A Whisper of Chaos
by theonlykyla
Summary: Bella is new in town, a self-imposed loner and sees Edward Cullen when no one else seems to be paying attention. Both have their reasons for keeping to themselves. But they find themselves drawn together inexplicably, will they be able to work through the chaos or will it destroy them both? All characters are OOC, drug use, minor abuse and mental illness. Rated M for future ref.
1. Chapter 1

A Whisper of Chaos – Ch1

**A/n: Well, here we are about to start a new journey together. I'm super excited about this story because it's a new venture for me in a lot of ways. **

**I'm usually a pretty lazy writer and keep things very non-descript and I don't particularly do a lot of research for my fics. However, this one, I have delved quite deeply into the psychological realm of where this one is headed.**

**It's loosely based off people in my RL and some situations are personal for me.**

**I've also gotten a new routine and new Team helping me this time around. I've got 2 beta's and 2 pre-readers, some of which are fairly new to me. I'd like to welcome AJasperforMe back to the realm as beta and welcome aboard PixieKat, as a new beta for me. Thank you and all my love to my precious, Eternally Edward's girl and my sidekick, Grnidgirl – my pre-readers. These 2 have been holding my hands the past 2 months while I've written this fic. They've kept me on track, kept the story lines flowing and encouraged me all the way through. I love you girls!**

**My writing process has completely changed and I hope that you all find it as exciting as I did, when you are reading. **

**I have absolutely fallen in love with this Edward and Bella and I hope that you all do too.**

ENJOY!

He sits at the table, his eyes bounce around from person to person, but no one sees his actions.

Edward Cullen is the son and brother no one wants to deal with much less acknowledge.

But, I see him. I've seen him every single time he comes into the diner with his family. I'm there every night, eating dinner with my dad, Charlie.

His dad, Dr. Cullen, is too busy talking sports with his brother Emmett, while his mom and sister carry on their own conversation.

Edward shakes and wiggles in his chair before he looks up and our eyes connect. I see how alluring the green is, how dark the circles are underneath those haunting eyes and I have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with him.

Three weeks ago, my mom had to go into rehab and I got shipped to my dad's in Forks, Washington. I hate it here and my dad knows it. That's why I haven't visited him in over five years. But I wasn't 'old enough' to live on my own in Phoenix, so he thought it would be best for me to pack up and move here with him.

I guess it was okay because the weather suited my moods; dark, damp and overcast. I lived in hoodies and jeans, something I never would have been able to do in Arizona because of the heat.

The good news is that because I was 'the new girl' and Forks was so small, I was the outsider, and therefore excluded. These kids had all grown up together and weren't ready and willing to accept some new, unknown girl into their groups, especially the Chief of Police's daughter.

This all suited me just fine, as I preferred to be left alone. I wasn't into fashion or social groups. I enjoyed being left alone to my books and music.

I had a few classes with Edward Cullen. He never spoke, he never did anything but fidget in his chair, tap on his legs with his fingers or draw on a piece of paper.

Two of the 'it' girls had informed me right away he was out of my league and completely off limits. I laughed and walked away. I wasn't interested in some pretty boy anyway.

His sister Alice was a year younger than us and had a serious chip on her shoulder. I had study hall with her and apparently I had sat at her table in the library my first day of school. She'd told me in no uncertain terms it was the table she sat at with Jasper Whitlock every day and I needed to keep away from that table and her man.

I only sat there because it was toward the back of the room and more secluded than the rest. Fuck if I cared who she was or whom she sat with.

So, I sat here in the diner as I try to watch Edward and his somewhat crazy family interacting and wondered if anyone even knew he was 'jones-ing' for a hit of something.

His eyes darted around the table again before he stood up, pushing his chair to the floor and ran a hand through his hair.

"Fuck, I'm outta here," he said before he turned to leave, while the rest of his family carried on like he was never there. None of his family even paid attention.

He hit the door with his hands and stormed out of the diner. I watched as he walked toward his car, his hands fisted and his shoulders hunched as he made his way across the pavement. He climbed in, the music instantly audible through the thick glass of the building. He surprised me when he gave a half-assed wave at me before peeling out of the parking lot.

"A friend of yours?" Charlie asked with a cocked brow.

"Hardly," I replied as I shook my head.

"He's just a weird guy in a few of my classes. I don't know what his problem is." Charlie sighed and looked at me.

"Stay away from him, Bella. That kid's got issues and with all the stress you're under, you don't need to be taking on his problems, too." His tone was too stern and condescending for my liking.

I rolled my eyes and picked at my food.

What the fuck did Charlie know about my 'stress'... he was never home and when he was home, he was drunk and passed out in front of the TV with some sports program blaring.

Even if I wanted a friend, and I didn't, it wouldn't have been Edward Cullen that I chose.

He had trouble written all over him.

**A/N: I know it seems a little slow…but trust me, this is just the beginning;)**

**The regular posting days will be Monday/Friday. So you won't have to wait to long for the next chapter!**

**A quick shout out to my girls in JUF – I simply adore you all and cannot imagine my life without you in it. You love me, flaws and all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that!**

**I'd love to hear what you think!**

**Kyla**


	2. Chapter 2

A Whisper of Chaos ch2

**A/n: My girls were persistent in getting another chapter up tonight…but this is IT until Monday, LOL.**

**Hope you enjoy the view into Edward's life…**

EPOV

I turned down the street and waited for the light to change, and once it did, I hit the pedal and flew towards the highway. I had to get out of here, I had to get away from those people … and I needed a drink.

My car took its usual route to Port Angeles to find Riley, my dealer. I needed something in my system now or else I was going to explode. Nothing good ever came from that happening.

As I sped down the highway, I lit a smoke and settled on some Evanescence to keep me company while I drove. Amy Lee's voice resonated within me as I lost myself in the music.

Forty-five minutes later, I pulled up across the street from the boarded-up warehouse and parked my car. I knew he was here as I knocked on the door in our code.

It took almost five damn minutes for him to answer, but as always, he was happy to see me, especially since he knew I had cash.

"How much this time?" he asked as we walked down a darkened hall towards the store room.

"Two gallons should do it," I replied and slipped the cash from my front pocket.

"Hitting it a little heavy, aren't ya?" Riley looked at me, almost with a look of concern.

"What the fuck do you care? I have the cash, as usual." I slapped the hundred dollar bill into his hand and grabbed my bottles.

He sighed and shook his head as I turned to walk back to my car. I got in, put the bottles each under a seat and took off through town. I needed to get to my secret place so I could take a drink and settle my brain, kill the itch of my skin and let the alcohol consume me.

It took me about twenty minutes to find the turnoff towards the forest where my secluded meadow was. It was starting to get dark as I pulled into the woods where I often parked to hide my car from anyone out on this road. I grabbed my Ipod, my blanket and one of the gallon jugs before I took off on my regular hike through the trees.

I managed to take a few drinks as I pushed through the bushes and branches that blocked the hidden path. By the time I reached the clearing, I was able to feel the first swallow work its way through my body.

I spread out my blanket, popped my earbuds in, turned on some Tchaikovsky and unscrewed the lid to the plastic bottle. I raised it to my lips and let the liquid fill my mouth. I felt the bite of the alcohol as it burned my throat on the way down, but I relished the pain.

I knew the pain would bring the numb. And, that's all I wanted to be; numb.

It was in moments like this I wished for a companion, someone that understood me or why this was who I had become. But then I would have to actually care for someone other than myself, would have to give a shit about _their_ feelings.

Fuck that.

No one gave a damn about me or _my_ feelings, so why the fuck would I ever trust anyone with mine?

I let the music fill my brain as I took a few more gulps of the vodka before I laid back, closed and opened my eyes. I let the dark night sky surround me, envelope me in the feeling of freedom from the idiocy that was my life.

My parents were a joke; my dad was a fucking prick and my mom a dope fiend. Neither of them cared about what happened to me, what I was going through or how my life was going. They'd both checked out about five years ago after a car wreck had injured her and my little sister, Alice.

Mom got addicted to the pain pills to cover the pain of her injuries as well as the pain from losing another baby.

My dad checked out because he couldn't do anything to make my mom better. Then I found out he'd started fucking anyone he could around the hospital, so much for being respectable members of the community. If anyone really knew the state of their marriage, the whole charade would be a disgrace to our whole family.

They only cared that I stayed out of their way and kept out of trouble so they didn't have to deal with me and my 'problems'.

I felt the squirm of the soft earth underneath my back as I moved my knees up to put my feet flat on the ground.

As I stared at the silver blinks of stars in the night sky, I thought about nothing until a face appeared in my thoughts.

Soft.

Subtle.

Confused.

I closed my eyes and let her face fill the backs of my eyelids. It was that new girl at school, the one I'd seen at the diner.

She seemed a little standoffish, a loner. But something told me I wasn't invisible to her. She'd seen me, made eye contact with me, shook her head as I waved to her. She didn't avoid me like the rest of them did.

I wonder what she saw when she looked at me.

And why the fuck did I care?

**A/n: He's not what you expected, is he?**

**Thanks to A Jasper For Me for beta'ing and to Eternally Edward's girl and Grnidgirl for pre-reader/co-writing/cheering me on….**

**See ya on Monday**

**Kyla**


	3. Chapter 3

A Whisper of Chaos ch3

**A/n: Here we are…and now we'll be on our regular posting schedule.**

**Much love and thanks to A Jasper For Me and PixieKat for their beta skills! And Eternally Edward's girl and Grnidgirl for their love, patience and encouragement with writing Chaosward**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, alerts and rec's. I've been trying to respond but I'm still sick with Bronchitis and now Pneumonia….so, please forgive my delay in responding.**

**ENJOY!**

BPOV

I crawled out of bed the next morning after Charlie banged on my door at seven am to tell me to shut off my alarm. Apparently, it had been going off since six-thirty and I had slept through it.

My feet shuffled across the cold wooden floors as I made my way to the bathroom. I reached into the shower and turned on the hot water before I sat down to pee. Today was going to suck ass, that's one thing I was certain about.

I got undressed and into the shower as I let the hot water cover my head and thought about what had kept me up all night; Edward Cullen.

Why hadn't his family spoken to him? Couldn't they see he was obviously in some sort of distress? Was he ill?

These thoughts had plagued me last night to the point I had written at least ten pages in my journal about this sullen boy.

I hated it.

I didn't 'do' boys or dating. I didn't go out to parties or socialize. That just wasn't who I was. I preferred a quiet night with a book, maybe a joint or two and no drama.

I had a few friends back in Arizona; Tracy and Ray. We would swipe beer from our folks, grab a few fat ones and head out to the desert. We'd sit in our little huddle at our hideaway spot and just be ourselves. We laughed, joked, cut up and got high. That's who we were. No drama. Nothing too heavy.

I knew I most likely wouldn't find anyone like that here in Forks, therefore, I didn't even try.

But then I made eye contact with Edward Cullen.

I wondered if he might be someone I could share a friendship with.

I shook my hair out and wrapped it in a towel before I got out of the shower.

Who the fuck was I kidding? Edward was into the party scene, always walking around with some skank on his dick and was nothing like my friends back home.

Yet, I couldn't shake those damn green eyes, there was a story there. We all have one, so why was his so fucking important to me all of a sudden?

I finished combing out my hair, brushed my teeth and walked into my room to get dressed. As I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans, I noticed a small notepad with those googly eyes at the top. I don't know where it came from but I grabbed it and a black felt tipped marker from my desk. I sat on the edge of my bed and chewed on the cap of the pen.

I'm a writer, so I decide to write him a note to tell him that I saw him, mostly to see what his reaction would be more than anything.

'I see you'. I wrote in plain block letters, no signature, no smiley faces or doodled hearts. Just three simple words I think he needed to hear.

I finished getting dressed, grabbed the note and my backpack before I made my way down to the kitchen. Charlie was eating some cereal as I poured myself a cup of coffee into my travel mug, added my creamer and screwed the lid on tight.

"I probably won't be home 'til late tonight. I have some business to take care of in Port Angeles after my shift is over. I expect you to be home by ten and have all of your homework done." He tried to sound authoritative and stern, but come on, this was Charlie we were talking about. The Chief might be tough on crime but he was a softy where I was concerned. I knew it and he knew it. It worked for us, for him to attempt to be the parent.

Lord knows Renee never was. She was manic depressive and drank to help 'even her out' as well as shopped compulsively. Charlie had set me up a post office box a few years back on one of his visits so he could send me money to make sure the bills were paid and we had food to eat.

My parents had never gotten divorced, hell, they'd never even really fought. But Renee hated Forks and she knew Charlie would never leave. So one day when I was four years old, she packed the car, drove us to the Police Station and told him we were moving to Arizona. If he wanted to come with us he could, but she couldn't stay in Washington another day.

Neither of them had moved on or even dated, that I knew of. He had his job and sports; Renee had her drinking and shopping.

I was just there, trying to get by and survive my teenage years until I could move the fuck across the country and enjoy my own life.

We said our goodbyes and I got into my mom's old beat up Honda Accord to go to school. I put my Ipod on The Avett Brothers and made my way to Forks High. The parking lot was about half full when I parked and sat in the car to finish out the song, 'I and Love and You'. It made me wish I had at least one person I could talk too, sometimes.

I went straight to the library to return some books I had finished when I spotted Emmett and Edward standing at the counter a few feet from the door.

Fuck, I would have to walk right to where they stood.

They seemed to be arguing about something and I wanted no part of that. Although, I was happy to see Emmett did actually notice Edward existed by talking to him.

I timidly walked to where they stood in front of the drop chute and saw Edward glance up at me, his face turning white as I heard Emmett chuckle.

"Speak of the devil." He said under his breath, but I caught it.

"Excuse me, I need to return this book." I said as I motioned toward the hole on the side of the desk where they stood.

"Oh yes, Little Bit, here, let me take that for you. I'll drop it in the hole for you, no problem." Emmett was creeping me out and I heard Edward make a noise almost like a growl. I looked up to Emmett, my head almost having to tilt the entire way back he was so tall. And built like an ox, he had to be the biggest human being I had ever seen in person. But, he had cute dimples, soft blue eyes and curly blondish hair. I could definitely see the resemblance in the two brothers, although, Edward was lean and his hair was more reddish than his brother's.

"I don't need help, I've got it," I said as I snatched the book from his outstretched hand and dropped it in the slot.

"Oh honey, you're a live one, aren't you? This should be fun." He stuck his hand out for me to shake as his eyes twinkled at me. I could hear Edward making odd noises to the side of me but I didn't turn to look at him before I heard, "I'm Emmett Cullen, and you are the beautiful Bella Swan, aren't you?"

His smile was a little too broad and his eyes a little too wide for my tastes. It made me feel like a piece of meat he was waiting to devour.

"Yes, I know who you are. And, you apparently know who I am too." I replied and took a defensive posture of crossing my arms over my chest.

I heard Edward huff and begin to move, as I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see him leave the library, I noticed his drawing notebook on the counter.

I moved back closer to where it sat and waited for Emmett to finish what he had to say.

"Well, little girl, it's nice to finally meet you. Maybe we could go out sometime, maybe to a party or something after a game on Friday night?" His smirk told me exactly what he was thinking, that he could take me out, get me drunk and pop my cherry.

I managed to lay my books down on top of Edward's notebook and then scoop it up with all my stuff before I answered this offending brute's request.

"I'm sorry, Emmett, I don't date jocks and I don't go to parties. Besides, I'm not your type." I pulled my stuff along with Edward's notebook against my chest and turned around to leave the room.

Emmett stood there slack-jawed and confused as to what had just happened.

I got to the girl's bathroom as quickly as I could and pulled Edward's notebook out in front of me. I was dying to open it and examine the pages, but if he were like me, this book held his soul, his journal to the days of his life. It would be the worst kind of treachery for me to look at it. So, I gently lifted the pages with my thumb nail so nothing on the page was exposed. I slid my note in between the pieces of paper to where just the tip of it could be seen.

I hoped he'd see it and realize I was careful not to view his work or whatever was inside the bound pages.

I made my way to class just before the final bell rang. I carefully slid the notebook onto Edward's desktop and sat in my seat just as he came running through the door to the sounds of the bell.

He looked around confused when he noticed it laying there. He sat down and touched the cover of it as if it would reveal a secret.

I could tell the moment he saw the little edge of paper. He sat straight up, his head down and his long fingers gently tugged on the note until it came completely out of the notebook.

His head turned over his shoulder in my direction.

Our eyes met.

His green orbs were on fire, his cheeks white and drained, his reflection that of something I didn't understand.

I smiled, or attempted to smile.

He frowned.

His eyes narrowed at me and he slowly turned away from me.

I felt drained.

Dare I say, devastated.

What had I hoped for? Really? I mean, he didn't know me. Maybe he liked being invisible?

**A/N: Well…..um….yeah, what IS his problem?**

**Someone had asked if this would switch POV's like Uncertain does, with EPOV one day and BPOV the next. I can tell you that is NOT the case with this fic. There will be both POV's plus random other's POV's, as well. This fic has a lot of family story to it, so it's not just a B/E fic…but they are the main focus.**

**Thanks for hanging in there and jumping on this journey with me!**

**See ya Friday**

**Kyla**


	4. Chapter 4

AWoC ch4

**A/N: So sorry for the delay in getting this posted today…I had planned to post it earlier but I wound up working the whole day;(**

**So, this is the first of an alternate POV – there will be a variety of POV's throughout this fic as this is about the whole family. As you'll see they are completely dysfunctional!**

**Be patient, all will be revealed in time;)**

**Much love to A Jasper for Me for being my fabulous beta and for just being the nicest, most helpful fandom warrior around. I truly APPRECIATE ALL that SHE does to promote ALL the variety of writers in the fandom. She has a fabulous blog where she gives out daily pimps. Check it out if you haven't …she's never failed to deliver;)**

**My muse, Eternally Edward's girl held my hand and encouraged me every word along the way and this truly would NOT be what it is without her. She's in high demand these days, but I hope she truly knows what a sparkling diamond that she has always been to me…ILYSFM! And, to my newest addition and sidekick, Grnidgirl, you are enthusiastic and honest and I absolutely love your tenacity about helping make the words the best they can be. MWAH and ILY!**

**This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but some of them will vary, jsyk.**

**ENJOY!**

Emmett POV

I don't understand what the hell that little girl was playing at by turning me down, but I'll fix that for sure.

I texted Alice to meet me in the hall after first period, she'd know the lowdown on this new chick and give me the info I'd need to score that piece of ass.

_Ali, meet me at the locker. Em_

My phone buzzed just as I walked in the door to my class.

_Y? I need to check my makeup. Ali_

I sighed and typed my reply.

_Need info on new girl. Em_

I sat down and noticed that prude, Rosalie Hale, giving me a dirty look. That bitch was as frigid as an ice cube.

_Fine but it'll cost ya. Ali_

I groaned. I knew she'd want me to ease up on that dipshit of a boyfriend she had. I couldn't help it if he was a puny runt that wore cowboy boots and talked like a hick from the sticks.

I mean shit, he sang in a country band and looked like a reject. Alice usually had better taste, so I was still going to give him shit. He was nowhere good enough for my baby sister.

"What is your problem?" I whispered to Rosalie.

She glared at me and turned towards the front of the class. I'd known her since the first grade when she'd moved to town to live with her grandmother. She was pretty and I'd be more than willing to fuck her hard anytime, anywhere. Especially with a rack like she had, those titties slapping my face while she rode my dick, but I knew she had those legs locked tighter than a prison cell during a riot.

Besides all that, she's probably one of those emo chics that wants an actual relationship before she'd let me fuck her. And, I had a chance to play college ball, and hopefully make it to the NFL. I wasn't fucking that ride up for no chick from Forks. Period.

Forty-five minutes later, I made my way down the hall to my locker to where Ali waited for me.

"What's up, Em? Why do you want to know about that boring girl?" Alice looked up at me, her hip cocked and her eyes boring into mine.

"I want her. Now, what ya got for me?" I asked as I leaned back against the locker, waving to a few girls that passed by us.

"She's a nobody. She's homely and I suspect she wants Jasper. I warned her already to stay the fuck away from him, but I've seen her eyeing him during study hall. She dresses horribly and she's the Police Chief's daughter. You need to pass on this one, big brother." She took a deep breath and pulled some lip gloss from her bag while I just stood there, waiting for more.

"Seriously, Emmett, she's nothing. Why on earth could you possibly want to go out with her? I'm sure she's just as much a goody-goody as Rosalie. I think you're just going to be wasting your time with that one. She's a lost cause. Besides, I saw her making googly eyes at Edward at the diner last night." She applied her gloss and then waved before walking away and towards that shit-kicker of a boyfriend of hers.

So, my baby brother really did have a thing for her. Not only did his reaction this morning show me his interest, but Alice just confirmed it. My brother was a selfish bastard and I would make damn certain I got to Bella Swan before he did.

**A/N: Um, yeah….Emmett's not always that lovable big brother is he? And, this Alice, well let me tell you, SHE is a piece of work all her own;)**

**Rec of the day is a new drabble, Adagio, by the lovely Sparrownotes24. Give it a go….pianoward…need I say more?**

**See ya on Monday!**

**Kyla**


	5. Chapter 5

A Whisper of Chaos ch5

**A/n: It seems that more than a few of you are happy to see a completely OOC Emmett and Alice. We will hear and see more of them throughout the fic.**

**And, a lot of you are loving that they aren't the normal same ole happy family! That makes me happy because this story has nothing about normal about it;)**

**Much love and appreciation to my beta, A Jasper For Me. She's amazing!**

**Uber hugs and adoration to my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and the newest edition, Cutestkidsmom. I love ya'll so much, especially for loving me despite my neurosis!**

**ENJOY!**  
EPOV

Emmett was getting on my last fucking nerve. That prick had snuck into my room last night to swipe a few of my pills. He thought because I had a legal script for them it meant he could have access to whatever he wanted when he wanted it.

But, he couldn't leave well enough alone and had to snoop through my shit. He found a drawing of Bella in my notebook. He'd informed me in the parking lot this morning I needed to move the fuck on because he wanted her and it would be his dick she sucked, not mine.

I hated him. He was a fucking prick and I still couldn't figure out how the hell we were related.

He'd followed me inside the school this morning, even to my normal hiding spot in the library, taunting me about the drawing. I was just about to tear the damn thing out of the book when lo and behold, there she comes walking into the damn room.

And, fucking Emmett, he had to flirt with her right in front of me. Not that it mattered to me, but he was just asking for a fucking fight, that much I knew. If she was stupid enough to fall for his shit, oh well. Besides, all the bitches in the school preferred my dick to his.

I only cared about having them suck my dick, no way was I getting stuck with one of these chicks trying to pin me down to this shit-hole of a town.

Besides, if I needed to get fucked, I had Tanya. She was clean and didn't want me for anything more than a fuck buddy. This we could agree on. But, she was off at college now so that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

I walked out of the library and back out to my car. I needed a hit of something to calm me the fuck down. I pulled my flask out of the console and took a long pull, allowing the vodka to burn as it slid down my throat.

I closed my eyes and heard the noise outside the car increase. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to deal with these pricks or the drone of academia. I heard the final bell ring and I knew I had to haul ass to make it in time.

Just as I slid into the class, I noticed my notebook on my desk. What the fuck? How had that prick swiped it from me again?

Then I sat down and noticed something sticking out of the top, a piece of paper. I slowing pulled it out.

'I SEE YOU'

That was all it said and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest with the anxiety that spiked through me.

I turned in my seat and there they were, those fucking brown as fuck tree bark eyes, watching me, staring at me, showing me compassion.

I glared at her. Who the fuck did this girl think she was?

I turned back around towards the front of the room and slid the note back into my book. I wonder what the fuck she saw in my book. Did she open it and read my thoughts? Did she see the illustration I drew of her?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I didn't know this girl. I didn't want to know this girl. I sure as hell didn't need her all up in my business and I certainly don't need her fucking compassion.

I spent the next forty-five minutes doodling thoughts and cartoonish characters in my book. Once class was over and I made my way to my locker, I debated on what to do; acknowledge her note with one of my own or just ignore it altogether?

Before I could decide, a hand slipped into my back pocket and I felt tits against my back.

"You look a little tense, how about I suck that huge cock of yours and relieve the tension?" I heard Lauren's voice and smelt her cheap perfume.

"Get off, Lauren." I said with a shrug that pushed her off of me and away.

"Whatever." She scoffed and stormed off.

"Fuck." I murmured and got my books out of my locker. I had to at least keep up the pretense of learning in this hell hole.

I turned to head towards my next class when I saw her staring at me, yet again.

I stomped over to Bella and pushed her against the wall with just my presence.

"Leave me the fuck alone." I growled at her and watched her eyes go wide like she was in shock at the sound of my voice. Then her head nodded and her eyes narrowed and anger seemed to come over her.

"I don't know what the fuck you are trying to accomplish with that note, but I don't care. I won't ever care. No one cares about me and I certainly don't fucking care about them. You got it?" I snapped at her, my voice low and full of animosity.

Sure, she was beautiful, even more breathtaking up close, but she was just a stupid girl who didn't know what the fuck she was trying to do. The best psychologists around couldn't help me. Hell, I didn't want anyone's help.

I didn't care that I'd pissed her off or that I might have hurt her feelings. It was all too much; my fucking parents fighting early in the morning, Emmett going through my shit, then having to listen to Alice and that fucking idiot have sex in the shower and now this. I didn't want to see Bella Swan anymore today.

I just wanted to get the fuck out of here.

I needed to be alone.

I needed a drink.

I needed my music.

I needed to numb out the fucking chaos of my life.

Fuck it. Fuck it all.

I made my way to my car, cranked up the tunes and hit the road.

If I didn't, it wouldn't be good for anyone.

**A/N: Remember, slow burn…and soon, we'll find out more about him, I promise!**

**Ooohhh and Kitkat – I love you more than my luggage…which is a lot as I have really cute giraffe print luggage;) I'm beyond THRILLED to have you here and forever in my heart!**

**See ya Friday.**

**Kyla**


	6. Chapter 6

AWoC ch6

**A/n: Sorry this is so late. My days are a little off. Better late than never, right?**

**This isn't beta'd so please forgive any mistakes. But, much love to my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**Let's check in on Bella, shall we?**

BPOV

I stood there and watched him walk away. He can kiss my ass. I didn't need him or his shit. I was just trying to … I don't know what the fuck I was trying to do but I sure as shit won't do it again.

I shook my head, popped my earbuds in and made my way to study hall. I walked into the library, threw my backpack down on the table and slid into a chair. This day sucked, just like I knew it would.

I pulled my notebook out of my bag and started to write before I felt someone drag the chair out from under the table beside me. I looked up into the blue eyes of Alice Cullen.

"What the fuck do you want?" I whisper yelled at her before hitting pause on my Ipod.

"Stay away from Jasper. And, stay away from Edward. I saw you with him in the hall earlier. You are nothing but a waste of space and I will kick your ass if you touch either of them. Got me?" Alice's voice was quiet but full of venom.

"What the fuck do you care if I talk to Edward? At least someone is … since it seems that no one in your family gives a damn about him." I thought that nice little dig would set her off nicely and it did.

"You don't know anything about my brother. Stay the fuck away from him." She demanded and clenched her fists.

"I don't have to listen to you. You are nothing but a bitter, jealous bitch. And, IF I wanted your stupid boyfriend, I could have him. Leave me the fuck alone." I put my buds back in my ears and cranked up my music. She kicked my chair and then stomped off.

I don't know what the fuck her problem was or why any of it mattered to her. I wasn't interested in her boyfriend and now I sure as hell had zero interest in her cocky brother.

I sighed and gave up on any attempt to write. My brain was replaying over and over the exchange between Edward and I in the hall. What the fuck was that about?

And, the whole Emmett thing this morning?

Something felt 'off' about it, the whole thing. I walked in and they were definitely in a heated argument about something. Could it have been about me?

Get over yourself Bella. The world doesn't revolve around you; never has and it certainly never will.

I looked out the window and noticed that Edward's car was gone from its usual place.

Where the fuck did he disappear to?

I shook my head as the bell sounded. I had to get these assholes out of my head. I didn't need any distractions and that's exactly what both of them were; distractions.

I gathered my belongings and then headed for my next class.

A few hours later, I walked into the empty house and plopped my backpack down on the couch before I went into the kitchen to grab a drink. It was going to be a long night so I got out my homework in hopes to pass the time. I was able to get about half of it done before my phone chimed with a text message.

_Why the fuck did you have to get into my business? EC_

What the hell? How the hell did he get my cell number? And, what the fuck did he mean?

_For the record, I wasn't 'in' your business, you cocky egotistical asshole. Bella_

I should have known better. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean seriously what was I trying to accomplish by even writing the note?

Was it because I saw that he seemed as alone as I was? Was it because I thought maybe, just maybe that I could make one friend in Forks? Maybe it was because I thought he might be able to hook me up with some pot?

I don't know but I was pissed at myself now more than ever. This is exactly why I should never put myself out there. It always fucks me up when I do.

_I'm an asshole? You ain't seen nothing yet, babe. Stay the fuck out of my way. Hell, stay out of my life. EC_

I had had just about enough of this shit. Again I thought how the hell did he get my cell phone number?

_Don't worry, I won't ever talk to you again. How the hell did you get my cell number? Bella_

I stood up and started to pace the small living room, noticing it was now dark outside and raining, again. Peachy. Just what I needed in my current state.

_It's on the school registry, idiot. It's not like I'm stalking your ass or anything. Btw, did you find what you were looking for in my notebook? EC_

Jesus, this guy was a piece of work. Did he really think that I read his notebook in the whole ten minutes that it was in my possession?

_I didn't even open it you prick. I'm turning my phone off. Leave me alone and I'll leave you alone. Bella_

I did what I said I was going to do, I turned off my cell phone and trudged upstairs. I wondered if Charlie had anything to help me sleep or hell, anything to get me high.

I changed into my pajamas and then went into Charlie's room. I opened a few of his dresser drawers but didn't find anything. Then I opened the bedside table drawer to find a key. One silver key with a tiny black string attached to it.

Curiosity pulled at me. What could he have in a locked box? A gun? He carried his gun every day on the job so why would he have it locked up? No, something felt 'off' about it. I opened his closet door and saw a small black box sitting on the floor near the back of the little room. I sat down on the floor and pulled it out.

The key fit perfectly so I unlocked it. I gasped.

Drugs.

Bags and bags of drugs.

Pills.

Cocaine.

Marijuana.

Little packets of heroin.

What the hell was going on?

Why would the Chief of Police have drugs locked in the closet at his home? Shouldn't this stuff be in a box at the police station?

It was too tempting. I wanted to get high. Surely he wouldn't miss a couple of ounces of the pot, right? I opened the baggie, pulled off a few stems and then put it in my robe pocket before I put everything back like it was.

I went to my room, searched through my stuff for some papers, pulled on my boots and made my way downstairs. I decided the backyard was probably the safest place to light up. So I found me a small alcove at the back of the yard under some trees, pulled out a little flashlight and started to roll myself a joint.

Once I had everything ready, I flicked the lighter and sucked in the sweet aroma, letting the feeling of the drug pull me under.

I smoked only half of it, afraid that I would get too high since I hadn't smoked in a few months and I wasn't sure when or if I'd be able to score anymore for a while.

Numb and hungry I walked back into the house. I grabbed the stuff to make a sandwich out of the 'fridge and sat about preparing my food. Once I was done, I grabbed a soda and some chips and went to my room.

I plugged my Ipod into the dock and turned on the music. I listened to Linkin Park blaring through the speakers as I ate my food and then turned on my cell phone.

Untrue to his word, Edward had blown up my phone. There was text after text coming in with his rants about me leaving him alone, how I'd better answer him, who the fuck did I think that I was to blow him off, etc.

This guy had a serious issue with me for sure.

So, I did the only thing my incoherent mind could think of …. I dialed his number.

_"It's about time you answered me," h_is voice irritated and cocky.

_"You seem to want to talk to me an awful lot, so here's your chance … talk." _I said and continued to eat my chips.

**A/n: And so….it begins;)**

**Thoughts? Theories? Opinions?**

**See ya Monday,**

**Kyla**


	7. Chapter 7

AWoC ch7

**A/n: More than a few of you were quite intrigued by what Bella found in Charlie's closet…all in time my lovelies, all in good time;)**

**As I told you in the beginning there will be random POV's, this chapter is one of them. Another peek into the warped lives of the Cullen family dynamics…and hopefully answer a few questions or raise a few more**** I am evil, I know, LOL.**

**Thank you to my amazing beta, A Jasper For Me. You are a steady rock for me, Bridgette and I can't say THANK YOU enough;) And, to my amazing team, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom – I love you so much for all that you've each contributed to this story. It's like a newborn baby to me and you've all cuddled and coo'd right along with me. THANK YOU!**

**Now…enjoy!**

Carlisle POV

I drove into the parking lot of the hospital and the normal sense of dread came over me. If I could, I would pick up my family and move us the fuck out of this Godforsaken town.

But, this is their home, this is where they've grown up, so it's where we're destined to live. It's hell to me, nothing but bad memories and regrets when I'm faced with the looks of disdain from the various women I've fucked.

I never imagined I would be the type of man to fuck a woman just for sex, let alone risk my marriage. But, that's exactly who I've become.

I hate myself for it.

I hate the actions that led me to become this monster I am now.

I hate that I blame my son for all of it.

I get out of the car just in time to see Gianna walk into the emergency room doors.

Fuck. I don't want to deal with that clingy bitch today. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll be on a different rotation.

I could only wish.

But, I'm not a betting man and I was stuck with her all fucking day long. At the end of my shift, she knocked on my door.

"You've been avoiding me all day, Dr. Cullen." She said as she locked the door behind her when she came into my office.

"There's a reason for that, Gianna. Now, I'll ask you nicely this once to please leave my office." I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose as she continued to walk towards my desk.

"I think we both know that isn't really what you want, now is it?" She purred while she began to undress as she stood at the corner of my desk to the side of my chair.

"Gianna," I said in warning, but she shook her head, dropped to her knees and turned my chair towards her.

"Dr. Cullen, let me take care of that for you," her voice lusty as her hands began to skim my dick as she tried to untie my scrub pants.

"No." I said and stilled her hands. "We are done. I told you that last time. Get dressed, get out of my office and don't try this again." I pushed her back a little and stood up, reached for her clothes and handed them to her.

"Or what?" She huffed as she threw her clothes on angrily. "I could destroy you, don't you realize that?"

I glared at her and stalked toward her, seething, as I forced her up against the wall, "If you so much as breathe a word about us to anyone, you will never be able to show your face in this town or even this state again. Do I make myself clear?" I threatened her, hoping she got the anger behind my words.

Tears built in her eyes, but that was nothing I hadn't seen from her before. She simply nodded her head and quietly left the room.

I sat back down in my chair, ran a hand through my hair and sighed.

If only my wife still loved me as much as I still love her.

If she only knew I wanted her just as much now as I did the day I married her.

We had always wanted a big family, at least six children. And we'd had half of that, being greedy and continued to try for more. Esme had her first miscarriage before we'd gotten pregnant with Emmett. I thought it would satisfy her once she was successful in carrying and delivering the three healthy children we had. But, after Alice, she wanted more, so we continued to try.

She'd lost one about a year after Alice was born and another around her second birthday. Emmett had been about thirteen, Edward was twelve and Alice was ten when we'd lost the last two, twins. None of the children knew Esme was carrying twins, we had wanted to surprise them. But, they were never to be.

Losing those babies had destroyed what remained of my once vibrant and nurturing wife. Esme literally died when we had to bury those stillborn babies. They simply couldn't survive outside the womb at twenty weeks the damage had been too severe. Hell, I was lucky Esme, Alice and Edward had survived, although Edward was the luckiest of them all, having only suffered a broken arm. Alice had a broken leg and pelvis, while Esme had internal bleeding and a cracked collarbone due to the steering wheel hitting her right across the abdomen.

Those babies never stood a chance. Two more of my daughters laid to rest before I could love them, hold them, or show them what they meant to me.

Now, we weren't a family at all. Emmett was focused on sports and pussy. At least he was driven to succeed in the future, but I knew once he got to college to play ball, he'd never look back.

Alice had a passion for life, so much like her mother, but once again, she'd leave this small-minded town behind her. She'd probably still come around now and again. She still needed what was left of her mother, even when Esme continued to push her away.

Then there was Edward.

The middle child.

The fuck-up.

The mentally ill son we all disregarded because it was simply easier that way.

It scared me how much he was my clone in his intelligence, his behaviors, his actions. However, I was not mentally ill and I knew my limits. My son, unfortunately, did not. I had my hands full with Esme, to be honest, and Edward paid the price for that.

I loved my wife and children, I really did. But at times, they all felt like a noose around my neck.

What I wouldn't give to go back to that fateful day; a day that forever will be my biggest regret.

A day that could bring my family back to me … without me wanting to walk away forever.

**A/N: Thoughts?**

****IMPORTANT NOTICE****

**Due to the stress of the holiday season along with the impending date of my state license exam, I am in desperate need of a break. So this week's updates will be the last updates until after the new year.**

**Never fear, I am NOT abandoning my stories or the fandom, I simply need a break until the holidays are over and I've taken my test. I hope that you all understand and know that I don't like it either but something had to give and this was the easiest to set aside for now. **

**Until Friday,**

**Kyla**


	8. Chapter 8

AWoC ch8

**A/n: First, I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter to you. Secondly, this is another 'random' POV chapter and I don't feel right leaving on hiatus without a B/E chapter. So, I will be posting ch9 tomorrow night just to leave ya'll on the track until January.**

**Much love and thanks to my team; A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's Girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. I love you all!**

**Now, let's get some new insight into this crazy dysfunctional family, shall we?**

Rosalie POV

Over the last few weeks, I'd watched as Bella Swan and Edward Cullen kept up this little façade of being coy. They both pretended no one saw the looks between them or the simple gesture of a head nod in the hall or in a class.

But, I noticed. I noticed everything. I knew Emmett was dead set on making Bella his next conquest and Edward was drinking more than usual. However, I wouldn't tell anyone, nor would I point out what I knew to anyone either. It simply wasn't my place and I did not want to be dragged into their family drama. I had enough of my own.

I'd moved to this dreadful town at the age of seven when the state of Washington saw fit to remove me from my parents' home. Apparently, an alcoholic mother and a child molesting father weren't fit to raise a child, so I was sent to live with my grandmother. I was happy for the most part; I had a room where no one came in at night and hurt me. I had plenty of food to eat and someone that actually took care of me, or attempted to when I would let them.

I had instantly fallen head over heels for Emmett Cullen the first week of school after I moved here. He was a huge teddy bear, always smiling and making jokes. When I seemed scared or lonely, he would find some way to make me laugh. We were the best of friends in the first grade. But, something happened over the summer that year and when we went back to school for second grade, he had changed. Instead of making me laugh, he made jokes at my expense and they all laughed at me.

I had given up on things ever going back to how they had been that first year between us. He'd made me cry from the horrible things he'd said to me, he'd pushed me down and skinned my knees, he'd popped my bra and embarrassed me. These would all seem like things elementary school children go through. However, Emmett had been my best friend when I moved to town, my only friend. I'd told him about my mom and her drinking, and I'd also kinda told him about things my dad had done to me, too. He knew what my life had been like before I came here; I had trusted him.

Now, in our senior year of high school, I trusted no one. I had no close friends and I couldn't wait to graduate. I couldn't get out of Forks fast enough. I was moving to Los Angeles, going to UCLA and never, ever coming back here.

No one would miss me or even really notice I was gone, well, except for my grandmother. But, she could come visit me whenever she wanted to.

As much as I hated to admit it, I still loved Emmett.

I still longed for that sweet teddy bear of a boy I knew he was deep inside. The little boy that was vulnerable. The Emmett that had cried when his mom would have another 'baby accident' as he'd called it once when we were in our secret place having a talk.

Yes, he'd changed and become a royal asshole that used women to his I don't think I could ever let go of the 'first love' for him I carried deep within my heart.

It hurt when I watched him try to flirt with Bella Swan. I had cried myself to sleep that night when I heard he'd asked her to homecoming. Even though I knew she'd turned him down. I was prettier than she was and I loved him, even when he couldn't see it.

I knew he was going off to college to play football, hoping to get a scholarship at the University of Texas or Notre Dame. He had aspirations and knowing him, even as little as I did now, he would succeed at either place.

But, I've observed the breakdown in the Cullen family for the past ten years. I know the hurt and pain they all carry and it breaks my heart, for all of them.

They have a family; parents, siblings, love. But none of them see what they stand to lose.

I work part-time at the drugstore and I knew the amount and kinds of pills Esme Cullen was abusing. I knew she was unstable and extremely unhappy with her life.

I knew Dr. Cullen skated around with various women from the hospital, as I had seen him at the local hotel one night when I was walking home. I mean come on, we live in a town with less than four thousand people, its not easy to hide here.

But, I had my own issues to deal with and I didn't want to get wrapped up in their drama.

My mom had started to call me again, even after my grandmother had changed our phone number. She wanted me to know she was sober and to apologize to me. Irina Hale wanted to be a mother to me again. She wanted to be back in my life, and in her own words, 'let bygones be bygones.'

I had to laugh at that one, because she clearly had no grasp on reality if that's how she saw it. My dad had raped me, repeatedly, from the time I was five years old until I had been removed from my parents at age seven. My mother had always been drunk and passed out, so she never saw it, or I was lead to believe that. However, my therapist agrees with me that she probably drank more heavily because she knew what was happening to me and didn't know what to do to prevent it.

But I think she wants back into my life now simply because of money. On my eighteenth birthday, I'm set to inherit close to twenty-five million dollars from my dad's parents. I never knew them, but apparently when he went to prison, they disinherited him and set up a trust fund for me. So, as the sole heir to the Hale fortune, I stand to gain a lot.

And trust me, I know exactly whom I can and can't trust.

**A/N: Well, does that shed a little more light on the subject or raise more questions?**

**See ya tomorrow,**

**Kyla**


	9. Chapter 9

AWoC ch9

**A/N: I have been dying to get to this chapter since I started posting…this is the first of my absolute favorite chapters of this fic. You'll see why;)**

**The usual love and thanks to AJFM, Eternally Edward's Girl and Grnidgirl!**

**ENJOY!**

BPOV

While it has been over a month since Edward and I began our nightly 'conversations', we still weren't friends, technically. We didn't speak to each other in public or at school, but, we texted or talked on the phone, every night of the week.

We didn't discuss deep dark secrets or reveal our pasts. These weren't 'soul-baring' conversations either. Usually Edward was drunk or stoned, sometimes both, and I had begun to get high more and more as I continued to sneak handfuls of pot out of Charlie's closet. If he ever noticed, he didn't mention it to me, so I carried on this little ritual of swiping a bit here and there.

I never questioned Edward about why he was intoxicated. But, he told me about music and drawing, usually through slurred words, and I knew they were his passions in life.

Drunk people have a tendency to share things in a way that tells you what the real issues are, even when they didn't realize they had issues.

Mostly, I think Edward wanted to be heard.

He ragged on me about never wearing makeup or girly clothes. I teased him about listening to classical music and playing the piano. We discussed movies, books, subjects at school.

But we never, ever, let the demons out into the open.

Well, until Emmett asked me to the homecoming game. I had tried to make Emmett understand that one, I didn't date and two, I didn't particularly want to go out with him under any circumstance, homecoming or not. He was furious with me for turning him down. He simply couldn't fathom that I didn't want to go out with him, especially to homecoming, where he was surely going to be the star player of the evening.

But I didn't want to go, and I certainly didn't want to go with him.

When Edward called me that night, he was particularly drunk. Like to the point where I was almost scared to think of him in his car driving around. I was afraid for his safety, more so than usual. But he assured me he was in his 'secret spot' and he was nowhere near his car.

However, it didn't change the fact he lit into me about 'dating' his brother. He yelled at me about the fact only sluts went out with Emmett and he hated to think of me in the same category as those tramps we go to school with.

After thirty minutes or so of his belittling, berating and badgering me about it, I was finally able to assure him I was definitely NOT going to homecoming or anywhere else with his older brother.

In his drunken state, he'd threatened to kick Emmett's ass if he laid a finger on me, as well as threatened to dismember me if I were to reveal to Emmett about my nightly phone chats with Edward.

That was a threat I got every single night at the end of our phone calls. He was terrified I was going to go and tell everyone about this 'thing' going on between us.

I had no desire to tell anyone anything. I mean, really, what exactly was I going to tell them they didn't already know?

Edward was a drunk and an addict, talking to him felt natural. Because of my mother, I'd lived with both my whole life. And often it felt nice to actually have someone listen to me ramble on about the most mundane things like Charlie always being at work or that I was home alone most every night.

It just felt good to have a voice to listen to besides my own at times.

Something started to change in our talks after the Emmett fiasco, and he began to make sure I noticed him at school. It was nothing major but a head nod here or a wink there.

Every now and again, a rare smile would form on his face and he'd share it with me in the hall or parking lot. But still, we never spoke unless it was via the phone.

I was sitting outside in the backyard, under the trees getting high one night, phone in hand, waiting for my nightly call when I heard something or rather someone in the yard.

I curled up into a ball, quietly, trying to hide from whoever it was, especially if it was Charlie as I was smoking a joint. I was shaking with fear as I watched the figure walk out into the yard from the side of the house. This was the one time I wished I'd remembered to turn the security lights on.

"Caterpillar?" I heard his voice call out in a low whisper type yell.

I froze.

What the hell was he doing here? In person?

He called again, "Caterpillar, I know you're back here. Where are you?"

He was drunk. I could tell because he was swaying all over the place.

Shit. I had to answer him or he'd just get louder. Granted, the closest neighbor was a few house lengths down the road but this was Forks we were talking about.

"CP, answer me, now!" He began to speak louder and more forceful.

"I'm here," I said and stood up to where he could see me in the thicket of trees.

"Fuck, CP, you were hiding something fierce back here." He said with a low laugh as he sauntered over to where I was.

"Whatcha doin' back here, huh?" He asked and leaned up against the tree beside me.

I slowly revealed the joint still in my hand from behind my back. Even in the moonlight, I could see the smirky grin on his face.

"Oh, getting high, I see. Well, 'puff, puff, pass' is the rule, so slide it this way." He held out his hand and I reluctantly passed him what was left of my joint.

"You sit out in the woods and get high while you're on the phone with me?" He asked as we sat down on the damp grass.

"Sometimes," I replied and shrugged.

I still had no idea why he was here, in my backyard, at midnight.

"CP, why do you talk to me?" His voice had become sullen and thick and I instantly knew everything was about to change.

He was serious.

He wanted to really talk.

Fuck me, I was too high to keep my own damn mouth shut, for once.

"Because I like you, Cullen." I watched as his eyes met mine. He hated it when I called him that, much the same way as he knew I hated being called Caterpillar. He didn't like the reference to his father and or his family and I didn't like being referred to as a slimy bug.

But, there it was, our eyes locked and I felt it as I stared at him.

The shift between us especially because of his eyes.

Green, vulnerable and completely shattered eyes.

**A/N: In the words of Ms Penny Lane "It's all happening!" LOL**

**This is the first real 'time jump' we have and the first time we hear E refer to B as "CP or Caterpillar" but, I can guarantee, it will not be the last;)**

**Thank you all for your understanding about my break and I promise to be back first week in January 2013!**

**Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!**

**Much love and peace,**

**Kyla**


	10. Chapter 10

AWoC ch10

**A/N: Welcome Back! I hope that you all had great holiday times with your family and loved ones. **

**I've desperately missed you all! And, I've truly, madly, deeply missed these characters;)**

**This chapter is NOT beta'd because I failed to realize that I hadn't sent it to my beta until about an hour ago, LOL. So, any mistakes are my own! Sorry AJFM**

**Much love to my pre-readers/hand-holders Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. My life isn't complete without the 3 of you, in any way! I love you so much.**

**This is another random family member POV…but, it's starts us back up….so, ENJOY!**

Alice POV

I knew something was going on with Edward. Something has been brewing and I knew he was drinking more than usual. Even Jasper mentioned it to me, which is something he normal wouldn't do.

However, it's kind of hard not to notice when Edward stumbles loudly _up_ the stairs at all hours of the night. Not that either of our parents notice the noise. Mom is usually too zonked out on whatever pills she's taking for the night and if Dad is home he's sleeping or working in his office. He rarely ever makes it into his actual bedroom anymore.

Emmett has a room on the third floor of the house. His music is turned up loud to drone out the noisy sex that is typically coming from his room. Depending on the flavor of the month, he'll have someone up there 'til all hours of the night.

But, I hear things. I hear Edward on the phone and I see him drawing more often than normal.

And, my fear is that it has to do with Bella Swan. I simply do not understand everyone's fucking obsession with that girl. She's plain, mousy even, and never talks to anyone. Why on earth does it seem that both of my brothers are interested in her?

Emmett is completely obsessed with getting her into his bed. While I would think that's Edward's end game, too, I'm not so sure that's the whole picture in regards to why he's interested.

Edward doesn't fuck around the way that Emmett does. Sure, he gets whatever action he wants, but I know for a fact that he's never had a girl in his room and he's never fucked any of the girls from school.  
A sister shouldn't want to know these things, but we have a family reputation to uphold. Regardless of how fucked up Edward is in his behaviors, fucking around isn't his thing. He'll let a few of those skanks suck his dick. But as far as I've found out, he's not slept with any of them.

Emmett on the other hand has put his dick into just about every willing pussy in town, including a few of the ladies our parent's age. He disgusts me, but if that's how he wants to live his life, so be it.

At least he's finally laid off of Jasper, somewhat.

I don't wish ill will on any of my family, but I seriously cannot wait to get the fuck away from all of them. Jasper and I have plans to move to New York after I graduate in two more years. He's got a band in town that plays around the area and he agreed to wait for me to graduate before moving away. That way we can be together.

I'm going to be a freelance designer and he's going to be in the music industry. He's got an uncle in the music business willing to help him out while I'm in school at the Fashion Institute. It's all been planned out, barring some major catastrophe.

This Bella Swan thing is started to become a major source of contention for me and its driving Jasper crazy, too. He's tired of me constantly nagging him about her and how she acts around him.

I saw the way she looked at him that first day of school and I'm no dummy. Jasper is the hottest piece of ass on campus, besides my brothers. I had to literally beat Lauren's ass to keep her away from Jasper. Of course that didn't fare well with my parents because I got suspended from school for three days.

But, I didn't care. Jasper was mine, and had been since the moment I laid eyes on him.

Neither of my brothers particularly liked Jasper, but I felt it was just because I was their baby sister. Therefore, neither of them had taken the time to actually get to know him.

He loved sports just as much as Emmett did and he had music in common with Edward, not that either of them would know that about him. They simply overlooked what I loved about him.

I lay in bed and watched Jasper sleeping. I didn't know how I could make it without him, most days. He held me when I cried because my parents were fighting again or simply when something bad happened to upset me. He made me smile with his sweet words and soft touches. He promised to be by my side for the rest of my life once we left Forks.

And, I believed him.

I heard Edward in the hall, but I couldn't tell if he was coming or going. He was talking to himself or someone, rather loudly. So, I crawled out of bed and slightly opened my door.

There he was with that bitch, Bella Swan.

He had brought her here, to our house, to his bedroom.

Fuck.

This was definitely worse than I had imagined and I had to figure out a way to put a stop to it.

Now.

I stood at my door and listened as they went into his room, and it got quiet. Then a short time later, they left.

What the fuck was he doing? He never brought girls home, especially ones like Bella Swan.

I had to figure this out and I had to set him off. It would be hell for a few days but so worth it to get that bitch out of our lives. I didn't know what her angle was and that scared me.

So, the next morning as we all sat around the breakfast table, I knew I had my chance.

Dad was reading the paper, Mom was looking over some magazine while Edward and Emmett were both engrossed in their meals.

"So, Edward, how long have you been dating the Police Chief's daughter?" I announced to the table.

All the eyes at the table glanced over to my brother who was shooting daggers at me with his own eyes.

And you could hear a pin drop in that room as we all waited for his response.

**A/n: OOHHH Alice is up to NO GOOD! I will tell all of you now, in writing, there are some characters that are redeemable and some that aren't. I don't want to give anything away but if you are an Alice lover please don't hate on me for who she is. This is simply who the character in THIS fic turned out to be. I write her as she tells me too. Plain and Simple.**

**Now…a word to the wise the next couple of chapters are my absolute favorite chapters in this fic so far. I've sat an re-read this entire fic from start to ch30 (that's as far as I've written)….and I'm so enamored with the dynamics of them all. I hope that you are too.**

**REC's:**

**You all SIMPLY MUST READ: Barefoot in Texas by planetblue. I sat and read all 17 ch's yesterday and absolutely FELL IN LOVE with these characters and this author. Edward has no ownership of his life, having been groomed by his parents for a specific role in life…and then he meets Bella. It's such a beautifully written tale of figuring out life…and the romantic lemon moments between these 2 are simply SWOON-TASTIC (yes, it's my new word). READ IT!**

**Roughneck by Helloella – she is the author of Nobody's Little Girl and she's written a new fic about good old West Texas (where I live). It's a great fic, only a few ch's in and has soo much promise already!**

**Under My Skin by missjude – it's her first fic and written in her 2****nd**** language. I'm very proud of her for taking the leap and I'm quite enjoying this fun tale, so far! A tattoo'd Edward and a bit of a scattered Bella….with a lot of chemistry. Check it out.**

**See you all tomorrow with the Uncertain update;)**

**Love,**

**Kyla**


	11. Chapter 11

AWoC ch11

**A/N: Happy Friday my lovelies!**

**And, welcome back;)**

**As I told you a couple of ch's ago, these next few ch's are some of my absolute fav ch's for this couple. They are both so needy and desperate for something they have no clue about. I'm sooo excited for you all to read them!**

**Much love and appreciation to A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom for ALL of their love, support and encouragement in this venture. It wouldn't be half of what it is without all of you!**

**ENJOY!**

BPOV

I woke up to the alarm blaring in my ear and I smiled, for once at the thought of a new day.

What the hell was that last night with Edward?

I mean, he shows up here, high and drunk, gets all serious on me then demands I come to his house with him so he could get me something.

Only after I had demanded he let me drive his car, did I relent and agree to go with him. He wasn't happy about me driving, but he let me so he could get his way. He was so fucking demanding sometimes.

The 'something' he wanted to show me, or rather to give to me, was a glass pipe shaped like a caterpillar so I could use it to get high instead of having to roll a joint all the time.

I secretly loved it, even though I still didn't understand the reference and still didn't appreciate him calling me a slimy bug. But whatever, it was a cool gesture.

We weren't at his house all of fifteen minutes, but it gave me time enough to survey his bedroom. I could tell he didn't have friends over often because his room was a fucking mess.

There were clothes everywhere, along with various drawing composition books. The walls were covered from top to bottom with various musicians posters; Mozart to the Beatles, Beethoven to Nirvana, it was all there in an array of clusters on the walls.

He had a wall of bookshelves filled with cds, record albums, trinkets and books. I wanted to be there in the daylight just to explore the depths of those shelves. I imagined he might not even remember what all he had collected amongst the overwhelming stacks.

He had demanded I not touch anything before we entered his room but when he stepped into the closet to dig out the pipe, I had run my hands over the pillow I could almost still see his outline on. His bed was unmade and the comforter was haphazardly piled on the mattress.

It looked inviting, nonetheless.

Once he'd retrieved what we came for, he grabbed my hand and drug me back down the stairs and into his car. What I hadn't anticipated was the warmth of his hand on mine or the way our fingers fit together so well. Yes, he had actually threaded his fingers through mine and while I didn't want it to, it kind of excited me. He was touching me, intimately.

Something had definitely shifted between us and I wasn't exactly sure what I was thinking. My head was clouded by the pot and my emotions felt very exposed since my mouth filter hadn't been working and I admitted to him that I liked him.

I didn't want or need a boyfriend. But, was that where Edward's head was at? Was he interested in me that way?

Or were we still just 'acquaintances'?

Had we finally crossed the line into becoming friends?

My head was buzzing as I drove us back to my house with Edward's hand still holding mine.

I pulled the car over a few house lengths back from my house so as to not make it obvious he was at my place. We both got out and walked in silence back to my hiding spot in the backyard. Our joined hands long forgotten by him, I supposed.

My hand however felt cold and it pissed me off.

"What the fuck, Cullen?" I asked once we were seated and he was packing a bowl on the pipe.

"What do you mean, what the fuck, Caterpillar?" His eyes barely glanced up at me, as he was intent on getting the pot packed just right.

"I mean, you show up here asking questions, drag me across town in the middle of the night and now we're just going to sit here and smoke it up?" I questioned and fidgeted with the wet grass.

"Hush, CP, you'll ruin my good mood. Just enjoy it while it lasts, I'm not usually this generous." His voice was harsh as he snapped at me.

It pissed me off.

"Fuck you, Cullen. I'm going to bed, I'll see you at school tomorrow." I made to get up and head into the house when I felt him tug my arm, forcing me back down onto the ground.

"CP," his voice almost a warning growl, "sit and smoke with me," he demanded.

"Why? Why the fuck should I? You aren't being nice to me and I don't take kindly to being bossed the fuck around." I was pissed and he could tell but I knew he didn't care.

He took a lighter from his pocket, lit the bowl and began to puff on the pipe before he passed it to me.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, CP. Maybe you should never know. But, I'm not generally a nice person. I thought you'd figured that out by now."

I took a long draw off the pipe and held it as long as I could. When I let out a breath I just stared at him.

"You are usually decent to me, though. I don't like this new side to you." I admitted and wondered why the fuck I continued to talk to him.

"Yeah, well, it's who I am, take it or leave it." He shrugged and puffed on the pipe he'd taken from my hands.

"I liked holding your hand." I blurted out as I watched him light the bowl again.

He sputtered around his hit and stared at me.

"Don't go getting all soft on me, Caterpillar. I'd rip you to pieces and then stomp you into the ground. I don't want to do that to you." Edward's eyes were betraying the words he was saying. It was almost as if he was fighting an internal battle between showing me the 'real' him versus the 'persona' of him.

I hated that, for both myself and for him.

"I've never made you to believe I'm helpless, have I?" I asked and he shook his head at my words.

"Then what the fuck makes you think I'd let you 'rip me to pieces'?" I asked as he drew up his knees and clasped his hands around them. He had retreated into his shell, small and contained.

"Bella, seriously, just drop it," his voice like stone.

I sighed and pulled the pipe from his fingers.

I took another hit as he just sat there, head down on his knees and the quiet of the woods screaming around us.

I laid my head back against a tree, closed my eyes and let the drugs work their way through my mind.

We sat there for what felt like hours and I knew if I didn't get up soon, I'd fall asleep out here. I didn't want Charlie to find this spot, so it was time to send Cullen home.

"I gotta go to bed. Besides, the Chief of Police will be home soon. He can't find you here." I said and made to stand up. But before I could get to my feet, Edward was on top of me, my back suddenly against the wet ground and those crisp, but clouded, green eyes peered down into my brown ones.

"Don't let me rip you to pieces," he whispered just before he leaned down on me further and touched his lips to mine.

I was shocked, but then I realized what was happening and I felt the flutter of a thrill go through me at the taste of his lips on mine.

The kiss started out slow and steady, lips against lips but then I felt the tip of his tongue and brought mine out to meet it. Before I knew it, my arms were around his neck and our tongues were circling the others. His mouth was warm and almost dry as the fight for dominance ensued. It was different than any kiss I'd ever experienced.

It excited me but pissed me off at the same time.

He pressed his body hard on top of mine and he was all I felt as he drew his arms around my body and pulled us to our sides. His long leg came over mine and we got tangled up in each other.

We stopped to breathe and then our lips went right back together. It was like suddenly the only way to truly breathe was if we were breathing the other's air. I wasn't sure what the hell was happening and I wasn't sure if I wanted it to continue or not. But either way, it was real and it felt incredible.

Eventually, he stopped, his eyes never meeting mine as he pulled me to stand on my own two feet.

"I gotta go," was all he said before he took off jogging around the side of the house, leaving me there to wonder what the hell had just happened.

I still hadn't caught my breath as I realized I'd been standing there a good five to ten minutes after he'd gone. I heard the faint noise of his car as it took off down the street and suddenly realized I was crying.

I stomped into the house, poured myself a glass of water and gulped it down.

"What the hell just happened?" I questioned the empty house.

I eventually went up the stairs to my room, changed into a pair of sweats and a tank top only to crawl under the blankets and cry some more.

Just as I noticed the sun peeking through the dark shadows on the wall, I heard the chime of my phone alerting me to a text message.

I slowly grabbed my phone and saw it was from Edward.

_I like you too - E_

That was it. That was all it said.

Okay, so what the hell does _that_ mean?

I dried my eyes and grabbed my journal, filling page after page of the entire nights events.

So much had happened in a short span of time and I knew each individual event had some significant value to it.

First, Edward showed up at my house. He actually just appeared on his own. Does that mean he needed to see me? Did he come over with the intent of kissing me? Does that make us friends now?

I was still debating these thoughts when I guess I dozed off.

So, when I woke up and smiled, it was because I was dreaming of that kiss and all of the emotions it had invoked inside of me. It made me feel wanted, adored, even needed.

I didn't get 'dreamy' over boys, much less someone like Edward Cullen. But something felt so intensely different between us. Like when he looked at me, it was like he 'saw' me not through me or the outside appearance I gave off, but the real me, the soul inside of me showed through.

It scared the fuck out of me, to be honest.

And, I had no idea where this newest revelation would lead us now, either.

I mean, do I text him this morning or do I play it cool? Are we going to hold hands again? Will he acknowledge me at school?

Once again my head was buzzing with all the thoughts he'd forced me to have. I never knew if I was coming or going and that only served to bring me anger again. What right did he have to make me this crazy girl? Didn't I have enough of my own shit to deal with instead of adding his brand of crazy to my pile?

Ugh, I needed a valium and a hot shower.

This was way too much thinking for a Friday morning, I thought as I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom.

I heard Charlie in his bedroom and I panicked at the thought of him finding out I'd been in his room. Would he confront me? Would I have the guts to ask him why he had a locked box of drugs in his closet?

Shower first, then coffee, then I'd worry about all this other shit.

**A/N: Oh my…push, pull, yin, yang….whatever shall these 2 do?!**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts;)**

**See ya Monday,**

**Kyla**


	12. Chapter 12

AWoC ch12

**A/N: It's time for another roller-coaster ride;)**

**I just want to reaffirm to you all that ALL of the characters are OOC in this fic. I think you've all read by now that none of them are exactly 'peachy'…with that being said, please have FAITH in me…in them…and this story.**

**Much love and appreciation to AJFM, EE'sG, Sidekick and Birdie…ya'll are my rocks.**

**Um…enjoy?**

EPOV

I was going to fucking kill Mary Alice Cullen.

"Shut up, Alice, you don't know anything." I yelled at her as I stood up from my chair at the table.

I was aware my entire family was staring at me.

She smirked and bobbed her head, "Then why was she in your room last night?"

I was seething inside as my mother and father both began to yell at me. My mom was ranting about me bringing a girl home and not introducing her to my parents. My dad was yelling because Bella was only sixteen and I was only asking for trouble being involved with the Chief's daughter.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled and threw my glass against the wall.

I was panting I was breathing so hard, my head was fucking killing me and I needed a drink already.

"Sit down, Edward, we _are_ going to discuss this," Carlisle demanded.

I turned my eyes toward him and we began a battle of the wills.

"There is nothing to _discuss,_" I gritted.

"Sit your ass down, Edward." Emmett chimed in and stood up, all bowed and ready to throw down.

"Fuck you, Emmett." I growled, my hands fisted by my sides and ready to go.

"Could we please not do this at the breakfast table?" Esme asks, a little annoyed with the scene before her.

"Sit, now, everyone," Carlisle said as he slapped his palms against the wooden table.

I sat down, pissed, shaking and ready to flee.

Once the room grew silent again, my dad turned his attention back to me.

"What is going on with you and the Swan girl?" His eyes never left mine as he spoke.

"Nothing. We go to school together. I had to get her something for class. That's it. We weren't even here ten minutes." I said and leaned back in my chair.

"So you aren't dating her or corrupting her?" Emmett once again popped into the conversation.

I snorted at his remark, as if he weren't trying to do the very thing he was accusing me of.

"No, we're just acquaintances." I responded. "But you better stay the fuck away from her and I'm not even joking."

I meant it. I would beat the ever loving shit out of the chunk of muscles who was my brother.

He laughed, threw his head back even, "I'd love to see you try, asshole."

"ENOUGH!" Our dad yelled, once again hitting the table. "No one in this family will date and or attempt to corrupt the Swan girl. Emmett, you need to stay focused on football." He turned towards my brother and they stared each other down for a few seconds before Emmett finally nodded his consent.

"And you," my dad turned and pointed to me, "are in no condition to be dating Isabella Swan or anyone else. I would hope that even in your own mind, you could sense it wise to stay away from the girls in town."

"Fuck you," I spat. He always had to throw my faults up in my face. I felt my mother's hand come over to touch my arm and I flinched away from her.

"Get to school, all of you," Carlisle Cullen had spoken and we were all expected to cower to his demands, like his little flock.

One by one, we all got up and left the room. I ran up the stairs to grab my stuff before making my way back down to my car. I really didn't want to go to school today but I couldn't afford to have any more attention drawn to me, either. I'd already skipped one day this week, if I did it again, Esme would get a call from Mrs. Cope.

I certainly didn't need my doped-up mother on my ass about anything, much less a girl or missing school.

I got into my car, cranked up the Nirvana, lit a cigarette and took off out of the driveway. I got to the corner, turned down the dirt road to the side and pulled over. I quickly grabbed my now empty flask out of my hoodie pocket, slid the gallon jug out from under my seat and filled that fucker up. I was down to less than half a gallon and I knew I'd have to take a trip to Port Angeles tonight to get some more. It was the weekend after all.

Not that that meant anything different than any other night, except I could spend more time in the meadow getting completely blitzed.

I wonder if I can get Caterpillar to go with me?

Fuck, see that shit right there just pissed me the fuck off. Why the fuck did I want her to go with me anyway?

_You know you want her, you even told her so. _That damn voice in my head rang out like a fucking annoying bell.

"Dammit," I screamed and punched the steering wheel as I drove.

I pulled into the parking lot, and of course I immediately spotted Bella's little beat up Honda. She glanced back through her window and smiled as I parked a row behind her and over one.

I frowned.

What the fuck was I going to do now? I don't 'do' girlfriends. I especially don't 'do' public attention. It wasn't like we were going to walk down the halls holding hands or making out. And, I sure as fuck wasn't going to talk to her at school for everyone to know my business, either.

I pulled out my phone and hovered over a blank text.

_Nothing changes at school. Don't get any bright ideas. - E_

That should do it.

It did, because not twenty seconds later, she turned around and flipped me off before she got out of her car and stormed into the school building.

Fuck me.

I knew better than to kiss her. Fuck that, I knew better to go over to her house period. But for once, I didn't want to be alone. And, sometimes she just makes me feel okay. Well, better than the shittiness I normally feel.

I got out of my car, grabbed my bag and locked up the Volvo. I made it to my first class just before the bell rang.

It was then I remembered the fuckery Alice had caused and I had to figure out a way to get that little twit back for the shit she pulled this morning.

I spotted Bree, Alice's best friend, sitting a few desks in front of me. I knew the chic had a 'thing' for me, so I smirked at her. She blushed and turned around quickly.

She hesitantly turned around again so I mouthed at her, 'meet me after class'. She gasped then slowly nodded as her eyes lit up.

Oh, this was going to be fun and I could get my dick sucked in the meantime.

As soon as the bell rang, she glanced back at me and I nodded towards the door.

I followed her down the hall that led to the empty storage room all the students used to take care of business.

She stepped into the closet and I did the same, locking the door behind me.

"On your knees, little girl," I demanded and she complied.

Bree looked up at me timidly, "You aren't going to like, kiss me first or anything?"

I groaned, "No, sweetie, that isn't what this is about. Now, do you want to suck my cock or not?"

She was annoying me and I was starting to rethink this whole idea.

"It's just, I've never done this and well, I thought it would be a little different," her eyes now brimming with tears.

"Get the fuck up and get the fuck out." I said, harsh and brutal.

Now she was full on crying and ran out of the room.

I sighed, ran a hand through my hair and walked out the door only to see none other than Caterpillar standing there, jaw open and her eyes filled with anger, resentment and regret.

I winked at her and pretended to zip up my jeans before I turned and walked off.

What a clusterfuck of a day this was turning out to be and it wasn't even nine AM yet.

I walked into my next class and bumped Bella's desk on my way down the aisle.

I heard her mumble, "Fuck you, asshole," under her breath. I sat down in my chair and turned to smirk at her.

"That I am." I replied and she just glared at me once again.

The rest of the day was pretty much the same and I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there, on the highway to PA and then to my meadow.

I needed to chill the fuck out.

And that's exactly what the hell I did.

Until four hours later, I was too drunk to even stand up, I knew I would wind up sleeping in the meadow. But oddly enough, I missed talking to Caterpillar.

I pulled out my cell and typed her a text but she didn't respond. I waited and waited, but nothing.

So I called her, only to get her damn voicemail.

Who the fuck did that bitch think she was? I needed to talk to her and she owed me for last night.

I somehow managed to stand up, holding onto a tree but decided, fuck it, she wasn't worth it after all.

Before I passed out, I typed her one last message.

_Caterpillar, get out of my head, this is all your fault. If you weren't so damn beautiful, it would be a waste of my time. But, I see how you are, I need you and you ignore me. So fuck you. - E_

That should do it, I thought as I closed my eyes and let the booze pull me under.

**A/n: Now, before you throw things at me…remember that FAITH that I talked about? (waits for ya'll to nod) Keep that in mind;)**

**And, remember, he's not well.**

**Rec's for you lovelies:**

**Fix You by Chocaholic – it's just starting but I am already in love with it…and begging for more chapters;)**

**Adagio by Sparrownotes24 – piano playing Edward…need I say more?**

**See you all on Friday;)**

**Kyla**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/n: Ya'll had some pretty serious thoughts about last chapter. But, I must address one thing first:**

**DEAR GUEST REVIEWER: IF YOU ARE GOING TO ACCUSE MY CHARACTER OF BEING A CHEATER FOR HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD GO BACK AND RE-READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER. THERE WAS NO SEX IN THAT CHAPTER. THERE WAS NO CHEATING AS BELLA AND EDWARD ARE NOT A COUPLE. IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO SKIM THE CHAPTERS I SPEND HOURS WRITING, PLEASE MOVE ALONG. IF NOT, THEN I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU RE-READ THE CHAPTER TO SET YOURSELF STRAIGHT.**

**Now, much love and thanks to my wonderful team: AJFM, Eternally Edward's girl and Grnidgirl – I love you all so damn much!**

**My JUF girls – ya'll complete me;)**

**Welcome NEW READERS…don't be shy, I'd love to hear from you**

BPOV

I wasn't about to sit around this house and wait for that fucking Cullen to show his ugly face. Ok, well, his face isn't ugly but right now, he's the last fucking idiot I want to see. I might commit murder because I know where Charlie keeps the guns and the ammo.

That fucking prick needs a swift kick to the balls, that's for damn sure. That shit he pulled today sealed his fate with me. He can kiss my ass. I am so done with him.

I called Charlie when I got home and told him I was heading to the bookstore in Port Angeles. He didn't understand why I couldn't wait and go to the used bookstore here in town tomorrow, but it didn't matter. I was going regardless.

I grabbed me a Mountain Dew at the corner store and cranked up the new Pink cd before I hit the highway. The drive wasn't that bad and I could swear Edward passed me on the road, but he was heading back towards Forks.

What the hell was he up to? And, how had he gotten to PA that quick and back?

Bella, why the fuck _do_ you care? I asked myself.

I didn't. Seriously. I really could care less.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that sweetie_, my inner voice droned on.

An hour later, I pulled up in front of the 'Turtle Books' shop and got out. I spent at least an hour just browsing the shelves. I was curious about this new erotica trilogy everyone was yapping about. But I knew it wasn't something I was interested in, so I settled on a few other lesser known books by new authors and paid for them with the cash Charlie had given me as an allowance.

I decided to grab something to eat at the local Taco Bell. We didn't have one in Forks and I miss eating there when I was in Phoenix. My friends and I used to get stoned and go tear up some tacos.

The drive thru was packed so I parked and went inside. I stood in line and waited to place my order when I heard a voice in my ear, "What's a beauty like you doing here alone on a Friday night?"

I turned with a start to see this good-looking guy smiling at me. He was tall, taller than Edward, had light brown hair and these beautiful blue eyes. He had those classic looks; smart, confident and entitled.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I rather enjoy being alone, Friday night or otherwise." I said with a grin and turned back around.

"Well, it's a crime for someone as gorgeous as you to ever be alone, sweetheart." His voice was right in my ear again and it was starting to piss me off.

"Just leave me alone," I said over my shoulder.

He shrugged and put his hands up defensively in front of him.

It was my turn so I placed my order. I got my cup went to fill up my drink and sat down to wait for them to call my number.

Wouldn't you know that fucking prick sat down at my table with a smile.

"Look beautiful, just give me your name and phone number and I'll leave you alone," he sounded so sure of himself, and it only pissed me off further.

"Not a chance in hell," I replied and watched him frown.

"Come on, I'm a good guy. I just want to take you out, show you what I'm made of," he gave me this shy little grin. I had to admit, he really was gorgeous.

"I'm not interested in dating." I replied and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Just one date, that's all I ask," he gave me those sad eyes and I almost caved.

"Sorry," I answered and got up to retrieve my food as my number had been called.

I got my stuff and walked out to my car, where this dude was leaning up against the driver's side door of my car.

"Look, I really like you and I'd like to take you out. Please give me a chance?" Once again, he gave me those sad eyes and I was once again tempted to give in to his request.

"What's your name?" I finally asked as I fidgeted with my food and keys.

"Riley Biers," he smiled and stuck out his hand.

"Bella Swan," I replied and shook his hand back.

"So, can I call you sometime?" He questioned and I felt myself giving in.

"Give me your phone," I told him, to which he readily handed it over. I typed in my name and number and laid his phone back into his hand.

"Awesome," he said and leaned forward to kiss my cheek before I ducked away.

"Respect my personal space, it's just a phone number, no promises for anything else," I said and he put his hand over his heart, feigning hurt.

"I got it, babe." Riley looked at me and smiled before he moved off my car and opened the door for me.

We chatted for a few minutes before he finally let me get into the car to head back to Forks.

Just as I was about to turn onto the main highway, I got a text from Edward.

I sighed, read his message, deleted it and turned my phone off.

I wasn't in the mood for his shit tonight, nor was I going to be his punching bag anymore.

Maybe I should go out with Riley, it might help me get Edward-fucking-Cullen out of my system.

I thought about that all the way home as I ate my tacos on the drive. I pulled up at my house just after ten, hoping Edward didn't randomly appear tonight. I wasn't in the mood and I didn't want to see him.

Of course, Charlie wasn't home either, so I went inside, headed up the stairs and decided to take a long, hot bath.

I wanted to start one of the books I'd purchased, "Love Through Another's Eyes". It sounded good and angsty and just what I needed to fill my Friday night.

Thirty minutes later, I was sitting in a hot bath, sufficiently high and ready to soak with a good book.

Then I heard it, my phone. It kept going off with the text alert, then a ring, then another text.

I knew it was Edward. I also knew he was only to get worse before he got better. My guess was he was already three sheets to the wind drunk and or high and needed me to talk him off that proverbial ledge he lived on.

Well, fuck him, because it wasn't happening tonight.

I stayed in the tub until the water was cold, then got out and prepared for bed. I finally checked my phone close to midnight. There was a couple of texts from Riley, I'd text him back tomorrow. I wasn't going to appear over-eager to get back to him.

I crawled into bed with my book that was surprisingly well written and had me sucked into this character's head. I was just getting to a good juicy part when my phone went off again.

Another text from Edward.

Once I read what he'd written, I just sat there in stunned silence.

He is seriously deranged … and it made me miss him infinitely.

**A/n: Ah…a new player to the game!? **

**So, thoughts/theories about Riley? **

**What about her thoughts on Edward?**

**What should she do?!**

**See ya on Monday**

**Kyla**


	14. Chapter 14

AWoC ch14

**A/n: I think that this chapter might just answer a few questions for all of you…and stir up the pot a little more.**

**I don't feel that I've warned you all enough about the slow burn and/or the absolute 'chaos' of this world I've written. Yes, they are all messed up…there isn't 'sunshine and rainbows' to be had, AT THE MOMENT. BUT, I promise you there will be an HEA, far, far, far down the line. I wouldn't put you all through this hell for nothing, I PROMISE!**

**I set out to write something COMPLETELY OOC…I warned of that in the beginning. And, yes, some of you have voiced that you dislike the multiple POV's. For that, I can't say I'm sorry because ALL of the characters have a part to play in this fic and they ALL deserved to be heard in some way or another.**

**I marked this angst for a reason, all I will say is that is has to get worse, much worse before it can even start to get better. So, if what you've read so far is too much for you, I fear that as we get deeper into this, it might be way too much for you to handle.**

**Plain and simple: These families, these individuals are completely and totally FUCKED UP! So, you've been warned.**

**Now…much love to my beta, A Jasper For Me. She's amazing. However, I did some changing and tweaking AFTER her greatness, so all errors are mine.**

**I couldn't function w/out my pre-readers; Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. They simply held my hand and make it all better when I need it to be. I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**NOW, let's check in on Charlie…**

Charlie POV

I turned the cruiser down the block and noticed that Cullen boy's car parked a few rows down from the house. I hoped he wasn't spending his time with my daughter. Unfortunately, I couldn't take the chance of removing anything out of the house tonight, even if he wasn't there.

But I knew I'd have to deal with that situation sooner rather than later. I couldn't have my daughter going around with that crazy boy. Sure, he'd stayed out of trouble the past couple of months, but that didn't mean I was going to let him influence Bella in any way.

The Cullen's were nice enough people, but they had some serious issues of their own. Besides, Bella had her own problems to deal with; Renee being the biggest problem for both of us. She had gone and gotten herself into almost two hundred thousand dollars' worth of debt, some of which she'd put in Bella's name. Now it was up to me to clear up the whole mess without Bella finding out. I didn't want this to affect her chances of getting into a good college or her credit further down the line.

So, I did something I never thought I could, I became a dirty cop. I was the Chief of Police therefore no one would suspect me of doing anything less than honorable. However, it also meant if I were discovered I'd have tarnished my reputation and ruined what was left of my life. My career would be over and I would be a disgrace in my daughter's eyes.

I had to make sure my baby girl was taken care of, which is something I should have done years ago when Renee took her away from me. I could have gone to court and gotten custody but I thought a little girl should be with her mother. Besides, I worked all the time and I was single, what would I have done with a small child?

I drove back to the station and parked the car just as I started to get out, my cell phone rang. I knew it was that punk and I knew what he wanted.

"Chief Swan," I answered the phone.

There was a sarcastic laugh on the other end, "Just who I was looking for. You making a drop tonight? I'm running low."

"Not tonight, it'll have to be tomorrow afternoon." I said and waited for the argument to begin.

"Fuck, that wasn't the agreement. This delay will cost you at least two grand, you realize that?" He said and I sighed.

"Yeah, but I didn't have access tonight, so tomorrow will have to work. Take it or leave it." Somehow I knew he'd take it but I'd still get shorted on my cut.

"Fine, but if this is a regular thing, then I'll have to go back to the original dealer." The voice on the phone was annoyed.

"No, you know some circumstances have changed for me. There wasn't any way around it tonight." I hated having to divulge anything to this creep.

"Ah yes, the prodigal daughter has returned to town. How is that darling daughter of yours?" He said with a hint of malcontent.

I instantly grew angry, "Stay away from my daughter."

"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, so demanding. She's a child anyway. Stay on schedule or I might have to ask her out." The laughter on the other end of the phone sent a shiver of fear down my spine. I knew he was serious. I didn't want him anywhere near Bella. I'd send her out with Cullen before I let this low-life get his hands anywhere near my child.

I hung up the phone and went into the station to sit out the rest of the night.

Just before dawn, my relief showed up so I headed home. After I showered, I went to my room to get the stuff from the box so I could go make the drop after Bella left for school. I wanted to get it out of here as quickly as possible.

Once I had the box on the bed and opened it, I noticed something wasn't right. The pot was considerably underweight. Nothing else had been touched but one of the bags of pot had been messed with.

Surely my daughter wasn't stealing drugs out of here. Bella wouldn't do drugs, right?

Fuck. How do I even start to explain this box? Or how do I even confront her?

She knew her mother was an addict and she had to know that shit was hereditary. I couldn't believe she'd be that foolish. It had to be that Cullen boy, he was a known user. Maybe she'd confided in him she found it and he'd convinced her to steal it for him.

That had to be it. I just couldn't see Isabella getting herself mixed up in something that risky. She was a smart girl, quiet, reserved, she knew better.

I knew I'd have to find a new place to stash this box now I couldn't take any more chances. As it was I going to be short from what had been taken and unfortunately there wasn't anything I could currently replace it with.

But I would find that little shit, Edward Cullen, and give him the scare of his fucking life, that shit was for sure.

I packed up my stuff, went down to the kitchen and waited for Bella to get up and ready for school.

I'd head to PA and make the drop then hit the bank so I could deposit the money to pay off some bills then finally get some sleep.

I was getting too old for all this shit. But I had to make this right for my daughter, whether she knew it or not.

Once Renee got out of that fucking rehab, we were going to sit and have a nice long chat about why I should arrest her for identity theft. Hell, at this rate, the bitch deserved to rot in a cell for a few years. But I couldn't do that to Bella. She'd tried as hard as she could to keep Renee in line far longer than any child should have had too.

I'll always feel guilty for that.

And I'd do whatever it took to make things right for Bella. She deserved nothing less.

Two hours later, I drove into Port Angeles and parked my car at the local grocery store before I walked across the street with the duffle bag. I was in street clothes and a ball cap, trying to conceal as much of my identity as possible.

I didn't need to be found out, especially here where my good friend, Harry was the Sheriff.

I went around back of the warehouse and knocked. I had to wait for a few minutes until that punk, Riley, opened the door for me.

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me." He said with a scowl as he opened the door to let me in.

We moved into a center office where I laid all the drugs out on the desk. He began to weigh it all and count it up.

"You're short." He announced as if I didn't know.

"I know, just take out the difference." I replied with a nod at the half empty bag of pot. I mean seriously, it was short two pounds out of the almost fifty-grand worth of other drugs he had before him.

He snuffed then sat down to open a safe where he kept his cash.

He began to count out the money and I fought the anger inside of myself at the situation I found myself in at the moment.

All the years I'd let Bella suffer. All the years I'd let Renee continue to live with her addictions.

I was paying for it right now as he slid the ten-grand into my sweaty palms.

"Let's hope the next drop isn't short. I saw that sweet daughter of yours today. She's a hot piece of ass for sure." Riley sneered at me and I wished I'd had my gun on me, because I could have easily put a bullet in his brain.

"Stay away from my daughter, Biers, I mean it." I gritted at him as he just sat and smirked at me.

"We'll see," and with that he dismissed me.

I was fucked and now I had to make sure I kept Bella as far away from Port Angeles as possible.

I was so damn tired all of the sudden.

**A/N: Poor Charlie…so blind by his love for Bella, he doesn't see the obvious. And, shame on him for not doing more to protect Bella from Renee.**

**But, he loves his daughter and is doing what he can to right his wrong. Is it right? Who am I to judge…but, what do you think? What would you do to protect your child?**

**Recs:**

**Repeat Rec but it's complete now…and simply AMAZING!**

**Barefoot in Texas by planetblue – Edward's road to discovery leads him in a completely different direction than he thought…especially after he meets the free-spirited Bella. Can she save him? Or will he have to save himself? It is a beautifully written first story by a new author that I can't wait to hear from again. Check it out!**

**Salacious by Cutestkidsmom – A mysterious society, a demanding Edward and a curious Bella…it's delicious and it won FIC OF THE WEEK on TLS last week. Worth reading, I promise!**

**See ya on Friday;)**

**Kyla**


	15. Chapter 15

AWoC ch15

**A/N: Hello my lovelies! Happy Friday update;) **

**Ya'll had LOTS of opinions about Charlie's doings…we'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out, won't we;)**

**Much love to my beta, AJFM and my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**Now, let's check in on our bundle of chaos….**

EPOV

The sun beamed down through the trees and woke my ass up. I groaned and rolled over just before I lost what little was in my stomach.

I knew today was going to be a completely shitty day.

I reached for my phone and noticed the little light was blinking indicating a message. There were five missed calls from both of my parents, one from Alice and a single text message from Bella.

_I shouldn't miss you, but I do. But, you are such a fucking dick. I don't know if we can be friends or whatever the fuck we are. No matter how beautiful you think I am. Fuck you, too. Get out of MY head - B_

What the fuck was she going on about? When the fuck did I tell her I thought she was beautiful? Did I think she was?

I moaned as I scrolled through my last text to her.

Fuck.

What was this chick doing to me? She had me writing semi-pussy whipped texts and shit.

I knew I'd have to deal with my parents sooner or later. But I seriously didn't want to.

I typed out a text to my mom letting her know I was fine and I'd be home shortly. With any luck my dad would be gone for the day and Esme would be high as a kite and uncaring, as usual.

What the hell was I going to do about Caterpillar?

I sat up knees bent and put my head into my hands. What was this strange feeling I was experiencing?

Regret?

Remorse?

Guilt?

Nah, Edward fucking Cullen didn't feel any of _those_ emotions.

Fuck, I don't like to feel anything. Hell, I spend the majority of my time working on NOT feeling anything at all. Numb is where I'm most comfortable.

But this Caterpillar thing was seriously wigging me out.

There was something pulling me to her, something that made me want to feel the feelings she invoked in me and that pissed me off because it scared the ever loving shit out of me.

I used to care. I used to try and be good. But for all it was worth, it only brought me more agony and heartache.

Both of my parents hated me, resented me, blamed me for the babies that died. Fuck, I got blamed for my dad's inability to keep his dick in his pants and my mom's ability to get high as a kite whenever the mood struck her.

They'd probably blame me for Emmett's man whorish ways and Alice's unexplainable connection with the freaky cowboy dude, too.

I felt something stir in my gut and I fought to hold it in.

It was loneliness when I thought of my family.

It was fear Bella would never talk to me again.

It was hurt.

All over.

Pain that wracked my body with this inexplicable radius of sheer ache.

I screamed then yelled as my head began to throb.

I pulled out my phone on instinct and typed a message to Caterpillar.

_I miss you. I need you. In ways I don't know that I could ever explain. Please forgive me. I am completely and totally fucked up. I will never deserve to be your friend, let alone in your life. But for what it's worth, I am sorry - E_

I stood up, my legs shaky, my hands trembling, but somehow I managed to gather up my stuff and make the almost mile trek back to my car.

I needed some greasy food and an Adderall, quickly. I put my stuff in the hatchback, got in and drove to town.

I got me a cheeseburger from the diner, a large Mountain Dew and found myself turning onto Caterpillar's street.

What the fuck am I doing? I thought as I stopped just in front of her house.

She was sitting on the front step, staring at something in her hand.

I parked the car, took a drink from my cup and flipped on my shades before I got out of the car.

Before I even had the door shut, I heard something and turned just in time to see Caterpillar launch herself at me, arms swinging and mouth cursing up a storm as she let loose on me.

"Fuck you, asshole. Conceited son of a bitch. Fucking prick and Neanderthal." She continued to yell at me as I ducked and covered my head.

Her fists didn't hurt but I didn't want her to hurt herself so I basically curled in on myself.

She finally stopped her rage, her breath coming in pants as I straightened up to full height to face her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you sending me shit like that?" She seethed, her spit coming out as she spoke, her voice raised.

"Caterpillar," I whispered, but was unable to meet her eyes. But I felt her shove me one more time before she turned and stomped back across the yard to sit on the porch.

I finally looked up to see her staring at me, her eyes on fire.

"Well?" That was it. That was all she said as I sighed and began the stride across the wet lawn to sit beside her on the porch.

"Bella," I said quietly, and clenched my hands to stop them from shaking so badly.

"Edward," she replied through gritted teeth.

"I don't know what to tell you," I finally said after a few seconds of silence.

She let out a frustrated sigh and began to fidget next to me. I was afraid she was going to start wailing on me again, so I moved a little further away.

"Do you have any idea how completely and utterly fucked up you are?" Caterpillar finally spoke, her voice going strangely calm.

I shook my head, keeping my eyes down on as I inspected the ground between my feet. I truly don't know the depth of my fucked-upness.

"It feels like you are intentionally fucking with my head, Cullen." Her voice once again full of ire as my own hackles rose. She knew I hated being called by my last name. I didn't like the connection to my father that the name held.

"I'm not." I responded and kicked the stick lying at the toe of my boot.

She scoffed again and scooted a bit closer to me, our jean-clad thighs almost touching.

"Then what the fuck is your problem?" Her voice once again eerily calm, like she was trying to dissect me.

"I don't even know how to begin to answer that fucking question," I said after a few minutes of hesitation.

"So what the fuck was that little demonstration at school yesterday?" Caterpillar asked, tepidly and almost a little weak, like she was being shy.

I finally found my balls and looked up at her to see her head down, her hair falling around her face so I couldn't see her.

I leaned over and found her chin, bringing her face into full view of my eyes. God, she was exquisite in her beauty.

"I am an asshole." It was a simple answer.

She minutely nodded in agreement and then I noticed a trace of wetness on her eyes.

Fuck, I'd made her cry.

Just great, something else to add to my long list of guilt-ridden issues.

"But why to me? I've done nothing but listen to you, try to be a friend to you. Why would you deliberately try to hurt me?" I let my hand flatten against her cheek while she spoke, unable to stop the desire to feel her skin.

"I don't know," was all I could say.

She closed her eyes and a few more tears escaped.

I brought my other hand up and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Well, figure it out, because I'm not going to put up with it." Her eyes opened and held mine before she pulled my hands from her face.

"And you are right about one thing," she paused and moved to stand up, "you don't deserve to be a part of my life, especially if you can't figure it out."

She turned and walked up the steps, opened the front door and left me sitting there on her porch.

I heard the door lock behind her and I knew it was my cue to leave.

I sighed, turned and looked hard at the closed door.

I was completely and totally fucked.

Once again, I was alone.

**A/N: Poor Bella. Poor Edward.**

**Hopefully these kids can figure it all out soon;)**

**See ya Monday!**

**Kyla**


	16. Chapter 16

AWoC Ch16

**A/N: So, we're slowly, so slowly making some headway…stick with them lovelies. I promise they will NOT let you all down. Nor, will I, hopefully.**

**Welcome to all the new readers/lurkers out there. I'm so excited to see so many new favorites/followers/subscribers! I'd love to hear from you all!**

**Thank you, as always to my team: AJFM my extraordinary beta – YOU AMAZE ME! Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom – ya'll hold my hand, love me as I am and have embraced these whacky characters – I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Now…go, read…maybe take a tissue or two….**

EPOV

I got up and drove home, not wanting to face the wrath of my family but desperate for a shower, a change of clothes and my bed.

Luckily, my mother's car was the only one in the driveway as I pulled up and parked.

I grabbed my now full flask, my cigs, Ipod and got out of the car. I looked up to see my mother standing in the front doorway, watching me as I walked up the steps and stood just in front of her.

"I was worried about where you were," Esme said, and I could tell she'd been crying as her eyes were rimmed red.

"I'm fine, a little hung-over, but I'm okay," I answered and started to pass her, but she put her hand up to my face, like she was going to touch my hair. But I pulled back and put my hands up in front of me, defensively.

She sighed and moved to the side.

Esme Cullen had lost the right to soothe me with her touch the night she'd come into my room a week after our accident and slapped me across the face.

It had broken my heart as I was crying after a nightmare about the car wreck. Instead of coming into my room to soothe me, she slapped me for needing her, wanting her comfort, for crying basically.

I was eleven fucking years old, still a little boy in so many ways.

But, the look on her face told me she was dead inside. The mother that had previously loved me, cared for me, put up with my erratic behavior was gone.

That little boy inside of me died that night.

I stayed in my room for a week before anyone came in to tell me I had to get up, shower and go to school.

I did, only to get expelled a few hours later for beating the shit out of Mike Newton for making fun of me for having a broken arm.

I used my cast to break his nose.

I spent another week curled up in bed, my door locked … alone.

From that point up until now, I'd learned to survive on my own.

Gone were the days of football games on the lawn with my brother and dad.

Gone were the jovial family dinners around the dining room table.

Gone were the family vacations where they were actually enjoyable.

I was completely disconnected from what my life used to be and who I was.

So, that's who I became and why I have no answer for Caterpillar.

There's no one answer to give her for the shit I pull or how I behave.

I know I'm completely fucked in the head, but I've always figured I could bide my time until graduation, get my inheritance and disappear from this dismal life and town.  
I'd get help somewhere along the way, go to college and begin to live again.

That was until Caterpillar came along.

I got to my room, locked the door, stripped out of my filthy clothes and turned on the shower.

The water was warm and worked on my aching back and neck that were stiff from sleeping on the mushy ground and rocks of the meadow. I closed my eyes, stood under the stream and tried to relax.

It didn't work because all I saw was her face, her lips, her eyes as the tears slid down her porcelain cheeks.

I hadn't cried in years but I felt the tears build up behind my closed lids.

Kissing her, touching her, for a few moments, feeling the tender way she touched me; it stirred something inside of me.

Need.

Desire.

Comfort.

I opened my eyes and realized I was stroking myself as I cried for Bella, my Caterpillar.

I wanted her.

I wanted her to want me.

Fuck, I needed her and I had completely fucked it all up.

How in the world would I or could I make her understand I wasn't a prick?

I felt the build-up in my shaft and I knew it was sick and twisted, but it was her I was hard for and wanted to push her against the wall and bury myself inside of.

I needed it.

I wanted it.

I quickly came and felt the energy drain from my body as the semen shot from my dick against the tiled wall.

I leaned my head against the wet surface and cried, sobbed and felt years of hurt and pain flow from my eyes.

I stood there and let it out until the water began to turn cool.

I turned it off, grabbed a towel and stepped out, drying off quickly.

I walked into my trashed room, looked around for a tank top and a pair of pajama pants. Once I found them, I slid into them, cold and shaking, needing some form of warmth to comfort me.

I stood in the middle of my room and turned in a circle.

There was nothing of comfort for me within these walls.

There was nothing to fulfill the desire to be physically held out of my system within these walls.

So, I did the only thing I could do, I crawled into bed, smelling Caterpillar's faint scent on my pillow and closed my eyes.

I curled into a ball, pulling the comforter around me like a cocoon and cried again.

How did I let this become my life? How did I let myself become so detached?

No one wanted me around.

No one cared I was alone.

I finally felt the sleep pull me under and I dug into the blanket covering me, seeking warmth.

_I opened my eyes to the sun on my face._

_"Hi gorgeous," I heard the melodic smile in her voice as I focused on her brown eyes looking down on me._

_My head was resting in her lap and the sun cast a shadow around her head like a halo._

_"Hi," I smiled and realized how raspy my voice sounded, still full of sleep._

_"How long was I out?" I asked as I turned slightly inward and felt one of her hands strumming through my hair and the other cradling one of my cheeks._

_"A while," she smiled down on me, her face full of love and adoration as she gazed at me, "you were tired, so I let you sleep."_

_"I'm sorry I'm so tired," I spoke softly, unable to move for fear she would disappear._

_She slowly leaned down and brought her lips to mine._

_"I'm here, I won't leave you. Sleep if you need to sleep," I smiled and brought my hands around her stomach to hold myself to her._

_I closed my eyes and hummed a tune melodically playing in my head._

_I felt her lips against my temple and it soothed me._

_I was infinitely comforted by her voice, her touch and the knowledge that she wouldn't leave me._

_"Sleep, my love. I've got you." She whispered as I let the sleep pull me back under._

I sat up with a start and noticed it was pitch black in my room.

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

My mouth was dry and my tongue was rough and tacky.

My hair was drenched and stuck to my head.

I reached for my flask and noticed a bottle of water on my nightstand.

I grabbed it and drained the plastic bottle quickly.

I also grabbed my phone, unsure of what to do but knowing that to do nothing would be detrimental to my cause.

I pulled up Caterpillar's name and hovered over the keyboard.

_I don't know what to tell you because then I'd have to tell you everything. But, for what it's worth, I am sorry. Can you please forgive me? - E_

It was all I knew to say.

It was all I could say.

The rest was more than I was capable of.

**A/N: Now, I've written a fair few Edward's over the past few years…but NONE other than Please Rescue Me's Edward have gripped my heart the way that Chaosward does. This character is so near and dear to me. I want to hold him and hug him and NEVER let him go. He's been through so much pain and turmoil with NO ONE to comfort him, to love him, to show him that NONE of it was his fault.**

***sighs***

**I just love him.**

**Rec: **

**Tutus, Teeth and a bag of Fairy Dust by Twistar Junkie – it's Edward, in full fairy drag, as the tooth fairy…along with a confrontational Bella…it's hilarious and witty – a quick read and updates quickly! Check it out if you need a good laugh;)**

**Swim, Tadpole, Swim by Chanse Lowell – this a repost of this fic. Under a new name but the same cleaned up fic. I absolutely LOVED it and it's an amazing fic…older Bella, younger Edward. Hot, Steamy lemons, great storyline…I LOVE IT! And, it's got a sequel. Check it out.**

**See you all Friday. Kyla**


	17. Chapter 17

AWoC ch17

**A/n: Hello my lovelies…**

**This is another alternative POV and I feel the need to warn ya'll. Esme is NOT an easy character to write but it is extremely important to this story for her POV to be told. While we all make not approve of her choices or actions, keep in mind she isn't well. She's mentally ill and in the throes of a grief that no parent should have to endure. I speak from experience having buried a child. I know her pain. I know her grief. Although I didn't have a mental illness or treat my living child as she did, I do understand her head a bit more. (And I sought help)**

**So, no flames, okay. I am NOT condoning her actions AT ALL. I love Chaosward to much for that to ever happen, trust me!**

**Thank you to my dear beta, A Jasper for Me. You inspire me and ILY! Also, to my lifelines: Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. I want to squishy hug you all 3 so hard and tight;)**

**Now….read….**

Esme POV

My head is foggy again.

Most days, that's how I prefer it. I don't have to think, do or feel. I can just … be.

There's no pain in the numb. There's no guilt in the numb. And, there's definitely no regret in the numb.

I like, or preferably, embrace the numb.

I guess this is what happens when you would rather be dead. I wish Carlisle had just let me die. I wish my daughters had lived and our family was still a loving, cohesive unit.

My husband cheats on me, unable to touch me or afraid to even ask. He's afraid I'm made of glass and about to shatter at any moment.

Emmett is following in his father's footsteps and has become a womanizer. I abhor that behavior but I simply don't have the strength to tell him to stop or even remind him that's not how to treat women.

Alice is still trying to 'fix' me and be the perfect child. God bless her, but there is no fix for what ails me. I'm doomed and it breaks my heart to continue to disappoint her, yet nothing will change it either.

And there's Edward … I've lost him completely. He's definitely one of my biggest regrets. I think I've destroyed his soul. I'll burn in Hell the most for that one.

I roll over on the bed, listening to the quietness of the house. The air is still and the silence traps me amid the piles of blankets. I know I need to grab a few more pills before the numb wears off completely otherwise my head will flood with the ache that surfaces when I don't push it away.

The latest rejection from Edward has sent me into a tailspin of extraordinary turmoil. Even the numbing sensations of the narcotic cocktail can't keep it at bay this time.

I have no more tears to cry as I finally manage to sit up and grab the bottle of Xanax from the bedside table, along with my glass of wine. I pour four pills into the palm of my hand, wash them down with a glass of white zinfandel and manage to walk over to the bedroom window.

I stare out at the green of the landscape around me and put my palms against the glass. It's cool and eerily chilling to my skin. The fact that I feel the cold warrants a deep breath from my lungs.

I see a tree swaying in the soft wind and I remember a day when we all went on a picnic a few hundred yards behind the house.

Alice and I played with bubbles, laughing and giggling as I watched her chase them while I blew them from a large wand she'd insisted I buy her a few days before.

The boys and Carlisle are throwing a ball around. Emmett is doing all he can to teach Edward how to throw it hard like he did. Carlisle is watching the two of them and Edward is soaking in all the attention.

It was a good day for him. Apparently the new medication was working, as his outbursts and mood swings had settled a bit and his temperament made it a little easier for us to have days like this one.

Carlisle had been so concerned when we'd finally gotten a good therapist to start handling Edward's care. But he was still harping on me to seek out her help as well. However, I adamantly refused, as the medication would make it difficult for me to conceive again and I was desperate for at least one more baby.

I knew Edward had been cursed the same as I was. The doctors had warned me my illness was hereditary, but I had always managed it with medication and hadn't had a manic cycle in years at that point.

That was a good day.

I found out a short time later, I was indeed pregnant again.

I was ecstatic while Carlisle was hesitant to embrace the joy in the news. He was always worried; about my illness, about another miscarriage, about everything.

I wanted those babies.

I desperately needed those babies.

My other children were getting older, not as needy, becoming more independent. I wanted something to make me feel useful again. I craved the feeling of being a new mom.

All it took was a split second for it all to be shattered.

All it took was Edward and his fucking deviant behavior to destroy me, him, all of us.

And I've never let him forget it.

I feel guilt for that for a split second, but then I remember the day we laid our little angels to rest in the ground.

Then, all I feel is rage, pain, heartbreak.

I sink to the floor in front of the window, my knees touching the glass and I smush my cheek up against the glass as the sob screams from my lips.

I hate that I hurt.

I hate that I feel.

I hate that I hate my own child.

And I cry over that hate. I'm a mother, I shouldn't feel that way.

I feel like it's time to just get rid of it all. I try to search through my fogging brain for a plan, an idea, something to end it all.

It's time for it all to end.

It's time for me to end.

Soon, very soon, something will finally snap inside of me and I'll figure it all out. But soon is not right now. Right now, I curl up against the window and let my eyes watch the tree sway overhead and allow the numb to creep back in.

Soon my numb will be permanent.

**A/N: She's clearly NOT as numb as she'd like to be…**

**See ya'll Monday….**

**Kyla**


	18. Chapter 18

AWoC ch18

**A/N: First off, WOW…ya'll totally blew me away with your responses to Esme's POV. Thank you all for your opinions. I am going to try and respond to them just haven't had a chance yet.**

**Secondly, Guest reviewer, if you have nothing but purely spiteful/negative things to say about my characters, PLEASE STOP READING. I appreciate POSITIVE criticism but blatantly trashy my fic with poor grammar and spelling is NOT the way to do that.**

**Thirdly, thank you to my team: AJFM, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. I truly couldn't do this without your hands to hold mine!**

**Now…let's check in on a still upset Bella.**

BPOV

It's been the week from hell, to be honest and the last thing I want to do tonight is go out with Riley. But I had already agreed to go to this party with him and I wasn't really looking forward to sitting in the house alone all night either.

The week at school had been horrid at best. Between Edward's absence and his erratic, vulnerably beautiful texts, I was struggling with the desire to drive to see him and simply crushing my phone so as to not have to deal with him anymore.

I don't get him.

He's not rational and or sane.

But in so many ways, I finally feel like I am seeing the real Edward Cullen. This is like a soft, sensitive, completely broken side of him that makes me want to forgive him.

I feel the urge to hug him and then hit him again.

Sitting on the porch with him in the rain that day, I didn't want to hurt and he'd hurt me. I didn't want to know what it felt like to experience hope for love and then have my heart broken without my permission.

This was exactly why I hadn't dated before him and why I shouldn't date now. But Riley seemed like a good distraction.

And my dad had apparently gotten wise to what I was doing because he'd removed all the drugs from the house. The only thing he left was a bottle of Tylenol. There wasn't even any cough syrup or Nyquil to be found.  
My phone chimed with a text message.

_I miss you. Can I take you somewhere? - E_

I read it, threw the phone on my bed and sighed before I fell backwards against the mattress.

I didn't want to deal with this tonight.

I wanted to get dressed, go get drunk and hopefully high, and come home to sleep the rest of the weekend away.

I grabbed my phone, stared at the screen for a few seconds and then decided to just get it over with.

_No, I have a date. I'll be out all night - B._

There, I'd done it. I turned my phone to silent and finished getting dressed.

I chose a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans, a black slim-waist peasant blouse and my black riding boots, a little eyeliner, lip gloss and I was ready to go. I'd let my hair air dry and left it down, so I grabbed my jacket, wallet, keys and my phone before I stomped down the stairs to leave.

I wrote Charlie a note saying I'd gone to PA to get some new books and headed out the door.

I turned my phone back on and texted Riley for directions to the party.

An hour later, Riley met me on the front porch of his house where the music was loud and people were everywhere.

So not my scene, but what the hell, right? He directed me to park in the driveway and walked toward the car.  
I took a deep breath and got out of the car. Riley came to stand beside the door as I stood up and he smiled at me.

"Hey babe, I was beginning to think you were going to stand me up," he closed my car door and slid an arm around my back to lead me into the house.

"Nah, just running late, as usual." I replied, a little uncomfortable with his arm touching my body. But I tried to ignore it and relax. It was a party after all.

We walked into the house, the music was loud but there were people dancing, some sitting around hitting a bong and some playing cards or something at the kitchen table.

He grabbed me a beer out of a cooler on the dining room floor, opened it and handed it to me.

"Come on, let's go chill in here," he grabbed my free hand and pulled me behind him towards the living room. Riley sat on the couch and tugged my arm to where I was forced to sit in his lap.

"I'm glad you are finally here," he said and squeezed my thigh. I tried to give him a genuine smile, but I was completely out of my comfort zone.

I took a drink from the bottle of beer, forcing it to go down my throat, as it tasted like piss. It was some cheap shit and I was used to drinking the higher quality shit from when I still lived in Arizona.

I nodded, "Me too," I finally replied.

"So what have you been up to all week?" he asked and tugged me a little tighter up against him.

I tried to loosen his grip on me, but it wasn't working.

"Oh, just school work mostly," my response was lame but the truth. Well, except that I was also avoiding Edward and the chaotic mess I was going through with him.

"Fun," he said and his smile turned creepy. I felt him leaning into me like he was going to kiss me. No way was this guy putting his lips anywhere near mine.

I suddenly felt like I was in over my head with this one.

A friend of his walked up and started to talk business with him. I knew they were talking about drugs, even if they were using code words. This made me feel a little better, 'cause maybe he could hook me up with some pot.

"You wanna chill?" Riley whispered in my ear then ran his nose down the side of my neck. I fought not shiver in response, even though it repulsed me. I certainly did not want to give this guy the wrong signals. I was beginning to see Riley wasn't at all who or what I thought he might be. And it kind of scared me.

"Sure," I replied, as I tried to appear calm and casual.

"Tyler," Riley yelled, and some guy came walking over to us.

"Yeah," he answered, so I'm guessing his name was Tyler.

"Bring me a joint," Riley commanded, and the guy nodded before he walked away only to return a few minutes later with a nice fat blunt.

"Let's get high," his voice sounded off, a little evil and I felt my anxiety begin to rise to an alarming level.

I had to think of some way to get out of this whole mess … and quick.

"I've got to go to the bathroom first," I said, jumped off his lap and pointed towards the hall just before he started to light the joint.

I tried not to run towards the safety of the small bathroom, where I locked the door and began to pace.

This was totally fucked up, but the only person I could think of for help was Edward.

**A/N: So it seems that our little Caterpillar has gotten in over her head, huh? Riley is no-good, that's for sure. I'm glad that she's sensing that. But, can she reach out to Edward in time? Can he save her?**

**Because the next chapter is my favorite, I'll make sure to post a teaser for it in my group. If you aren't there, come join us theonlykyla fanfiction on fb…or look me up KM Tok.**

**See ya on Friday!**

**Kyla**


	19. Chapter 19

AWoC Ch 19

**A/N: I present to you my favorite chapter…so far;)**

**Much love and well wishes to my precious beta, A Jasper for Me. Get well, sweets**

**Squishy hugs and love to my pre-readers: Eternally Edward's girl, Cutestkidsmom and Grnidgirl – I couldn't do this without ya'll!**

**ENJOY!**

EPOV

I walked into Riley's house, needing to refill my booze supply and was completely blindsided to see none other than Caterpillar sitting on his lap.

I think I avoided them seeing me as I watched from behind a group of kids hanging out in the dining room.

CP looked extremely uncomfortable, even for her. But what I didn't understand was what the fuck was she doing here and how the hell did she know Riley?

And I was furious he was touching her. She was MINE. Well, not mine mine, but she belonged to me, regardless.

I watched him run his nose down the sliver of her neck and felt my fists tighten. I wanted to kill him, tear him apart limb by limb, and then set him on fire after I doused him in booze.

I kept my eyes glued to Caterpillar, making sure I didn't need to step in and tear her out of his arms. I knew I'd most likely get shot and killed on the spot for touching Riley, as he was the known Drug Lord in town and surrounded by his thug posse.

But she didn't deserve to be mauled by that creep either.

When I saw Caterpillar get up and go to the bathroom, I waited a few seconds before I made my own way down the same path. I didn't knock, I busted in the door, only to see a tearful, wide-eyed CP staring back at me.

"You're here!" She gasped and flew at me, pinning me to the back of the door as she threw her arms around me in a hug. I felt the wetness of her tears on my shirt and stood there unable to move.

She wanted me here? What the fuck was going on?

"You wanted me here, CP?" I questioned her and felt her nod against my chest.

"You wanna get out of here?" I asked, and she stood up and looked at me.

"Please don't start anything, Edward," her eyes were full of fear and I thought she might now be realizing exactly what kind of situation we were in.

"Well, we can't just walk out of here. That's for sure." My mind was spinning as I tried to figure out what we could do because both our cars were outside too.

"Can you drive a stick?" I asked, and moved toward the window to see if I could get it opened.

She nodded at me and watched what I was doing.

"Good, give me your keys." I held out my hand after I had the window all the way up.

She pulled them from her pocket and put them in my palm. I did the same with mine for her.

"My car is parked at the end of the block. After we climb out of this window, run around the side of the house with me, then when I hit your car, sprint across the street and take off running as fast as you can. Get to my car and drive towards Forks. Do not stop until you hit the city limits sign," I waited for her to nod that she got all the instructions I'd just given her.

"What do I do then?" She asked with rapt attention.

"You'll make a right turn on a dirt road just about two hundred feet past the actual sign. It'll be dark, so just pull as far up the right on the dirt road as you can. I'll be right behind you and I'll hide your car there." I said, and put my hands on her cheeks so our eyes were locked.

"Don't stop. Even if they catch me, keep going. Don't deviate from the plan. Is your cell phone charged?" I wanted to make sure she was safe, even if I wasn't.

"Yes," she squealed and hugged me again. If I was being honest with myself, it felt so good to feel her again.

"We're out of time, we have to go, and go now. Remember, don't stop, no matter what." I reminded her once more as I released her and moved us towards the window.

I boosted her up and out the window, and when I heard her hit the ground, I pulled myself up and slipped through the small space. I reached up and got the window back down as far as I could from the outside without making too much noise. Not that they'd be able to hear anything over the loud music, but I knew Riley would come looking for Bella soon.

She was waiting for me at the edge of the house, peeking around the corner to see if it was clear.

"Let's go," I said, and grabbed her hand. We walked towards the front of the house. I just had to get her across the street unnoticed before I started up her car and screeched out of the driveway in her beat up Honda.

I hope this thing had enough power to at least get me to the highway as fast I needed it to.

Once we reached her car, I nudged her once, and she looked at me, checked the street and took off across the asphalt running. She never looked back. I waited about thirty seconds crouched down by her driver's side door, opened it, crawled in and cranked it up. I left the lights off and backed out of the driveway. I got to the end of the street before I saw someone appear in the middle of the street watching the car.

I put the pedal to the floor and gunned it for the highway as I was unsure if I was going to be followed or not.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out.

I quickly answered Caterpillar's call.

"He's calling me!" She was screaming and almost hysterical.

"Don't answer it, just keep driving." I demanded of her and hoped like hell she listened to me.

"Just please keep talking to me. I'm really scared, Edward," her voice quivered, and I could tell that she was probably shaking from the adrenaline.

Fuck, I was shaking too. But that could be a mixture of both the alcohol withdrawal and the adrenaline rush.

"Ok, CP, we can keep talking, just keep driving." I tried to calm down as I didn't see any lights behind me. I hoped no one decided to follow us.

"Caterpillar?" She hadn't spoken for a little bit and I was needing to hear that she was okay.

"Yeah," her reply seemed to be less shaky, so that relieved a little of my tension.

"What were you doing there with Riley?" I didn't know if now was the right time to ask that or not, but I didn't really give a fuck.

"Being stupid," was her reply.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"Why were you being so reckless? He's a fucking maniac and Charlie would kick your ass six ways to Sunday if he caught you hanging out with a known drug dealer," I heard how aggressive and angry my voice sounded and hoped she did too.

She sighed, "I know, it was stupid. But I met him last week when I was in PA and he asked me out. I thought he looked like a nice guy."

"No, Caterpillar, Riley Biers is anything but a nice guy," I snarled.

"Wait a minute, why exactly were you there tonight, Cullen?" her voice dragging out every syllable to my last name. She knew I hated that shit. Just like I knew she hated being called Caterpillar. But I didn't give a fuck. She was this beautiful creature that wasn't even aware of her own beauty. But one day, all too soon, she'd blossom out of that fucking cocoon she lived in and the world would see the most magnificent butterfly they'd ever seen. I knew it, even if she didn't.

"I had some business to attend to," was the only thing I answered.

She gave a sarcastic laugh, "Yeah, right. You were there to score again, weren't you?" I could hear her anger starting to form in her tone.

"Drop it, CP. Please." I didn't want to talk about this right now.

"Fuck, you weren't there to rescue me at all, were you?" Bella's voice raised an octave in pitch.

"Thank fuck I was," I said, and noticed where we were on the highway and didn't want her to miss our turn.

I checked the rearview mirror again. No lights, that was a good sign.

"Okay, CP, our turn is just ahead. You'll need to slow down or you'll miss it. It's not exactly well seen from the road in the pitch black of night." I scolded her, afraid we'd wind up having to turn around.

"Well, then just pass me and show me where the fuck it is," her sarcasm not at all lost on me.

So I did exactly what she instructed me to do, only for her to flip me off as I passed her.

Once we got her car taken care of, I made her scoot over so I could drive my own fucking car. I almost killed myself getting in as she had the damn seat scooted all the way up, just like she had in her own car.

"Fuck, you are short," I snapped as I adjusted my seat and avoided her 'fuck you' commentary.

"Where exactly are we going?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff.

"You'll see," was all I replied as I took off up the road to my secret place.

Tonight, she truly did belong to me.

**A/N: Ahhh….I smell some serious changes between Caterpillar and Chaosward**

**Hope you all enjoyed that little 'rescue' as much as I enjoyed writing it;)**

**Now, my fics "Angrily Ever After" and "Uncertain" are both up for completed fic of the month at …if you wouldn't mind giving me a vote. However, SO MANY of my writing friends are up, as well. Please go vote, even if it's not for me! **

**See ya Monday**

**Kyla**


	20. Chapter 20

AWoC ch20

**A/N: This a chapter that I believe most of you have been waiting for…as it answers a few questions.**

**Much love to my beta, AJFM and my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Cutestkidsmom and Grnidgirl!**

**I do not own Twilight, that all belongs to S Meyer …lucky woman.**

**ENJOY!**

EPOV

Caterpillar was pouting because I wouldn't tell her where we were going. But honestly, how would I even explain this place?

I continued driving until we hit the spot where we'd have to walk.

"We have to get out here and walk the rest of the way," I said and turned off the car.

"What the fuck, Edward! We're out in the middle of the forest in the dark of night," she began to look around outside the car.

"Yeah, so?" I shrugged and released the hatchback.

"So? So? I'm not getting out of this car to go hiking through the dark woods at night with you!" She shrieked loud enough to wake the dead.

"Caterpillar, get your ass out of the car. I have a flashlight and I'll keep you safe," I said as I got out of the car and went to retrieve my usual things I took with me to my spot.

"Do we even get cell reception up here? What if we need help?" Her questions kept coming as she finally opened her door to get out, while I stood in front of the car waiting on her.

"Are you coming or what? 'Cause I will leave your ass here in the car by yourself." I was losing my patience and needed a drink, badly. However, since I hadn't restocked my supply at Riley's, I was running dangerously low. I think I had about half a gallon left and what was in my flask, which wasn't much.

She gave me a good glare I could see even from the inside light of the car as she hesitantly got out and shut the door behind her.

"Wait for me, you know I am not an avid hiker. I'll probably fall and break my neck out here, where you'll leave me for the wolves." Her witty sarcasm made me laugh.

"Nah, the wolves know humans taste like shit, they prefer bears and deer." I joked and felt Bella's hands grab the back of my shirt as I started to lead us through the bush.

She bitched and whined the whole time it took to make it to the meadow.

Once the clearing came into view, I opened the light up bright and showed her where we were.

"Wow, this place is amazing," she twirled around in the moonlight, taking it all in.

"Yeah, I know." I said as I began to spread out the blanket. I sat down, took out my flask and drained it.

She finally stopped looking around and turned her attention back to me.

"This is where you come every night when you disappear and call me?" I heard her sit down beside me, but I was lying back with my eyes closed. I needed to calm down and relax after all the excitement of the evening.

I felt completely drained which made no sense, since I'd spent the fucking week in bed.

"What brought you here?" She asked quietly and I felt pull her knees up against her, hugging them with her little arms.

"When I was younger, I ran away from home. I got lost in the woods and found this spot. I've been coming here ever since." I answered her honestly.

She sighed and I knew that meant trouble for me.

I sat up and pulled the vodka bottle out of my duffle bag, took the cap off and turned it up. The liquid hit my throat with a burn and I relished it. I needed to numb out, even a little.

I offered her the bottle and she took it eagerly. I'm certain her own nerves were shot after the night we'd had.

"Edward," she said, after she wiped her lips with the back of her hand.

"You can't avoid my questions forever, I need some answers." I knew she was staring at me, but I had my head down, trying to clear my thoughts.

"What do you want to know?" I finally spoke, barely a whisper. I suddenly felt incredibly open and raw; like I was spread out too thin and unable to hide anything.

"Everything," her little voice whispered back.

"I've never told anyone everything," was the only response I could think of.

She moved around to where she sat directly in front of me, our knees touched with her palms flat on my knees.

I felt the heat from her touch through my jeans. It felt like a searing pain of comfort. It had been so long since I had received comfort that the feel it shocked my system. All I wanted to do was crawl out of my skin and run away.

I took a drink off the bottle, once more then a deep breath before I began my story.

"When I was eleven years old, my mom was pregnant with twin girls." I started to speak and suddenly I was unable to stop myself from talking about it to someone, finally.

"I didn't want her to have any more babies, I mean I didn't like having to share anything, especially my parents. I had always been good at getting and keeping their attention." I spoke the words and finally managed to look up at her face.

Caterpillar's eyes were bright, shining in the moonlight and I had her full attention. It felt strangely odd to have someone's true attention focused solely on me, for the simple fact they wanted to hear what I had to say.

"Go on," she whispered.

"I loved Alice, I adored her actually, but she was a pesky little shit, always poking at me. She knew exactly how to push my buttons, and still does." I ran a hand over my face, picked up the vodka bottle and took another gulp.

"I had gotten into some trouble at school, so my mom had to come and get me. She went ahead and picked up Alice from school too, since it was almost the end of the day. We were going to PA, since I had to go see another doctor because of my 'bad behavior' as they'd taken to calling it." I sighed and closed my eyes, visions of those last few minutes flashing through my mind.

"Alice kept picking at me in the backseat, so I took off my seat belt and started to climb over the front seat to sit next to my mom. But as I was climbing, I hit my mom in the head with my boot and she hit her head on the window, jerking the car, which caused us to go off the road and into a ravine.

The ravine was deep and had broken trees, the car flipped and rolled a total of four times. It eventually crashed head first into a tree." My mouth was dry, and my palms felt clammy just thinking about that day, about that moment, about how in that instant, my life changed forever.

"My mom was out cold, Alice was crying and pinned between the seats, so I had to get out and crawl up the bank to find help. By the time I got someone to stop, we'd been there for almost an hour, they think."

I heard a sniffle and looked up to see tears on Caterpillar's cheeks. I reached up slowly and gently used my fingers to wipe away her tears.

What I hadn't been expecting was for her to reach up and clasp my wrist, holding my palm to her cheek. The heat from her skin on mine once again felt like it was scorching me. I didn't know if I should jerk my hand away or leave it there.

We stared at each other for a few minutes, nothing but the noises of the woods surrounding us, enveloping us in the screaming silence.

"Edward, why did you have 'bad behavior'?" Caterpillar's voice was soft and calm as she spoke.

"Bella," I spoke, almost in a warning.

"No, Edward, I'm here, I'm your friend," she hesitated and then released my wrist that held my hand to her cheek. Her own hand moved to cup my jaw.

"I care."

"Caterpillar, I'm bipolar." She gasped as I felt my own traitorous tear fall from my eye.

**A/N: So, a few of you had this figured out…but is it all what it seems?**

**What do you think about what he told Bella? Do you think this will help her understand him a little better?**

**I'm fortunate enough to have 2 stories up for Fic of the Month, if you wouldn't mind voting for either, Angrily Ever After or Uncertain….or any of my friends that are up against me: Chloe Masen, Planetblue and so many more!**

**Teaser for ch21 will be up in my group on FB tomorrow. Come join us.**

**See ya Friday,**

**Kyla**


	21. Chapter 21

AWoC ch21

**A/n: I had a feeling not to many of you would be surprised by the revelations from last chapter. But, I'm glad that it helped a few things click for some of you.**

**SIDENOTE: I am not bi-polar but I have plenty of experience with persons that are. My ex-husband was and I have an abundance of people in my personal and professional life that are. So, it's naturally something that I've dealt with on a very personal level. For anyone that feels that I've portrayed it inaccurately, I'm stating that I HAVE done medical research, I have used personal experiences and I have consulted with a Psychologist for my accuracy in portraying this particular character. **

**AND, please don't forget that ALL is not always what it seems.**

**Thanks and love to my team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**Now…off to read….**

BPOV

I couldn't believe what he'd just said. It completely terrified me because, to be honest, I didn't really know what exactly that meant.

"Are you going to die?" I asked, finally able to catch my breath and speak.

He gave me this tiny little smirk of a smile and wiped his tears with his hands. He'd pulled away from me and reached for something in his bag. I saw him pull out a pack of cigarettes with a lighter and offered me one. I grabbed one and waited for him to light it.

"We're all going to die, Caterpillar," he said sarcastically. And, just like that, our moment had ended and we'd entered a new mood.

I wanted that moment back. He was soft, broken and completely real with me. But, his demeanor had changed and the cocky asshole was back in place.

I steeled myself for the repercussions of what had just happened between us. He'd opened up and trusted me. He'd get mad at me because of that, if the past was an example I could rely on.

We sat there, in the dark, the moon shining around us and I thought about the story he'd just told me. The accident sounded horrendous and I couldn't believe they all actually survived.

"What happened to the babies?" I finally asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

He glared at me and took a long drag off his cigarette.

"They died," he spoke through gritted teeth, looking away from me.

I couldn't help the whimper that came from my mouth and the tears that welled up in my eyes.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry," I said through my tears.

"Don't be sorry for me, it was my mother that never recovered. She died that day and hasn't stopped hating me since it happened." He still wouldn't look at me while he spoke.

"What?" I rasped out.

"Caterpillar, don't you get it? All of it was my fucking fault," his raised voice and his eyes burning into me all of the sudden startled me and I dropped my lit cigarette.

His foot came down and stomped it out quickly.

"Don't," he paused and looked down at his feet. "Don't give me your pity."

How could I not, I thought to myself.

"It was an accident," I spoke, hoping I could help him understand he truly wasn't to blame.

"Yes, it was an accident, but one I caused. My entire family blames me for it." He spoke and my heart broke for him.

I thought for a minute, something wasn't adding up for me.

"What does you being bipolar have to do with the accident?" I wiped my tears and tried to make him look up at me.

He scoffed, "Everything."

"I don't understand, I don't know anything about bipolar disorder, Edward. You'll have to help me out." I felt stupid admitting that to him.

His shoulders sagged and I saw another tear roll down his face.

I reached up to wipe it away, but he caught my hand, "It burns when you touch me."

I was stunned, once again.

"I burn you?" I questioned, unsure. I mean I felt a tingle when we touched but I just thought that was because of the attraction between us.

He grimaced.

"Maybe burn isn't the right word. It's just the warmth from your skin. I'm not used to it." His confession gave me an ounce of hope and I let out a little breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"You don't like warmth?" I thought I might push him a little see what I could get out of him.

"I'm not used to it. Caterpillar, I'm not exactly a bundle of loving kindness if you hadn't noticed. I don't allow anyone to touch me." Again, his words ripped through my splintering heart.

"I touch you," I stated.

Our eyes locked.

"I like touching you," I tried again.

His voice was so low, it wasn't even a whisper when he replied, "I like your touch."

I pushed his knees down and pulled his legs out in front of him before I crawled over and straddled him, resting my ass on his thighs.

"Look at me, Edward." I said and tried to bring his chin up.

He finally stopped struggling and looked up at me, his green eyes shone back at my brown ones filled with infinite sadness.

"Let me show you warmth," I said and leaned into him, placing my lips against his.

I slid my hands up his chest and worked to deepen the kiss. He moaned a little but then it turned into a whimper as his lips relaxed against mine.

It only took a few seconds before he had his arms wrapped completely around me, clinging to me as if he were afraid I'd disappear.

I wrapped mine around his neck and held him to me while we kissed harder, faster, out of control.

It was one of those moments that felt like there wasn't enough air to sustain us as our lungs fought to replenish our supply of oxygen.

"Bella," he whimpered against my neck as we broke apart panting and then he buried his face into the crook.

I held the back of his head with one hand and rubbed soothing circles on his back with the other.

"Shhh, shhh, I've got you. Baby, I've got you." I said in his ear as he broke down, sobbing loud and hard against me.

I knew he'd been hurt, abandoned, left broken and bruised by the people in his life that should have embraced him and loved him beyond measure.

How the fuck could he think, after all this time, any of this was his fault?

Hadn't they got him help? Didn't he see a doctor for his illness? Wasn't someone watching out for him?

I was angry at his mother and father. How could they have just let him drift through life feeling this deep-seated pain? Didn't they care? Didn't they love their son?

His grip on me tightened and then he kissed my neck, his tongue coming out to lick the skin and I fought a shiver.

All of the sudden, Edward was like a man on fire. His hands were everywhere, while his tongue and lips explored every ounce of my skin they could reach.

Fuck, it felt good.

I was on fire for him too. Scorching actually.

But, I knew this wouldn't solve anything and as much as I hated it, I pulled away.

"Edward, stop," I said, panting as he growled and tried to pull me back towards him.

"Edward," I said, and stretched my arms out in full length to try and make him stop.

"Why?" He scoffed and glared at me.

I sighed and scooted closer to him again, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"You and I both know now isn't the right time for that." I said, sadly.

"Now is exactly the right time, Caterpillar," he retorted, almost angrily.

I sighed again, biting my lip and watching him as he watched me. He finally slumped a little, his hands resting on my lower back, just above my ass.

"Edward, help me understand. I want to know why you are the way you are. I have a little experience with things like this, I think." I suddenly regretted that because it meant I was going to have to tell him about Renee.

"I'm going to break you, Caterpillar. I made you promise you wouldn't let me break you." His voice was sad and tired.

"Cullen, I'm already broken," I confessed and felt his grip tighten on me.

**A/N: Sorry for the cliffy … but it was necessary.**

**Love to hear your thoughts…**

**Til Monday,**

**Kyla**


	22. Chapter 22

AWoC ch22

**A/N: So as to not keep MissJude waiting any longer…here it is.**

**Enjoy.**

EPOV

"Broken?" I questioned her, "How are you broken already, CP?"

I had to admit I was eager to know more about her life, as she seemed lonely most of the time. But she never tried to make any friends, so I was naturally curious.

"Edward, there's a lot about me you don't know. I've never told anyone. I mean, Charlie knows a little, but that's it." She shrugged and I pulled her chin up to make her eyes meet mine.

"You listened to me, Caterpillar. Let me listen to you now," I heard myself and couldn't believe what I'd just said.

Her eyes welled up with tears and I slowly brought my hands up to cup her face before I softly laid my lips to hers.

The 'burn' between us was still there with contact, but I'd begun to think of it like a warmth; something comforting and soothing, instead of scorching and harsh. I kind of liked how it felt.

"I'm listening," I whispered as our lips broke and I rested my forehead against hers.

"I don't even know where to start, Edward," she sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"That's gross," I remarked with a laugh. She shot me a glare and then gave me a little giggle.

"Yeah, well, do you have a Kleenex?" She said, teasingly.

"Nope, fresh out," I shrugged and moved her hair behind her shoulders. God, she was truly beautiful in the moonlight. I wonder what she would look like spread out on the blanket nude under this same moon.

"Edward?" Bella's voice pulled me out of that fantasy real quick.

"I need a drink real quick," I gulped and tried to force my boner to go away but I was so focused on her sitting on my lap, nothing was working.

I grabbed the bottle, took a big swig and held the bottle to her lips as she did the same.

"My mom is an alcoholic," she said quietly, once the lid was screwed back on the jug. I slowly sat the bottle down beside me as her eyes watched the alcohol sit there.

I didn't know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut and waited for her to continue.

"She left my dad when I was little. She just packed up the car one day, loaded me in it and drove us to Phoenix. I didn't understand why my dad didn't go with us." She stopped and reached into my bag for my pack of smokes.

"You don't have any weed?" She questioned me before she pulled a cig out of the pack.

"Um, no, I wasn't able to get any because I was on a rescue mission," I said, trying to lighten the mood again. I didn't know if I could truly handle all of this heavy. I was only used to dealing with my own shit. There wasn't anyone else I cared to listen to, so I didn't know what the fuck I was doing at the moment.

"Oh," she said, almost like she was guilty of something.

"Bella, it's okay, I'm just teasing you. I'll just get some from someone else, no biggie." I was actually lying through my teeth, as I didn't have another connection. But, I'd have to figure something out, I guess.

"Well, anyway, my mother drank and began to buy stuff from the home shopping channels. She'd order shit then go to the flea markets and sell it for cash so she could keep shopping." Wow, her mom sounds as messed up as my own mom.

"We were lucky if we had rent money, grocery money or enough to pay the monthly bills. Well, that was until Charlie came to visit and we had no electricity. He went and had all the utilities changed into his name and started paying all our bills, too. He also set me up a post office box to send me money for groceries, clothes and stuff." Her voice was timid and embarrassed.

"But, he left you there with her?" I was curious why Charlie didn't just bring her back to Forks.

"Well, I am pretty stubborn. I couldn't leave her on her own." Her little chin stuck out defiantly and I fought not to laugh. She tried to act all tough but I didn't see her that way at all.

"But why didn't you want to come live with Charlie, you wouldn't have had to worry about all this shit. I mean, you were a little girl, Caterpillar." It was weird that I felt sad that she grew up alone.

"Charlie worked all the time and Renee needed me, Edward. She would have drunk herself to death in no time if I hadn't been there to hide her booze or monitor her blackouts." She looked down at her lap and I suddenly realized how grown up Bella seemed even though she reminded me of a little girl.

"Did you ever get to go out and have fun?" I questioned and pulled her chin up to look at me again.

"I had a couple of friends. Every now and then, we'd sneak a couple of beers, buy a bag of weed and ride out to the desert," she gave me a little half smile as she spoke about her friends.

We were silent for a few moments, my fingers fiddled with the tips of her fingers as I held her hands in mine.

"My mom hit me sometimes. When I would take her liquor and hide it. But it wasn't all the time," Caterpillar whispered that last sentence.

I pulled my hands back and fisted them on her thighs. It made me angry to think someone could hurt her. She was so tiny, like Alice, but somehow seemed way more fragile than she let on.

I clenched my jaw and raised my hands to hit the ground but when I did, I felt and saw Caterpillar flinch back from me.

A whimper escaped her lips and I instantly felt something more than anger rise up inside of me.

It felt like … I don't know, regret maybe. I wasn't sure, but I had caused her to react and that made me feel sorry for doing it.

"Most of the time, she just made me feel invisible," she whispered to me again.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her tight against me and whispered in her ear, "I see you."

She gasped.

Then buried her head into the crook of my neck and I felt the wetness from her tears on my skin.

"Did Charlie know about her hitting you?" I asked and felt her shake her head against my shoulder.

She sobbed quietly and I gripped her tighter, if possible, against me. I just let her cry, because I really didn't know what to say or do.

"Aren't we a pair?" I said as she seemed to relax a little in my arms. I tried to hide my nervousness and I think it worked, because I felt her smile against my neck, "I'd say," she replied, her voice hoarse from crying.

Bella sat up and we just stared at one another for a few seconds.

"What happens now?" She tensed a little as she spoke and I felt myself do the same.

I blew out a long, hot breath, "I don't know, CP. I really don't know." It was as honest an answer as I could give her.

"I've never had a boyfriend." She confessed and I knew she was blushing.

"Did I ask to be your boyfriend?" I was curious, had I done something to make her think I was? Did I want to be her boyfriend?

"Oh, well, I just," she mumbled and tried to move off my lap.

I quickly pulled her back toward me.

"Stop, Caterpillar, just stop," she looked up at me with those sad, brown eyes and I felt something warm as I looked into them.

"I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I don't want to drag you into my fucked up life. And, I know I'll fucking ruin yours." I felt a knot in my stomach as I spoke and I didn't like it.

"Well, if it helps you out any, I've never been a girlfriend, either," her hands snuck their way around my neck as her fingers started to run through the hair there.

"How about we don't label anything and just be us, Edward and Caterpillar?" I asked and hoped she went for it.

She glared at me.

"I'm not a slimy bug, CULLEN," her voice enunciating every letter of my last name.

I growled at her.

"No, you aren't a slimy bug, you are my Caterpillar," I smirked at her.

"What the fuck does that even mean, Edward?" She cocked her head and watched me, her eyes narrowed.

"You'll figure it out someday, when hopefully you are away from here and I haven't destroyed you," I replied.

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Fine, we'll just be us then." Caterpillar said with a pout and I couldn't help but bark out a laugh.

"Come on, I have to get you home before the damn Chief of Police sends a SWAT team out to rescue you," I said hesitantly.

"Wait," she said, and immediately crashed her lips to mine. I was stunned at first, but then realized it felt too damn good to fight it.

It was the best first kiss as 'us' I'd ever had.

**A/N: They sometimes remind of me very young teenagers… I mean, I know they aren't 'that' old at 16/17 but they are emotionally still around 10 & 11, I would think…but physically they are 16/17. However, mentally I would think them both so much older than they SHOULD be… *sighs* I'm so in love with these 2 kids. You have no idea. **

**They constantly banter in my head, it's annoying when I'm trying to drive, LOL.**

**I need to thank my team: AJFM, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. I love ya'll.**

**RECS:**

**Fix You by Chocaholic123 – OMG I am SOOOO in love with this fic you have no idea! Edward and Bella need to figure it all out…SOOO GOOD!**

**Adagio by Sparrownotes24 - *sighs* BEST snowy outside kiss ever!**

**See ya'll Friday.**

**Kyla**


	23. Chapter 23

AWoC Ch23

**A/n: I hope that you all had a great Heart Day. **

**Thanks to my team: AJFM, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom….ya'll are the caramel to my chocolate!**

**Congrats to NeeNee246 for being my 1000****th**** reviewer! THANK YOU to all of YOU my lovely readers;)**

**Enjoy…**

BPOV

I crawled into bed, still in shock, after Edward had finally convinced me to go into the house. But he'd promised to call me as soon as he got home.

I couldn't believe all that had happened in a few short hours. I went from wanting to gouge his eyes out to being his 'unlabeled' girlfriend.

My mind was swirling with all he'd told me, all I'd told him, the emotions we'd both let loose.

Then I remembered about Riley and what had almost happened there. I had really gotten in over my head with that situation. Thank goodness Edward showed up when he did.

I put my phone on the charger and turned it back on only to have it blow up with texts and voicemails, all from Riley.

He was pissed, that much I could tell.

But it was the last one that scared the shit out of me and made me wish I had made Edward come inside with me.

_I know where you live, Bella. You haven't seen the last of me - Riley_

Fuck, how would I explain that shit to Charlie if he were to show up here? And, if I told Edward about it, he'd want to go start shit with Riley. I couldn't let that happen. I had to figure out a way to defuse the situation, ASAP.

I didn't know whether or not I should text him back or what. I was starting to get worried as Charlie was working overnight. I was here all alone and suddenly couldn't wait until I could hear Edward's voice on the phone.  
I grabbed the soda I'd brought to my room with me, popped the top and took a big gulp just as my phone lit up with Edward's name. I felt relieved he hadn't forgotten about me.

"Hi," I said a little too eager as I answered the phone.

"Hey stranger," his tired voice came through the device.

"All comfy in bed?" my voice squeaked as I tried to sound casual in my conversation. Meanwhile, I was suddenly aware of all the little noises this old, creaky house made.

"Well, I'd be much more comfortable with a naked body lying next to mine, but since no one offered, my cold empty bed will have to do," he replied in that cocky manner of his.

I felt the butterflies in my stomach at what he'd just said. I felt like a giddy teenage girl. Me, Bella Swan, the sensible, rational, 'don't fall in love' loner chick … acting girly and stupid over something a boy said.

"Oh yeah? What happened? She turned you down?" I let my own sarcasm fly. Two could play his game and I didn't want him to know how stupidly hormonal I was feeling.

He chuckled, "Not exactly. Besides, I never get turned down. I'm Edward fucking Cullen, or don't you remember that?"

That shit pissed me off.

"Get over yourself, Cullen. You aren't all that." That should tide him over for a few minutes.

"I don't need this shit from you, Caterpillar. I could just go to sleep," he yawned and I felt the sense of dread wash over me.

"No, I wanna talk," I said, backtracking my anger.

"Okay, then talk, CP, I ain't getting any younger," he sighed, and I heard him flick a lighter. I should have swiped a couple of smokes from him now that I think about it.

"Did you really let that little girl suck your dick in the closet at school?" I blurted out, unable to stop my mouth from speaking what my head was asking.

He sputtered a bit, "What?"

"You heard me. At school that day, when you came out of the janitor's closet with that crying little girl. Did. She. Suck. Your. Dick?" He knew exactly what I wanted to know and I was going to make him answer me.

"Why do you care, CP?" I heard him moving around and I knew he was running a hand through that fucking messed up head of hair.

"Because I do," I answered, my chin jutting out, even though he couldn't see me.

"Why, you wanna suck my dick?" He tried to tease me and deflect the question again. It didn't work.

"Not if it's been in her mouth, Cullen," that should piss him off, I thought.

He sighed and there was nothing but the sound of my breath and him smoking a cigarette over the phone line.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, that 'little' girl didn't suck my dick," he finally relented.

I grinned and let a breath out I didn't realize I was holding.

"Good," I simply said.

"Did you kiss Riley?" He questioned, and I knew that it was my turn to be in the hot seat.

"Ewww, no," I readily replied.

"Would you have let him kiss you?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe, but I doubt it. He made me feel creepy," I spoke very soft and low.

"Bella, Riley Biers is NOT a nice guy. I still don't understand why you were there with him in the first place." Edward's voice was harsh and I knew he was serious about Riley.

I sighed.

"I was mad at you. You'd hurt my feelings with that little closet stunt so when he asked, I said yes. Plus, you hadn't been at school all week. Where were YOU by the way?" I questioned him and tried to direct the focus back to him, once again.

"Why were you mad at me? Where I was doesn't matter, but it was nowhere important. How did you meet him? Why were you at his house?" I could hear the anxiety rising in his voice.

"It is important where you were, you weren't at school, you didn't call me, I had no idea if you were in jail, sick or dead. You can't do that shit to me, Edward." I didn't want to cry, but I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

He sighed heavily.

"I was at home, in bed, alone, all week long."

"Seriously?" I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I didn't want him to hear me crying.

"Yep, Caterpillar, it happens sometimes. I just need to shut down, tune out, go under the covers for a bit." He sounded sad and lonely as he spoke.

"Doesn't your family try to help you? I mean, your parents just let you lay in bed for a week? What about school and shit?" I hated the thought of him being there, in his bed, alone with no one caring that he was hurting.

"CP, they don't give a shit. I think they enjoy it, actually, because then they don't even have to see my face." I wanted to scream and yell at his mom for letting him think and feel as if no one cared.

"I missed your face," I said, my voice soft and shaky as I held in my tears.

"Oh CP, don't, just …." he sighed, and I knew he was about to shut down on me again, I could just feel it.

"Stop, Edward," my own voice barked at him, harsher than I meant to, "You need to know that I missed you. You need to know that I cared you weren't around. You need to know someone in this world worried about you. I will always care."

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and rubbed my snotty nose on my sleeve again. I held in a laugh as I knew he'd make fun of me again for doing that.

"Thank you, CP. For what it's worth, I kinda appreciate hearing that from you," his voice sounded strange and I wondered if he was as okay as he tried to sound.

"You should get some sleep, Caterpillar, it's almost three in the morning," he yawned again.

"Could you fall asleep with me on the phone?" I felt silly asking, but I still felt a little uncomfortable about being home alone. I knew Charlie would be home around five but still, that was hours away.

"Sure, I guess," his voice scratchy and I could hear the exhaustion he was feeling.

"Let me get comfy," I squirmed around, situated the phone under my ear and laid there listening to him mumble to me until my eyes closed.

I dreamt of us in the meadow, all night long.

**A/n: *sighs* These two….yin/yang….push/pull….I hope ya'll love it as much as I do;)**

**See ya on Monday!**

**Kyla**


	24. Chapter 24

AWoC ch24

**A/N: Absolutely one of my favorite EPOV chapters;)**

**Thank you and buckets of love to my dearest A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. **

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

After I got off the phone with Caterpillar, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. My mind was a whirl of thoughts and feelings, something that hadn't happened to me in a long damn time.

Tonight had not gone at all like I had planned. I was going to get some booze, some weed and then head to my spot to get shit-faced.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined myself rescuing CP, taking _her_ to my spot or coming close to making her my girlfriend.

I pulled a cig out of the box and lit it. I can't believe I let her in that much. I can't have a girlfriend. I can't let her fall in love with me, if she even could. I'm worthless to anyone else, because I'm worthless to myself.

Sure, I had plans to make something of myself someday. But that was years from now, after I'd left this dreary little town, left my shattered family behind and worked my ass off through college to become something. What, I didn't know yet, but anything was better than the option of staying here; invisible, unwanted and alone.

Now, there's CP to throw in the mix. What the hell was I doing? I wouldn't be good to her or for her. I've proved that just by the life I've lived already. I mean, my own family knew I was no good.

I sighed, took a drag off my smoke and sat up in bed. I liked being around Caterpillar. She made me ... feel. I liked her snarky attitude, most of the time. But it was her eyes I liked the most. They were warm and reminded me of something soft and comforting. She didn't serve me up pity or sympathy.

She was almost ... what's the word? Empathetic.

And to know she had her own baggage scared the ever loving shit out of me. I didn't deal well with my own issues and I sure as fuck didn't know how to handle someone else's. Especially when I knew someone had hurt her in the past. She was tiny and fragile in some ways, and to know her mother had laid her hands on her. Well, it made me see red.

Then there was fucking Riley.

What the fuck did I mean getting involved in that mess? He'd have me beaten, shot or left for dead on the side of the road and no one would even notice I was missing.

Hopefully, he didn't realize my part in the 'rescue' mission earlier, because if he did, then I was totally fucked with no way out. I needed to tell CP that for now, we had to keep shit on the down low. I know that will irritate her, I think, maybe. But she'll have to realize I mean business where this prick is concerned. He can't find out about our connection or he won't serve me up anymore. I can't go stone cold sober. I just can't.

I'm an asshole on a good day, but me sober on only my meds, that's just too fucked up for the whole damn world to deal with.

Speaking of which, I haven't taken any meds in a few days. I should probably make sure to get back on track with them if for nothing else, so I'm not as mean to Caterpillar as I can be. She doesn't deserve the full force of my wrath.

I turned on my side, exhausted and feeling like my skin was going to peel off my body from the anxiety I was experiencing.

It had occurred to me I kind of liked the thought of having Caterpillar as my girlfriend. I mean, she was a hot piece of ass and I can only imagine how fuck hot she looked naked. And, with that thought, my dick decided to join the action.

"Fuck," I moaned out loud. I hated having to jack off. But the thought of having to stroke one out thinking about CP wasn't as annoying as the act normally feels to me.

I got up, put out my smoke and walked over to stand in front of my wall of windows. I had the French doors on my balcony opened and the breeze was slightly cool. I slid my boxers down, leaving my dick to flop against my stomach with a thud and I groaned. I was so hard and I really wished Caterpillar was here at this moment.

It had been a long while since I'd had any physical touch from a female and I suddenly craved it to be Caterpillar that touched me.

I swiped my thumb over the head of my dick, gathering some wetness and slowly started to stroke my shaft. My wrist flicked in a gentle gliding motion as I pictured CP's soft eyes and pouty lips in my mind.

What would it feel like to see her mouth wrapped around me?

I moaned at the picture of her on her knees, hands on my thighs as I held her head while my hips thrust my cock deeper down her throat.

I could feel my balls tighten and I knew I was close, so I increased my speed and ran the tip of my thumb around my swollen head.

Damn, that felt good.

I imagined her moan as I pushed deep, stilled and felt the hot spurts stream down her tongue. It helped me fall over the edge as my release shot out of me in four quick and seemingly unending, long, creamy strands of cum.

I wondered if I could get her to suck me off later and that thought almost made me hard again.

Shit.

I had to keep it together. If I had her sucking my dick so soon, she might start to become clingy like those other chicks at school. I wasn't sure I was ready for that with Caterpillar.

But apparently my dick was, as I was already semi-hard again.

I held my dick in my slimy covered hand as I made my way to the bathroom and turned on my shower with my one clean hand.

I climbed in once the water was warm and washed off.

I wondered if CP was up yet. I told her I'd call her when I got up. I had to get the fuck out of this house today. I seriously needed to go see Riley sometime soon. I was completely out of booze. My dad kept his under lock and key so that wasn't an option.

I'd call him once I got dressed and see when he could meet me at the warehouse.

Just as I got out of the shower and started to towel off, I heard my phone ring. I moved to get it, seeing Caterpillar's face on the screen from a picture I'd taken of her she didn't know about.

"Miss me already?" I quipped as I answered the phone.

"Something like that," she replied with a laugh.

"What's up?" I asked and adjusted my towel, my dick was apparently now responding to her voice since he'd decided to wake up from his long slumber of non-existent use.

"I need to go to Portland, to a bookstore and wondered if you'd like to go with me," her voice sounded off as she spoke.

"Oh. Well, I have some business in PA to tend to first. Could you wait until this afternoon?" I knew if I didn't get some alcohol soon, I'd be worthless today.

"Um, sure, I guess," I could hear her disappointment so I had to think quick.

"How about we go late afternoon to Portland, then we can grab something to eat and maybe go to a movie." I hoped my suggestion would help ease her earlier disappointment.

"You mean, like a date?" Caterpillar sounded kind of girly with that snarky reply.

"Fuck, no. Just me and you, going out." Fuck, even that didn't make sense to me.

I had just asked Caterpillar out on a date, without even realizing it.

I was truly fucked.

**A/N: He is definitely all over the place in his thoughts…hmmm, wonder how that date will go, huh? Cuz, let's face it, it's a date whether or not he wants to call it that, right?**

**See ya on Friday;)**

**Kyla**


	25. Chapter 25

AWoC ch25

**A/N: All of you seem to be on the same page as me, it really was a 'date' that Chaosward planned;)**

**TO THE GUEST REVIEWER: I don't know what story you were reading but there is NO RAPE in this fic. And, for your information his illness is written the way that it is FOR A REASON! And, I have the guidance of a Psychologist in my writing of said illness/plot for this story. I've done A LOT of research in this area. So, step the fuck off. You obviously don't like me, my writing or my characters so stop fucking reading it. **

**To my amazing team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. Ya'll are my heart and soul, thank you all for loving Chaosward as much as I do. **

**Now…let's check in on Bella.**

BPOV

After I got off the phone with Edward, I knew somehow I was going to have to deal with the Riley situation, and soon.

He had finally stopped calling me and texting me, but I knew he wouldn't quit for good.

I debated on whether or not I should just bite the bullet and call him, or if I should just leave it alone. I got my clothes together and decided to take a shower, have some breakfast and then I'd decide what to do.

I smiled as I stood under the hot water with my eyes closed. I had a non-date date with Edward later today. I'd never really been on a date, so I was a little giddy and it kind of freaked me out. I wasn't used to feeling this way, nor had I ever been around a guy that made me feel like he did.

As the hot water caressed my achy neck and shoulders, I imagined what it would feel like to have him naked, pushed against me in the shower. Having his long, lean body touching mine without the nuisance of clothes or the restraint of emotions.

I envisioned his long fingers as they touched my skin and his large hands as they palmed my boobs before slowly sliding flat against my stomach then reaching my bare pussy.

I let my fingers explore my flesh below as I daydreamed of him giving me soft flicks and gentle probes as he pushed his digits inside of my swollen flesh.

Pumping slowly, I let my mind hear his soft moans as I whimpered at the feel of being touched and fingered. His voice in my ear growling about how I was 'his' and how he wanted to claim me with his body.

In my mind, I could feel the hardness of his length against my thigh and I wanted to know what it felt like to have him inside of me.

"Yes," I mewled as his finger hit the spot that pushed me higher and higher.

I came hard against my own hand, my breathing coming out labored and in hard pants, but as my eyes opened, I instantly wished I wasn't alone.

I wished my visions could be a reality and that kind of scared me, as I'd never been a sexual person before.

I quickly finished my shower, got out and dried off then pulled on my clothes. I wondered if I should 'spruce up' my look for tonight as I stared at myself in the mirror.

"No, stop being silly, Bella. This is just Edward." I said to my reflection.

As I started down the stairs, I heard Charlie rummaging around in the kitchen.

"Want me to fix you some breakfast before you crash?" I startled him, as he bumped his head on the fridge where he was bent over, mumbling to himself about eating cold leftovers.

"Oh hey, Bells, I didn't hear you come downstairs." He shot up and rubbed his head. "But, sure, yeah, that'd be great. Just some eggs and toast will work." Charlie grabbed his coffee mug and leaned up against the counter while I began to pull out the stuff to make something for us to eat.

As I stood at the stove making our eggs, Charlie looked over the newspaper and the silence roared around us. Neither of us was good with the small talk, especially with one another.

"You know next weekend is family visitation day, if you want to go see Renee," Charlie's nerves spoke for him, as I shook my head, my back still towards him.

"I don't want to go, but you can if you want to," I turned around to get a plate off the table to scoop the eggs onto, as I briefly made eye contact with my dad.

"Bella, you can't avoid her forever. I mean, she is your mother," I could hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke those words.

"I'm not avoiding her, Dad. I simply have the choice not to see her, I choose not to." I sounded defensive and watched him tense up a little. I sighed and sat down, "Is that not okay with you?"

"No, Bella, you're right. You do have a choice, if you don't want to go, that's fine. But," he hesitated and I knew another one of his famous lectures was coming my way, "I don't like you being alone all the time. I mean, aren't there any kids you like at school?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and brought my knees up onto my chair.

"Dad," I held a warning in my tone, "we've talked about this. I don't like being around a lot of people. Besides, I do have a friend."

He grumped and then it was his turn to narrow his eyes at me.

"Who is it? I'm sure I know her parents," he questioned as he dug into his food and I got up to grab the coffee to refill both of our mugs.

While my back was still to him, I mumbled, "Edward Cullen."

"Bells," Charlie's voice tried to sound menacing, but I swung around, refilled both of our mugs then set the decanter back on the coffee maker.

I sighed and sat down, "I don't want to hear it, Charlie. He's a good kid and he's my friend."

"He's a troublemaker," he tried to start what I'm sure was to be a long-winded speech about how 'bad' Edward was, but I was having no part of it.

"Before you start Charlie, I think you need to understand there is more to Edward than I think even you realize. So, save your breath, because I don't want to hear it."

I spooned a mouthful of eggs, swallowed them down and began a stare down with my father.

He ran a gamut of emotions as he just looked at me; soft eyes, hard eyes, angry eyes, then defeat settled in brown eyes that matched mine.

"Just be careful, Bells. You've been through enough. Besides, I know you and once you've made your mind up, there ain't no stopping you." He took a drink of coffee then his quiet voice made tears come to my eyes, "Just remember you can't save everyone without getting hurt."

I got up and went to hug him, "Oh Dad," was all I could muster and keep the tears at bay.

As I cleaned up the kitchen a little bit later, I thought about what Charlie had said. Was I trying to save Edward? Or had he saved me?

I had just wanted Edward to know someone saw him so where did all of _that_ turn into what it was now?

And how had it all suddenly become so complicated?

**A/N: So, I know that ya'll are ready for the date, we'll get there, I promise.**

**I updated a day early because I have an actual date myself on a Friday night! I'm thinking of changing posting days to Tues/Thurs, if ya'll would like that better. Let me know.**

**Also, if I could ask for you to go and vote for me or any of the other talented writers for completed fics for January 2013. You can vote once a day until the 28****th****, please!**

** .com**

**REC :**

**One of my new writer friends has a great story going called Under My Skin by Rvrsong story id 8810632. It's a great fic and she needs support as a newer writer!**

**My friend, Miss Jude, also is a new writer and has a fic titled Under My Skin which needs some love, too. **

**Go and support the new writers, they are the future of ff;)**

**If you need to laugh your ass off give my twifey, Twistar Junkie a lookie…her  
Tutus, Teeth and a bag of Fairy Dust story id 8918867 – it's freaking hilarious!**

**See ya on Monday, unless ya'll prefer the day changes.**

**Kyla**


	26. Chapter 26

AWoC ch26

**A/n: See you at the bottom…**

EPOV

Riley wouldn't answer his fucking phone or return my text and I was pissed. I needed to get hooked up ... like now. And, I had no other option as he'd run two other bootleggers out of town a while back.

The only one here in town would rat me out to Emmett or just not sell to me, so the only other option was to go to the Rez. I was definitely not welcomed there, so I went ahead and drove to Port Angeles in the hopes I could find Riley at the warehouse.

I had texted Caterpillar I would pick her up around four-thirty, as it was now almost two, I had to get a move on.

A short time later, I pulled up in front of the old warehouse and parked my car. As usual, there were no other cars around, but something felt eerie or off. I slipped my pocket knife into my pocket as I grabbed a smoke and got out of the car. I lit the cig before I knocked on the door, in the usual manner.

It took almost ten fucking minutes for someone to answer it and when it did open, the anger in Riley's eyes was immediately evident.

"Get the fuck in here or get the fuck away," he barked, before he turned to walk down the corridor.

"Fuck," I mumbled and closed the door behind me.

He stomped down the hall, his shoulders tense and his hands clenched in fists as I followed him.

We got to his office and I watched him pull out two gallons of my usual vodka and a baggie of weed. He laid them on the desk, sat in his chair and held out his hand.

"Actually, I was needing a double order, if that's okay," I said, suddenly nervous and feeling a bead of sweat form on my brow.

His eyes narrowed at me, the rage just under the surface as he finally nodded and got up to retrieve the extra items.

"You're lucky I didn't blow your fucking head off for knocking on my door unannounced," he barked at me, as I slipped the cash from my pocket and counted it out for him on the desk.

"Sorry, I tried to call. I wouldn't have just shown up, but I was dry," I said, trying to let some of my own anger come through.

"Don't fucking do it again or you'll be cut off," Riley glared at me and slid the money across the desktop and into the drawer.

"What's up your ass today?" I questioned, and instantly knew it was the wrong thing to do, when he flew the few feet between us. His face was an inch from mine and I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but some bitch fucked me over last night and now I have to deal with her ass," he spoke through gritted teeth.

"So ... sorry dude," I murmured as he remained bowed up in front of me.

"Yeah, well, she'll learn never to fuck with me again, won't she?" Riley's eyes were on fire as he finally stepped back and sat in his chair with a thud.

"Thanks for the stuff," I said, then wrapped my bottles up in a plastic sack on the desk and stuffed the weed in my pockets before I waited to be dismissed.

"Tyler," Riley shouted. I tensed and hoped Tyler didn't mention seeing me the night before when he saw me today.

"What?" He said as he walked into the room.

"Show Cullen out and lock up, we're hitting the road," Riley barked the order, and I wasted no time getting the fuck out of there.

I heard the door slam and lock behind me as I scrambled to get my shit stashed in my car in a hurry.

I had to get to Caterpillar before Riley did, because my gut told me that was exactly where he was headed.

Just as soon as I hit the highway, I called CP to alert her that she needed to be ready to jump into my car as soon as I pulled up in her driveway.

"Hi, Edward," her voice sounded too sunshiny as she answered the phone.

"You ready to go, Caterpillar?" I tried to sound casual. I didn't want to scare her but she needed to be prepared.

"I will be, but what's the hurry? You aren't supposed to be here for another hour and a half. That anxious to see me again, huh?" She was awfully chipper and it was kinda wigging me out at the moment.

"Um, change in plans, CP, I need you dressed and ready to go in less than thirty minutes. There's been a slight problem come up and we have to leave earlier." I tried to stress leaving quickly and I hoped she didn't question me too much.

"Wow, you are an eager one today, aren't you?" She laughed and I struggled with what to tell her.

"CP, I just left Riley's," as soon as I said his name, she gasped.

"He's pissed, isn't he?" her voice grew quieter and her mood changed instantly.

I hated that because she had been so excited when she answered the phone.

"Yes, and I have a bad feeling he's heading to your place. You can't be there when he arrives. So be ready to leave as soon as I pull up, you hear me?" I needed a fucking drink badly.

"But Charlie's here. He's not going to like me just running out of the house the minute you arrive, Edward. As lenient as he is, that won't fucking fly." Bella sounded pissed now and we didn't have time to argue, not with Riley possibly on the road minutes behind me.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Tell him you are going to the bookstore downtown, meet me there. We'll leave your car there and I'll take you back to it tonight." I tried to see how that wouldn't work but nothing came to me. I thought it sounded like a solid plan.

"No good, Edward, he knows I'm going to Portland with you. What makes you think Riley is heading to Forks? And specifically to my house?" I knew she wouldn't let this shit drop.

I sighed and grabbed a smoke, lit it and knew I had no choice.

"He told me, more or less, he had a bitch to set straight when I was at his place a little bit ago. He was furious about being ditched, still." I took a drag and listened to her but heard nothing but silence.

"Have you talked to him since last night? Texted him or anything?" I cringed at the thought of her having anything to do with him, but I couldn't stop her from it, right?

"No, nothing. I've ignored all of his calls and texts, Edward." I heard her hesitate and I knew there was more.

"What CP? Tell me, now," I gritted through my tense teeth.

"He um, he mentioned in a text last night he knew where I lived and he would find me." Caterpillar spoke in barely a whisper.

"FUCK!" I screamed and slammed my hand against the steering wheel.

"Get in your car, go to the bookstore and wait for me right fucking there. Do you hear me, CP?" I ordered her as I felt my rage grow.

"Yes, I hear you," she whimpered and I knew she was probably crying.

"Don't cry or Charlie will be suspicious. Just act like I broke our date and you are going to find some books to drown your sorrows in." That idea made me cringe, the thought of hurting her. But it was necessary in this situation.

"Go now, I'll be there in less than fifteen minutes." I said softly as Bella agreed and hung up the phone.

I had her safe for now but how would I be able to keep her safe from him after tonight?

I didn't know at the moment, but I knew I would have to figure it out before the night was over.

And, I would.

I would keep Caterpillar safe, no matter what the cost.

**A/n: So, Riley is back in the picture…and on his way.**

**Hmm, this could be bad, very bad. Let's hope Chaosward gets to her first!**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to an overwhelming amount of responsibility in my RL atm, I am going to have to start updating only once a week. It sucks, I know and I'm truly sorry. But, it's unavoidable. **

**I'm running out of pre-written chapters and I am blocked when trying to write. So, that on top of everything else is just added pressure. **

**I will update on Wednesday's going forward. Should I get over my writer's block and I go on a writing spree then we could go back to 2 updates a week. But, until that happens …**

**Much love to my team; A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**Leave me your thoughts?**

**Kyla**


	27. Chapter 27

AWoC ch27

**a/n: SM owns all. I own these two…or rather, they own me.**

**Thank you to my team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**See you at the bottom.**

BPOV

After I hung up the phone with Edward, I grabbed my purse, cell and keys before I squeezed out a few tears and stomped down the stairs.

"What's wrong with you," Charlie asked as he took in my slumped shoulders, red eyes and scowl.

"Date got cancelled," I mumbled and shuffled towards the door.

He grumped a noise before he frowned, "Where do you think you're going?"

I stood by the door, anxious to leave and shrugged.

"Gonna go to the bookstore, be back later," I sniffled for added effect as he nodded and waved me off.

I tried not to run to my car from the porch.

My heart was beating so fast I felt like it might explode as I drove the few blocks to the little secondhand bookstore. As I parked my car, I could see Edward's car speeding down the street towards me. It was the first time I let out the breath I'd been holding since I hung up the phone with him.

He pulled up to a stop beside me and waved me into the car.

"Are you okay?" He asked as his eyes inventoried my whole face then my body.

"I'm fine. Scared as shit, but otherwise okay." I answered as he pulled out of the parking space and took off down the highway to get us back out of town.

"Should we just go to the meadow?" I asked, not really feeling like dinner and a movie anymore.

"Is that what you want to do?" He questioned with a quirked brow.

I nodded and tried to smile.

"Our date can wait," I teased as he sighed and shook his head.

"I told you I don't date, CP." His voice sounded annoyed.

"But, you can change. Right? I can be the exception to that rule because I don't date either." I said and put my hand up to run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He shivered and shot me a sideways glance.

"I'm no good for you, Caterpillar. I wish you could understand that." His eyes closed for a split second and I swear I saw a flash of hurt or something.

I crossed my arms over my chest, huffed and thumped back into my seat.

"Whatever, Cullen," I enunciated his name on purpose.

He growled and we then sat in silence as he took the turn into a local burger place.

"We're gonna get hungry, we might as well get something to take with us." Edward finally spoke.

I just nodded and looked out the window.

He ordered us two cheeseburgers, fries and Cokes then took off back towards the road leading to the meadow.

"What is Riley going to do to Charlie?" I finally asked, because I hadn't even thought of it earlier.

Edward shrugged.

"I don't know, Caterpillar. Maybe nothing. But, I'm not sure." His voice was soft when he spoke.

He took a turn off and as it was still daylight out, I watched all the foliage I hadn't seen in the darkness the other night.

"Do you come here every day?" I asked, suddenly sick of the silence.

"I try to," he hummed.

"Okay," I felt shy, and like all the progress we'd made was gone.

He pulled through a grouping of trees, moving the car into a burrow he seemed to be familiar with and parked the car.

"Um, can you help carry the blankets?" His question made me nervous.

"Sure, I guess," I replied and made to get out of the car, but he grabbed my arm and held me in my seat.

"Look, CP, I like you … a lot. But," he sighed and paused, his eyes unable to meet mine as he stared at the console between us.

"Let's just go, we can talk when we get there," he glanced up at me and I nodded. He turned and got out of the car while I shook my head.

He was so fucking confusing. He seriously needed a mood stabilizer or I was going to develop chronic whiplash.

"I'm gonna take my tent,. It's supposed to rain, which normally doesn't bother me, but I don't want you to get sick or too cold." He said as he handed me the blankets.

We began the trek through the trees and plants, neither of us speaking as we walked.

I should have worn a heavier jacket as I was already cold and had to fight back the little shivers from the wind.

"I'll set up my portable heater once we get the tent set up." Edward said while I was deep in thought.

"Okay," I said as my teeth began to chatter.

It took us another ten minutes before we reached the clearing. But when we walked into the area, I gasped at the beauty and serenity of it in the daylight.

"This place is magical," I said as I turned around to take it all in.

"I think so," he replied and set down all the stuff he'd carried with him.

"Let's get this tent put up, it's pretty simple. Then we can eat. I'm fucking starving," he sounded annoyed again.

It pissed me off a little, to be honest.

I stood where he told me to, I took his barked orders with a bite of my own anger and I let him get the damn tent put up. But, I was about at my limit.

I'd been high from the adrenaline rush with escaping Riley's impending visit, then the rush of emotions from being with Edward again, to the teasing in the car. Now, now I was just sick of his shit.

"Fuck you, Edward Cullen," I said and grabbed a smoke out of my pocket, turned and stormed across the meadow. I spotted a boulder under a tree and made my way towards it.

I lit my cigarette, took a long drag then closed my eyes.

I heard his footsteps in the crackle of the fallen leaves behind me, but I didn't open my eyes. I needed to calm down and not let him get to me that way again.

"Caterpillar?" Edward spoke with a soft, velvety tone and I could feel him sit down on the rock beside me.

I didn't know what to say so I just sat there, still.

"The food's getting cold," he said and nudged my knee.

"I don't give a fuck," I angrily replied and moved an inch or so away from him.

Edward sighed heavily, but remained silent as I finished up my cigarette.

"Can we go eat now?" his voice a quiet whisper as his hand picked up mine and threaded his fingers through it.

"Sure," I whispered and gripped his hand tighter.

Something was happening, it was anything but calm and I knew if I didn't keep my anger in check it was only going to hurt us both in the long run.

**A/N: So, she finally lost her grip and her anger slipped out…**

**What do you think he was going to say to her? Were you shocked by his behavior? Hers?**

**Recs:**

**Deviant by Planetblue – it's her newest creation and it's going to be amazing. If you haven't read her Barefoot in Texas, you simply don't know what you're missing. She's a new and amazing author!**

**Salacious by Cutestkidsmom – To be honest, this story freaking owns me with it's mystery, intrigue and pushing against the grain. And, it's written by one of my dearest friends, supporters and fellow authors.**

**Tutus, Teeth and a bag of fairy dust by Twistar Junkie – my twifey has written one of the funniest, depraved and out right outrageous comic relief fics EVER. It seriously deserves more attention for it's LOL factor alone. **

**Visit all these lovely authors and tell them I sent you, you won't regret it;)**

**See ya next week….writers block continues**

**Kyla**


	28. Chapter 28

AWoC ch28

**A/N: This chapter comes to you with a STRONG WARNING regarding the content. I don't want to give too much away but if cutting and/or drug use is a trigger for you, you may want to avoid this chapter. THERE IS NOTHING GRAPHIC, however, it's disturbing. You have been warned.**

**Thank you to my team for their kind words and help with this chapter: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. Because of y'alls support I was brave enough to write this.**

**See you at the bottom.**

Esme POV

I sat on the floor of my bedroom staring out the window, sipping another glass of wine.

I watched the sun set over the distant mountains and I felt the perpetual numbness I lived in wear off.

Pain.

Pain gripped my heart.

Pain ripped through my head.

Pain shook my body as I felt the tears begin to fall from my eyes.

My babies were dead, long buried in the ground, my husband a cold and uncaring man, my children scattered across the spectrum.

I was alone in this world I lived in.

I finished my glass of wine and realized the bottle was empty, too.

It hurt so much to move.

It hurt to think, to cry, or care.

So, I made the decision to stop it, to stop all of it.

It's time to end it all.

To find the release from the hell I've lived in the past six years. Hell, if I'm honest, all of my life has been a living hell.

I manage to find the strength to stand up, my legs shaking, my hands rattling against the glass panes as I use them for leverage.

I find the rails of the bed to hold myself up as I make it slowly toward the bathroom door, having only a few steps with nothing to assist me.

I reach the vanity and force myself to look at my face. I'm a shell of who I once was. My eyes glossy and red, black underneath and haunted. My cheeks gaunt and bony. My skin pale and clammy.

I am no one.

I am ugly on the outside to match the broken ugly I feel on the inside.

I find a half-empty bottle of wine I left on the counter and I take the bottle to my lips. I don't want to be sober for this. I need to feel the burn of hurt for only a few seconds before I do what I must.

I open the medicine cabinet and pull out three different bottles of pills, managing to open and spill them all over the marble countertop. I grab a few of each and swallow them down with another drink of the bottle.

More tears spill from my eyes as my son's face comes to my mind.

My Edward.

My special boy.

The one who looks just like me.

I've destroyed his heart and crushed his soul.

My child.

One of my children.

Someone that needed me and depended on me.

And I turned my back on him.

I caused him pain in retaliation for the pain I thought he'd caused me. I blamed him for all of it.

I blamed him for the accident.

I blamed him for the death of my beautiful twin daughters.

I blamed him for Carlisle's infidelity.

I blamed him for Alice's anger.

I blamed him for Emmett's careless attitude.

I blamed him for my drinking, my drug use, my reason to numb out the world.

And none of it was his fault.

My precious son was not to blame for any of it.

The sobs wracked my body as I fell to the floor and screamed while my hands repeatedly hit the ground to the point my fingers felt crushed.

My head pounded from the heaviness of my torment, the hurt almost unbearable. But, it's all my own doing.

I wipe my face clear of the wetness and crawl on the floor toward the bathtub where I start the water running. Once I'm able to stand, I pull myself up and drop off the gown I've been wearing for days.

I haven't spoken to anyone in almost forty-eight hours, they've all decided I'm a hopeless case, not worth the effort any longer.

I walk on wobbly legs to the closet and take off my watch and wedding rings. I slowly pull out the necklace the children had given me one Christmas. I haven't worn it since the accident because there were no charms to represent the daughters I buried. I never felt right to not honor them with a stone of their own, so I kept the precious jewelry in a box all these years.

It only seemed fitting that I wear it now, if only to let my remaining children know I did love them.

Even in death.

I find another bottle of wine I had hidden in the closet and uncork it, carrying it carefully back to the bathtub. I set it on the side and stumble to Carlisle's drawer, choosing the newest blade I can find. I remove it from its cardboard sheath and glance at myself in the mirror one last time.

I deserve my fate.

I am ready to let it all go and be free of the demons that plague me.

I try and steady myself as I take the few steps back toward the tub, placing the blade gently on the marble tile next to the bottle of wine before I step into the warm water.

My body sinks into the water, the heat relaxing my muscles that the drugs in my system are now loosening, as well. I grab the bottle of wine and take a long pull, my closed eyes picturing the faces of my children all dressed in black.

I envision that they cry and tell me they loved me as they stand over my coffin. Their tears will forever stain my soul. But I know by doing this, I am freeing them from the binds of my hatred.

I've hated them for living, breathing, surviving.

I've hated them for needing, wanting, growing.

I've hated them for crying, screaming, talking.

But, I've never stopped loving them.

I'm doing this for them.

They can mourn me and move on to live the lives they truly deserve without my problems weighing them down.

I sink further into the water and feel it at my chin.

I open my eyes and pick up the blade, turning it over and over in my hand.

I know the relief the first slice will bring, as I've cut myself on purpose before.

I know the exhale of pain that will come with that first drop of blood that leaves my wounded skin.

I tip the blade across the inside of my left wrist and puncture the flesh, a whoosh of breath releases from my mouth as I drag the blade across the width of my arm.

I instantly feel the burn and want to cry out with the force of pain, but I hold it in as I watch the blood spill into the water that is almost to my ears now.

I carefully grip the blade in my left hand to repeat the process on my right wrist.

The pain leaves me breathless as I see through the tears and the water becomes pink.

I cry out the names of my children.

I begin to sing Edward's favorite nighttime nursery song, the one he used to beg me to sing to him night after night.

I feel the darkness creep in as my eyes can't remain open and I sink deeper into the flowing red water.

I hear the laughter of Emmett and Alice and feel the arms of Edward around my waist as we stand in the middle of the yard. The sun beats down on us as we have one of our usual family picnics.

My family is whole.

My heart is intact.

My soul is full of joy.

I hear my own heartbeat as the rest fades away ... all I see is black, cold and empty ... I feel my life ebbing away.

"Esme!" someone screams from far away.

Then nothing.

Just nothing.

**A/N: *takes a deep breath* Still with me?**

**There is a reason for this chapter…it's another pivotal point to the Chaos for those all involved. As there were reasons for the alternating POV's that I've provided for you this far.**

***IMPORTANT* I've had a severe case of writer's block. It's been almost a month since I've been able to write a single word. It's tormenting me. BUT, I am going to attempt to write tonight as I've had the help of some great songs lately to bring my mind back into the world of Chaos…so, let's hope it helps because I truly miss updating twice a week. As, I'm sure that you, my lovely readers, would appreciate me getting back on posting track. Soon, I hope!**

**REC for this week:**

**Black & White by Alice Vampire – it's a brand new fic, only 1 ch posted so far but let me tell you, my friends, it's going to be an amazing tale. A sorrowful Edward, a confirmed bachelorette Bella…DEFINTELY a must read, I promise. I've had a sneak peek at some of it and it blew me away. It's in my favs.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter!**

**See ya next week,**

**Kyla**


	29. Chapter 29

AWoC ch29

**A/n: Welcome back…so many questions about last chapter…and they will be answered, but as this is 'soap opera' like with many layers, equations and players…it'll take a little bit.**

**Much love to my team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**Buckle up…**

Riley POV

All I could see was red.

That little bitch played me, and she was going to pay for the embarrassment she caused. She was going to pay with her body and possibly her fucking miserable life.

No one fucked Riley Biers over, ever.

That fucking excuse for a father of hers better not even think twice of getting in my way either.

I sped down the highway formulating a plan for exactly what I was going to do to her.

First, I would slam her around to let her know she could not fuck with me.

The thought of her slinking out my bathroom window, leaving me waiting at my own damn house, during my own fucking party - that shit was completely unacceptable.

Bella fucking Swan belonged to me now and I would show her what I expected from her now and for the future.

I'd drag her by the hair to her bedroom, rip off her clothes and take that body of hers to use for my own damn pleasure. Just like she would have learned last night, had she not skipped out on me.

That bitch would pay for that.

"Slow the fuck down, Riley. You trying to get us killed," Tyler's voice pulled me out of my fit of rage as I glanced down and realized I was doing over a hundred miles an hour.

"Shut the fuck up," I yelled and pulled my foot off the accelerator a bit to keep from getting pulled over.

"Where the fuck are we going, man?" Tyler asked as he lit a joint and took a few hits.

"What the fuck does it matter to you?" I questioned and grabbed the joint for a puff.

I felt the rage running through me as I narrowed my eyes on the road. I knew I had to get a handle on myself or I'd blow it before I got started.

I slowed the car down a little more as we got closer to Forks. The last thing I needed was to get pulled over by one of the pricks in this fucked up town.

"You got the guns loaded in the car?" I questioned Tyler. He usually did as he was told so I sure hoped this time was no different.

"Of course," he replied, a little annoyed I even asked him.

"When we get there, stay in the car until I give you the signal to come in, understand?"  
I had to figure out exactly what I was going to do. Especially when I turned the corner and saw the fucking Chief of Police's cruiser sitting in the mother fucking driveway.

"Fuck," I said and slammed my hand against the steering wheel.

I pulled the car over a few houses down from the Swan residence and killed the engine.

"Stay alert," I told him as I slid a gun out from under the seat and put it in the back of my jeans.

"Sure thing," Tyler answered and sunk down lower into the seat.

"And no more fucking weed, I don't need you fried if I get into trouble," I gave him a stern look and he just nodded.

I got out and walked across the street, making my way towards the house.

I noticed all the lights were dim inside. I could see the glare of the television inside the big bay window and Charlie spread out in a recliner.

I didn't notice Bella's car anywhere around and I began to wonder if I should have started by searching for her.

I knocked on the front door and heard the Chief startle awake with a loud grump.

Fuck, this was messed up.

He slowly opened the front door and his eyes went wide as he took me in.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Biers?" he spoke through the plastic pane on the screen door.

"Let me the fuck in, Charlie," I growled and waited for him to release the hook on the door.

Once he did, I walked in without waiting for an invitation.

"Where the fuck is Bella?" I asked as I stood in the middle of the living room.

He panicked and ran his hand around the back of his neck.

"What the fuck do you want with my daughter?" His voice was rough and I could hear his fear.

"She's got some business with me, some that she left unfinished and I'm here to finish it." I smirked at him as he sat slowly down in his chair.

"How the hell do you have any business with my daughter, Riley? I deserve to know what the fuck is going on!" Charlie looked at me with new determination in his eyes.

"You see Charlie, I don't owe you shit. Therefore, it truly is none of your business. But let's just say your precious little girl is in too deep for you to save her. She owes me and that's that." I walked around the room, surveying it, noting it was a plain, rundown room that appeared sad.

"Look Riley, I don't know what the fuck is going on between you and Bella, but it ends now. Do you hear me? She's a young girl, and whatever you've gotten her involved in, it ends now. Me and you, we've got our own dealings. But she's out. Whatever it is, she's fucking out of it right the fuck now." Charlie stood up and clenched his fists at his side.

I walked over to him, bowed up and smiled, "Or what? You'll arrest me?" I laughed and watched his face. He didn't blink. Hell, I don't think he even took a breath.

"I'll kill you myself, Riley. I'm not fucking scared of your punk-ass." Charlie spoke through gritted teeth in a voice that should have filled me with fear. However, I would never show my enemy my doubts.

"You wish." I said and took a step back.

"Just know this, Charlie, I WILL finish my business with her. And there's not a fucking thing you can do about it." I shoulder-checked him as I walked by only to notice a set of headlights through the big bay window. A car had turned in, turned around and sped away.  
I instantly recognized the car.

That fucking little prick.

He was dead.

**A/N: Hmmm….who did he see?**

**How will Charlie deal into this mess? **

**REC's: **

**Deviant by PlanetBlue – if you aren't reading this one….I suggest an extra pair of undies, a shamwow and some serious alone time…NSFW while reading, JS;) This one is HOT, HOT, HOT and completely fucking owns me!**

**The Art of getting Fluffed by ChocolateSparrow – Collab between Chocaholic123 and SparrowNotes24 - it's hilarious and it's full of pornoward!**

**Thrift Shop by Twistar Junkie – another crackfic by my twifey that will have you laughing through your tears….it's freaking hilarious and a quick, drabble type read!**

**Would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter…teaser will be up in the group for ch30 later tonight or tomorrow. I have been able to get a few more ch's written, but still not enough to go back to posting twice a week, yet. I hate that for ya'll cuz I know these chapters are shorter due to I wrote them planning on posting twice a week. But, RL is killing me, time-wise, mentally and emotionally.**

**All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm glad that I had at least enough pre-written chapters so I didn't delay posting. I'll keep trying.**

**See ya next week,**

**Kyla**


	30. Chapter 30

AWoC ch30

**A/N: So sorry for the delay in posting…BUT, I FINALLY GOT MY WRITING MOJO BACK! I've whipped out 4 new chapters tonight;)**

**So, if it continues at this rate, I'll be back to posting twice a week soon!**

**Much love to my incredible team: A Jasper For Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Cutestkidsmom and my new member, Rvrsong!**

**Now, let's find out what happened to Esme, shall we?**

Carlisle POV

I walked into the house after a long shift and I was beat. I wanted a scotch, a quiet house and a hard fuck, which I knew wasn't available given the state Esme had been in lately.

I missed my wife.

When I met Esme, she had been boisterous, full of life and absolutely stunning. However, the years of her illness being untreated, her fear of not being a good enough mother or wife and dealing with the death of our children had taken their tolls on her. Her mind collapsed in on itself and there was no bringing her back.

Add to the chaos of her breakdown, the mess of destruction Edward had become and there was simply no way we could go back to being the normal, loving family we'd once been.

Nowadays, I tried to salvage what was left of our family but it wasn't much. Alice was more and more like Esme every day, in that she collapsed in on herself and tried to be the fixer. Once she'd realized her mother would never be the mom she once was, it had turned her into a shallow, bitter young woman. I feared for the path she was headed down but was thankful she at least had Jasper in her life. He had the ability to calm her and provide her a peace she desperately needed in the storm of her life.

Then there was Emmett, our oldest son. He over-compensated for everything in order to not feel bad about anything. He strived for perfection in his grades, his social abilities and sports. However, he did it in derogatory and overtly competitive ways and I feared for the road ahead of him. If he continued the way he was, all he's worked so hard for will come crumbling down. And he seemed to be working his way through half the females in the school system.

But, my biggest worries were our middle child, Edward. He seemed to be in complete self-destruct mode. I knew he was taking his meds, as I checked them regularly to make sure his prescriptions didn't run out. However, he was using alcohol and streets drugs, I'm pretty sure. He rarely spoke and when he did, it was defensively. He was staying on top of most of his grades, however, he was taking a lot of dumbed-down classes instead of excelling the way I knew he could.

As I walked through the house, scotch in hand, I heard a noise from upstairs and it caught my attention.

Esme was singing.

She was singing a particular song she used to sing at night when the kids were little.

What the hell was she doing up there?

As I walked up the stairs, I could hear her voice and what sounded like water running. She must be extremely fucked up to be making that much noise.

I opened the bedroom door and was certain she was drawing a bath as she continued to sing.

I stood just outside the bathroom door and listened to her voice, slurred words and all.

But then something happened that made my blood curdle, my drink fall from my hands and my heart just about stop.

She screamed out the names of all our children, then gurgled.

I threw the door opened and what I saw before me knocked me to my knees.

My beautiful, fucked up wife lay naked in a tub of her own blood.

I screamed her name, then scurried towards her, hoping I could save her in time. I couldn't lose her. She was the love of my life, now just as much as before I lost her to the sadness.

"Esme, wake up. Love, come on, don't leave me," I cried as I pulled her up from the water and wrapped my arms around her.

"Esme," I slapped her to try and revive her. I reached around and turned off the water.

"HELP!" I screamed to the still silent house.

"Someone help me," I yelled again, holding the almost lifeless body of my wife in my soaking wet arms.

Esme moaned and her head rolled around on my elbow as I struggled to pull her from the tub.

"Esme, please, you can't leave me, you can't leave us. Our family needs you," I cried and kissed her all over her face.

I laid her out on the floor and went to work on trying to revive her before I wrapped her wrists.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed 911.

"This is Dr. Cullen, I need an ambulance right now. My wife has slit her wrists and I need someone here, now!" I shouted into the phone and began to go over the assessment with the dispatcher.

I finally heard the sirens as I continued to hold her, hoping I had found her in time. And praying this could finally be the wake-up call our family needed to come back together.

I heard the EMT's calling out downstairs, so I yelled for them to come upstairs. They rushed up and immediately went to work on reviving my wife.

I stood up and moved away, unable to stop the sobs that suddenly racked my body.

I felt as if my life was slipping away second by second as I watched her being lifted onto the gurney and moved down towards the ambulance.

"Do you want to ride with her or follow behind the bus, Dr. Cullen?" One of the EMT's asked.

"I'll ride with her, I need to be with her," I managed to speak through my tears.

"Do you need to call your children?" One of the others asked.

Then panic set in. I was going to have to tell the kids about what had happened. Their mother may not make it.

How would any of us survive if that happened?

"I'll call them from the hospital," I replied and hoped it wouldn't be too late.

I realized in that moment, it might have already been too late for all of us, as it was.

**A/N: Well? He found her…but was he in time?**

**Hopefully this will be the wakeup call that they ALL needed…thoughts?**

**Hope you all have a wonderful Easter!**

**Kyla**


	31. Chapter 31

AWoC ch31

**A/N: The past couple of chapters happened DURING the time of this chapter...you'll understand after you've read it;)**

**Thanks to everyone for hanging in there with me, I know that the past couple of updates have been rough...good stuff ahead, I PROMISE!**

**LOVE to my team for their amazing insight, love and support: A Jasper For Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom.**

**This is one of my person favorite chapters, jsyk;)**

EPOV

We'd been sitting just outside the tent in silence for a good long while. I had my fingers wrapped around CP's tiny little hand, every now and then giving it a squeeze.

"When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?" Caterpillar's voice was soft and made me feel strangely warm.

"A doctor like my dad." I remembered suddenly how I used to wear this little white cardigan sweater all the time because it reminded me of his lab coat.

"Really?" Her question brought me out of my memory.

"Sure, CP, I didn't always hate him." I replied with a shrug.

She smiled, a weary smile, and scooted a little closer toward me to rest her head on my shoulder. I moved my hand out of hers and wrapped my arm around her instead. It felt nice to have her so close to me. It still burned when she touched me like this but I'd begun to enjoy the flame of tingles.

"What about you, Caterpillar?"

I felt her shake her head against my shoulder.

"Nope, you'll just laugh at me," her voice was filled with dread.

I frowned and realized I wasn't as nice to her as I should be sometimes. She didn't trust me and that realization hurt my chest.

I shook my head and tightened my arm around her.

"No, I won't, I promise." I leaned in and placed a kiss to the side of her head, smelling her hair in the process. She always smelled so fucking good.

"I wanted to be a teacher," Caterpillar whispered and I smiled.

"Why would I laugh about that?" I questioned. She looked up at me with those big brown eyes and I suddenly felt light-headed. What the hell was she doing to me?

"Because the reason behind it was silly." I waited because I knew she wasn't finished talking yet. That's one thing I'd learned about her from all our late night chats. Caterpillar was a thinker and sometimes she had to find her own courage to voice her own thoughts.

"I was an only child and always wanted brothers and sisters. So, I figured if I were a teacher, then I would always have someone to play with." Her eyes showed her honesty and embarrassment.

I smiled.

"I don't see anything silly about that at all." I kissed her temple and rested my forehead against hers. I felt her shiver and knew the temperature had dropped because I felt the chill setting in, too.

"We should probably head back to town now, it's getting cold and late." I started to move so I could stand up but Bella gripped my arm, holding me where I was.

"I'm scared of what will happen when Riley finds me." Her eyes showed every bit of the fear she just spoke of.

"I won't let him hurt you, Caterpillar, I promise," I leaned down and let my lips touch her eyes. I pulled her tight against me, wishing it were another time, another place and that I wasn't me. I'm too fucked up to feel this good by simply enjoying a kiss from her.

CP slid her hands around my neck, holding me to her and I deepened the kiss by pushing my tongue against hers. She tasted like serenity.

Sweet and pure.

Soft and soothing.

I pulled back and took a quick breath before capturing her lips again while she moaned into my mouth.

It felt good, too good. My body was humming with the feel of her pull on me. I wanted to feel good with her, to her, for her. But I had to stop.

"CP, we need to go," I whispered through a pant, as she worked to get her own breathing under control.

Her eyes came up to meet mine and I saw her rejection.

I frowned.

"Caterpillar, it's too cold out here. You don't have a jacket on and besides that, it's getting late. We need to head back to town and find out what's going on, then we can decide what to do, okay?" I spoke soft and moved some of her long hair over her shoulder, exposing her tempting neck to me.

I might have groaned as she slowly nodded at me.

"We'll just leave the tent, we might need it next time. No one comes up here, trust me." I shrugged and grabbed the blankets and my heater, knowing the rain would destroy them if I left those behind.

I held Bella's hand while she held the flashlight on our trek down the path to my car.

"There surely must be an easier way to get to our meadow," she huffed as the car came into view.

I laughed, "Our meadow?"

She stopped short and turned to face me, "Yes, Cullen, our meadow," her hands stayed firm on her hips and she flexed a brow at me.

My stomach burned at the thought of sharing my secret place with her. It was my only safe haven from all of the world and now she'd invited herself in.

What if we had a fight and I needed to escape?

What if the night was just unbearable and I needed to be alone?

She would always find me here.

"Don't worry so much, Edward. I couldn't find this place alone if I had to." Her expression told me she knew exactly what I'd been thinking.

I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

"Okay then," I relented, still uncertain about sharing my secret place.

We got the stuff loaded into the car and I blasted the heater to warm us both up.

"Where are we going to go?" CP asked as I started to back out and head back to town.

"I thought we'd start by going to your house, see if anything looks out of place," I wasn't really sure what to do but figured we could scope it out first.

I felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out to see it was my dad calling me. I hit end and sent it to voicemail. He couldn't possibly be calling me for anything good. I certainly didn't need his shit tonight either.

"Is something wrong?" CP's voice was quiet as I just nodded and pulled a cig out of the console for her to light.

"Nope, just my asshole of a father," I handed her the smoke and she lit it, taking a puff before passing it back to me.

"Why would he be calling you? It's not even ten o'clock yet," her observation threw me, as I hadn't even realized how early it still was.

"I don't know, CP, but I don't care to find out either." I said just as we hit the first stoplight in town.

"Do you want to go get your car first or check out your house?" I asked as I noticed she was slinking a little lower in her seat.

Her eyes hit mine and I saw the fear.

Fuck.

"Let's go by my house first, I don't want to take the chance of Riley seeing me in my car," her fingers wrapped a little tighter around mine on the hand she was holding.

"Okay," I quietly replied and turned at the corner onto her street.

"Fuck, I think that's his car," I said as I slowed down and turned around just past her driveway only to see Riley and Charlie through the big bay window at the front of their house.

"Shit, do you think he saw us?" Bella screamed as I hauled ass down the street and turned off on a side road that would get us back to the highway.

"I don't know, CP, but we're not staying in Forks tonight. We'll go by my house and pick up some stuff then head to Portland for the night." I tried not to sound panicked but I was too sober. This shit was too real and I didn't want to think about Riley hurting Caterpillar.

I heard her tears and sniffles.

And I fought to keep my own breathing under control.

What the fuck had I gotten myself into?

**A/N: Make sense now;)**

**Thanks for all your support and reviews. I love to read them and I wish that I had the time to reply, RL just doesn't lend me the extra time. I've started writing again, but as I'm limited on time, it's not as fast as I'd like it to be.**

**See ya next week!**

**Kyla**


	32. Chapter 32

AWoC ch32

**A/n: SURPRISE!**

**I've had an awesome day, my state certification finally came through, so since I can't sit and have a glass of wine w/ all of you to celebrate, I'm giving you a new chapter!**

**Tracey M – here's ya boy….LOVE YA!**

**Thanks be to my awesome team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom – Ya'll own me and ya know it;)**

**ENJOY!**

Emmett POV

Saturday nights usually found me at a party or two, sifting through the various girls at my beck and call. I had to stop by the local drug store and pick up some condoms as I noticed that I was out this morning when I kicked Lauren out of my bedroom.

I pulled into the parking lot and noticed none other than Rosalie Hale through the front store window.

Fucking great.

The bane of my existence in the flesh.

When I first met Rosalie, I was completely smitten with her. She was so beautiful and so shy. We had become fast friends that first year she was in school with us. But that summer had been a particularly bad one for my family, as my mother had suffered another miscarriage, and Edward's behavior had grown increasingly erratic. I hated being stuck in the house tending to Alice all the time. I wanted to be out playing ball or spending time with Rose.

However, Edward began to tease me about her and my dad warned me to stay away from her, that she was from bad parents. So, I did what my dad told me to, I quit being her friend when school started back up.

I hated seeing her cry, knowing it was my fault. But, I didn't want to upset my dad. He had enough to worry about with my mom and Edward. Alice told me I could be friends with her if I wanted to, that she wouldn't tell on me.

I know now my dad was just looking out for my best interests back then, as I realize now Rose would have probably been a hindrance on my football career.

I checked my hair, grabbed my wallet and got out of the car. The store was deserted as I walked in and headed down the aisle where the condoms were. Hell, I should own stock in that shit for as many as I go through. However, they were necessary if I wanted to keep my dick wet without something coming between me and my dreams.

Just as I found the brand I liked and picked up three boxes, my phone began to ring. It was my dad.

"Hello?" I said hastily as I answered.

"Emmett, where are you?" He sounded panicked and out of sorts.

"In town, why?" I sounded annoyed because I knew something had happened for him to be so off key.

"There's been an accident, Em. Your mom …" I heard a sob come out of his mouth and I felt the panic inside of myself.

"Dad, what happened? Where are you?" I shouted and waited for him to pull it together and answer me.

"Esme's in the hospital, ambulance ... so much blood." He cried and his words weren't making sense.

I fell to my knees.

"What the hell happened, Dad?" I begged and tried to hold my own tears at bay.

"Em, she's not going to make it ... I don't think I got to her in time," he sobbed again and I felt the first of my tears hit my hand.

"Dad? Dad! What do I do? Don't let her die! She can't die, Dad!" I begged and pleaded .

"Son, get to the hospital. I need you. She needs you. Please, she's barely hanging on." Carlisle Cullen sounded desperate.

My heart broke for the second time in my life.

I dropped my phone and hid my face in my hands as the tears and anguish took over me.

I felt arms around me, holding me tight.

Warmth.

Comfort.

Love.

"Emmett, I'm here. I've got you." I heard a soft voice in my ear as I buried my face in her neck.

"She's dead, I just know it." I cried and wrapped my arms around her, gripping tightly on the back of her shirt.

"Is that what your dad said?" She ran her hand over my head, her fingernails slightly scraping my scalp. It eased me and I shook my head in the crook of her neck.

"Then she's not dead yet. Let's get you to the hospital and find out what happened, okay?" Rosalie's voice whispered again in my ear and I just nodded against her skin.

I was afraid to let her go.

I was afraid to lose the feel of her against me.

"Please don't leave me," I cried as she began to kiss my cheek and then my forehead as she pulled back to make me look up at her.

"I'll never leave your side again, unless you order me away," her blue eyes shone bright, although wet as they looked into mine.

"I need you, I'll always need you," the words came out before I even realized what I'd just confessed.

She smiled and leaned down to place her soft lips gently against mine.

"Oh Rosie," I cried again, knowing how fucked up all of this was, but also knowing I couldn't get through all of this without her.

I was tired. I was tired of fighting to act like I didn't care about her. I was tired of keeping up the big dick on campus facade. But mostly, I was just tired of my life.

"Let me call my boss, lock up and then we can go to the hospital, okay?" Her hands came up to hold my face as she spoke.

"Okay," I whispered and tightened my hold on her. She kissed my forehead again and then tried to stand up.

"Emmett, we have to stand up so I can go to the register." I nodded and loosened my grip so we could get up off our knees.

Our hands entwined as we walked the few feet towards the front of the store.

I stood there looking out the window into the dark night while Rosalie did what she needed to do.

"Are you ready?" I heard her say and I had to focus on her face to understand what she was asking me.

"What?" I snapped.

"Are you ready to go to the hospital?" She held her hand out for my keys, and I pulled them from my pocket, knowing I couldn't drive in my panicked state.

We walked through the doors, where she locked up and then got into my car. Just as she started to put the key in, I grabbed her hand and pulled her to face me.

"I'm sorry, Rosie. I'm sorry for so much. But, this is my family. I can't lose my mom. I mean, she's been dead for so many years but still breathing, ya know? It would destroy what's left of us if she dies. Please don't let her die." I broke down again and cried, like a pussy, in her arms.

Hearing the panic in my dad's voice.

Hearing the pain of him breaking at the thought of losing my mom.

Hearing the sob come through the phone.

We had all hurt and hated for so long. But we all stayed together because we were a family. A fucked up and broken family, but connected nonetheless.

"Oh Emmie, I'm so sorry. I wish I could save her. I wish I could take away your pain. But I'm here. I'll be by your side, if that's what you want." Her eyes stared into mine.

For the first time in a really, really long time, I let go and just breathed.

"I want you by my side." I said softly.

She smiled, leaned in and kissed me in the gentlest of kisses then turned back to start the car.

Regardless of the outcome we found at the hospital, I knew things in my life were changed forever.

**A/N: Did ya see that coming? Hmmm, neither did I until I started writing this chapter. **

**Now, I know some of you hate the alternate POV's but as the writer, sometimes we have do what the characters dictate or what the story dictates. These POV ch's are necessary, IMO, to the depth of this story. **

**Never fear, EPOV chapter is the next one up on Wednesday**

**Leave me some thoughts?**

**Kyla**


	33. Chapter 33

AWoC ch33

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads and review. I appreciate each and every one and love that some of you are so involved w/ this broken family.**

**Much love to my team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Grnidgirl and Cutestkidsmom. They are invaluable to me.**

**Enjoy!**

EPOV

The ride through town was filled with a deafening silence as I drove aimlessly, going nowhere.

"I can't believe he was talking to Charlie," Bella finally said, her voice heavy and full of fear.

"Should you maybe call your dad?" I was freaking out as well, but didn't want her to know that. Besides, I knew if I didn't get some sort of meds or alcohol in my system soon, I would be absolutely worthless to us both. But thanks to Alice's little breakfast bomb, I knew I couldn't take Caterpillar back to my house, even to grab some meds.

"I should, but what am I going to say? I mean, shit Edward, I escaped from Riley's house, I've stolen pot from my dad's secret stash, I lied about a broken date with you. What exactly should I call him and say?" The panic was absolutely vocal in her tone and it only heightened my own fears.

"CP, I don't give a shit what you tell him. He had to have seen my car turning around in the driveway so he knows you are most likely with me. I don't think we need him filing missing daughter charges with me listed as your kidnapper. Do you?" I raged at her, unable to control my building temper.

"Well, what the fuck do you want me to do? Get out of the car and hand myself over to Riley?" She screamed back at me, and I fought the urge to beat the hell out of the steering wheel.

"How much cash do you have on you?" I gritted my teeth and asked as she frantically began to mumble and wave her arms around.

"Um, I don't know, maybe about fifty bucks," her eyes about to bug out of her head as the tension rose between the two of us.

"We're gonna head to Portland and get a hotel room, so I suggest you call or text your dad to tell him something about why you won't be home tonight." I started to think of ways I could get in and out of my house without being detected.

"I could lie and say I'm going to spend the night at Angela's, but we both know he saw us. He'll know for sure I'm lying and what if he showed up at your house?" Bella started to rock back and forth in the seat as she turned her phone over in her hands.

My phone started to chirp with a message.

I didn't want to even fucking guess who it was, but I glanced down and noticed it was a text from my dad.

Fuck. I couldn't deal with his shit tonight ,so I placed my phone back on the console.  
Just then Caterpillar's phone started to buzz.

"Fuck, it's my dad. He sent me a text. He never texts me," her voice raised another whole octave, which only heightened my panic as well.

I had to get something in my system right fucking now.

I drove towards my house.

"Here's what we're going to do, CP. I'm going to park my car in the woods near my house. You are going to call your dad while I sneak into my house to get a few things. Then when I get back, we're going to drive to Portland and get a room for the night. Hopefully we can fucking figure something out when we get there." I watched as she settled back into the seat, her head bobbing in agreement, and I worked to calm myself down.

My hands were shaking after I pulled into the alcove of trees near my house. It was pitch black outside and I hoped the security lights outside didn't go off as I approached the house.

I turned to face CP and slowly brought my hands up to cup her face, "Try to stay calm. I won't be gone long. Will you be okay for a few minutes?" I watched as her eyes stayed locked with mine. Her fear was evident but she was trying to be brave for me.

"Do you want the flashlight?" I whispered as I watched her eyes close slowly and then reopen, a little wet around the brim.

"N..no, I'll be okay, I think," her voice on the verge of cracking. I knew she was scared, her shivering bones gave her away.

I leaned in and placed a soft kiss to her lips before leaning my forehead against hers.

"We'll be okay, Caterpillar. We're together. We'll make it out of this okay, I promise," my own voice shaky as I talked out of my ass.

She wasn't okay and I sure as fuck wasn't okay. But she was scared, and I had to be strong for her, for someone, once in my miserable fucking life.

I gave her a quick kiss, brought her phone up in her hands with a nod and then got out of the car.

I sprinted through the brush and trees, hoping to find the house empty except for my drunken mom. If she were the only one home, no one would be the wiser that I was in and out of the house quickly.

I only saw Alice's car in the driveway but that didn't necessarily mean anything, she was usually with Jasper in his car.

I got into the house, which was dark, and made my way up to my room. I grabbed a duffel bag out of my closet, stuffed it with some clothes, my hidden cash and grabbed my meds out of the bathroom. I spun around in my room, trying to find anything I might need but felt myself shake from the movement.

"Fuck," I wheezed, and sat on the edge of my bed to grab a few pills out of the bag. I needed to get a grip, quickly.

"Edward!" I heard Alice scream up the stairs and I panicked. What the fuck was she doing here? How did she hear me?

"Edward, answer me right fucking now! Why aren't you answering your phone? Where have you been?" She was full on screaming like a maniac at this point, and I figured I just had to run down the stairs, out of the house and get to my car as quickly as possible.

I grabbed my bag, took a deep breath and left my room only to see my little sister's crazy, wide-eyed face staring at me from the bottom of the stairs.

"Seriously Alice, what the fuck do you care what I do with my time? Leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled at her as I took the steps two at a time.

I got to the bottom only to feel her grab my arm and try to turn me towards her. I snatched my arm back and moved fast to the door.

"Edward, STOP! STOP NOW!" Alice screamed and sobbed, and it sent a shiver down my back.

I got halfway down the driveway and turned to see her trying to get away from Jasper to follow me.

"What Alice? What the fuck is so damn important? I have a lot going on right now." I yelled, shrugging my shoulders, exasperated by this whole ordeal.

She sobbed, loud and dramatic. I was getting pissed because I knew I'd been gone longer than a few minutes and CP was in the car, in the dark, alone.

"Your mom, Edward, she um ..." Jasper paused, and I waved my hands to indicate he should just spit it out. "She tried to kill herself tonight. Your dad found her in time ... we think. But your dad and Alice have been trying to find you to let you know. They want you to come to the hospital, you know ... um, in case she doesn't make it." He cradled my little sister in his arms as another sob wracked through her again. I could tell he loved her. Why else would he be here taking care of her at a time like this?

"What?" I asked, surprised and a bit shocked. Then I felt nothing but anger. Of course that fucking bitch would try some shit like that.

"I hope she dies," was all I said before I turned and took off running. I could hear Alice screaming my name but I didn't care.

I heard nothing but the sound of my own heart beating as the anger built into rage inside of me.

Fuck Riley Biers.

Fuck Alice and my family.

But, most of all, fuck my mother for breaking my heart, once again.

I made it to the car, my lungs out of air as I put my palms on the hood and leaned over to try and catch a breath.

"Edward?" I heard Caterpillar's soft voice from beside me.

I shook my head to try and tell her to just let me be.

"You're crying," her hand came up to my cheek and tried to turn my head toward her.

I shook my head again.

I didn't want to cry.

I didn't want to feel.

Then I felt Caterpillar wrap her arms around me from behind, her cheek resting on my back, and I took a deep breath.

I filled my lungs with air.

Her air.

Her comfort.

Her touch.

She meant everything to me in that moment. And I knew I wouldn't be able to make it through any of this without her.

Without my Caterpillar.

Ever again.

**A/N: Don't you just want to hug him? I know I do…..:(**

**So, what do think about his reaction? **

**I know that a lot of you are asking about the status on Esme, just trust me, we'll get there…as we will deal w/ Riley…but, this fic has some layers and it just takes time. **

**BUT, I guarantee the next couple of chapters will be worth it….trust me?**


	34. Chapter 34

AWoC ch34

**A/N: Welcome to all the new readers, I'd love to hear from some of you…and to all the regulars THANK YOU for all the love and support you've shown me and our wayward duo…**

**I know that you are all worried about the state of Esme and we'll get there, I promise. Just hang tight.**

**Much love to my team: A Jasper For Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Cutestkidsmom and Rvrsong …I love you all!**

**ENJOY!**

BPOV

I held onto Edward as he tried to calm himself down. It felt good to feel my arms around him. But when I felt his hands grasp and squeeze mine, it sent a shock through me.

"What did your dad say?" his voice was rough and tight from crying.

"He actually texted me and told me to find somewhere safe for tonight because it wasn't safe for me to come home." I replied softly.

Edward stood all the way up and held my arms as he turned to face me. It was dark but I could make out his face in the moonlight.

"It's late, CP, let's get to a hotel then we can talk. A lot of shit has happened tonight and right now, I can't talk." He brought his hands up to cup my face again. I loved the feel of his hands on my skin, it electrified my insides. "But I promise we'll talk when we get there."

I saw in his eyes a range of emotions; hurt, fear, honesty and something I wasn't sure what it was. I couldn't speak for fear of saying something stupid, so I just nodded.

I watched Edward put his duffel bag into the backseat before he got into the car just as I shut my door.

"It's a long drive, do you need anything before we go?" he asked me as we headed out onto the 101.

"A cup of coffee might be good, but we can stop somewhere outside of town, just to avoid the chance of running into anyone," I was still scared Riley would find us before we could get out of town.

"I'll stop at the diner and run in, we'll be okay."

I was still in shock about this whole night, but right now, the only thing running through my head was that my dad told me to stay away from home. He knew I was with Edward. And now Edward and I were heading to a hotel, four hours from home, alone.

I was terrified, happy and anxious all at the same time.

But I knew something bad had happened to Edward when he went into his house.

I know him, or at least as much as he's allowed me to. I think I know him and he doesn't just cry.

Something happened.

I'm trying to be understanding, but we have a long drive ahead of us and we're both tired. If we don't talk or something, we'll both fall asleep.

Edward pulls into the dark side of the parking lot at the diner and parks the car.

"I'll only be in there a minute. You okay?" he asked, and I just nodded, unable to move.

Fear ran through me and I started to shake as he closed his door behind him.

I was alone with a mentally unstable boy, one that I really liked, out in the middle of the night.

My dad told me not to come home.

Edward was crying.

I suddenly felt very small, very much like a young girl and very much frightened.

All of my life I had someone else to take care of, someone else to tend to. It was very, very rare that anyone ever took care of me, even when I was sick. Renee would check in on me from time to time, but she never comforted me or tended to me.

I couldn't stop the tears as they fell from my eyes.

I wondered if there would ever come a time where someone took care of me, held me, kept me safe.

There had been brief moments when Cullen had done that for me, small sparks of time that made me feel protected or secure. But I wasn't kidding myself that he was stable or capable of even taking care of himself let alone a screwed up little girl.

I watched him jog back to the car with two tall cups of coffee before he got in and handed me a cup.

"There's creamer and shit in my pocket, I didn't know how you took your coffee," his eyes glanced at mine then back to the windshield as he drove out of the parking lot.

"Black is fine," I managed to say, hopefully not letting him hear my tears.

"Me too," he simply replied.

It was dark except for the lights off his dash, but he kept them turned down low too, so there was barely a soft blue hue shining around us as the darkness took over.

It was a reflection of how I suddenly felt.

Empty.

Swallowed.

Alone.

I brought the cup to my lips and tried to keep from burning myself as I tasted the dark, stale coffee on my tongue.

I fought to wrap my arms around myself.

I couldn't let him see me fall apart.

"Caterpillar, are you cold?" His voice shook me and I jumped a little in my seat.

"What?" I questioned, not wanting to draw his attention to me. He needed to concentrate on getting us safely to our destination.

"Are you cold? I can feel you shivering from here," his face glancing back and forth between me and the road.

I was cold.

"No, I'm fine. I guess it's just the shock from tonight," I lied.

He huffed and shook his head at me.

"You stick with that lie, CP," he kind of chuckle-grunted.

I turned to look out the window, unable to focus my eyes on anything but the darkness.

A few more minutes of silence went by before he spoke again.

"I promise I'll keep you safe," his voice was low and serious.

My brain registered what he'd said and my heart flipped but my head forced me to speak in a clipped tone, "I hope so, Edward. I truly hope so."

I leaned my head back against the seat and drank a few more sips of coffee before I sat it in the cup holder on the console.

"You can sleep, Caterpillar, I'll be alright," his voice was so calm and soothing as I closed my eyes.

The darkness surrounded me and felt my body relax, minutely.

~~~ A Whisper of Chaos ~~~

"Wake up, beautiful, we're here," I heard Edward say as I felt him undo my seatbelt.

I felt as though I'd been drug behind a truck on a rocky road. My body was stiff and sore, my head was throbbing and my eyelids felt like concrete.

Edward lifted me from the car seat and wrapped his arms around me as he cradled my body in his arms.

"I've got you," he whispered as I snuggled my face into the crook of his neck.

I felt warm and safe.

I felt his care in the way he held me.

He felt comforting.

I fell back into my dream.

It was a dream where we were far away from here, somewhere where we were happy together and almost peaceful.

It was a good dream.

**A/n: So, they made it out of town safely…and Bella's a bit….broken. **

**I know this was a shorter chapter but it ended where it needed too, for now;)**

**And, I hope now you feel the need to hug her too, it's not just Edward that needs our hugs.**

**See ya'll next week…my RL is taking ALL of my extra time, so unfortunately I've only written 1 new chapter in the past 2 weeks;(**

**Kyla**


	35. Chapter 35

AWoC ch35

**A/N: This chapter is NOT beta'd due to my oversight of never having sent it to my beta, um 2 months ago when I wrote it;( Please forgive all errors, I didn't want to make you wait for it. (Sorry Brig)**

**HUGE, HUGE apologies to GRNIDGIRL for my oversight in omitting her from the Team Loving last week. You KNOW that I couldn't function w/out you my sister;) **

**Much love to Eternally Edward's girl and Cutestkidsmom, as well….way back when I wrote this, they held my hands tightly and I appreciate their support.**

**Now….a few of you have reviewed stating that you stayed up all night reading/catching up on this and WOW that makes me all squishy happy inside…THANK YOU! I'm sorry I haven't had time to reply to reviews. BUT, I love, adore and cherish each and every one of them.**

**Now…let's FINALLY check in on Esme, shall we?**

Charlie POV

Shortly after Riley left the house I got a call from the station that Esme Cullen had been admitted to the hospital for a possible suicide attempt.

I told the Deputy that I'd handle the call and head up the hospital. I went upstairs to get changed into my uniform and had a realization that I couldn't leave Bella alone in the house. Not with Riley on the loose.

I knew she wasn't at the bookstore this late at night and I had a very strong suspicion that she was with the Cullen boy. I was the Chief of Police after-all, not much got by me.

I had always trusted my daughter, she'd never stepped a toe out of line therefore my only worries about her was that she was alone so much of the time. I knew that she'd always been an old soul, more mature and responsible than children her age. But, I had a bad feeling about her being mixed up with both Biers and Cullen. Neither of those boys had a lick of goodness in them, so I wasn't sure what lead my Bells to get herself tangled up with them.

I wasn't sure what was going on with Bella and Edward but maybe I could find out from Dr. Cullen. Hopefully he had a clue about what his son was up too.

I finished getting dressed, left Bella a note in case she came home and headed to the hospital.

I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, ready to get some answers and to find out exactly what had happened with Esme.

"Hi, Chief Swan, what brings you down here tonight," the nurse behind the desk asked as he entered the emergency room entrance.

"I'm here to talk to Dr. Cullen. I understand his wife was brought in," I stood before her and watched her expression falter. That couldn't be a good sign.

"Sure, let me go get him for you."

I walked over to the waiting area, surveyed the room then fixed myself a cup of coffee. It was hard and stale, but it would keep me alert.

"Chief Swan," I heard the nurse say as I turned to where she motioned me back through the doors.

"They are about to move her up to the ICU wing, Dr. Cullen asked me to bring you back here." We approached a closed door where she gave a soft knock.

Carlisle Cullen opened the door, thanked the nurse then nodded to me as he stepped back to allow me into the room.

"How is she?" I spoke low as we stood facing the bed where Esme Cullen was attached to more tubes and wires than I'd ever seen. She looked older than she had the last time I'd seen her, like she had lived a hundred years in her lifetime already. I couldn't imagine living through the pain that she'd endured the past few years, that's for sure.

Carlisle took a deep breath, exhaled and wiped his hand down his face. He too looked as though he'd aged well beyond his years. It made me realize that I probably didn't know the half of what I thought I knew about this family.

And, in a way, that scared the shit out of me.

"She's going to make it, we hope," his voice shaky, the words said wearily.

"What happened?" I said in my best, 'let's get down to business' voice. I knew this was a sensitive matter. But, I also had a job to do if foul play was involved.

He dropped his shoulders and stepped closer to the bed to take Esme's heavily bandaged hand in his.

Just then a tap on the door followed by Emmett Cullen's face as he pushed open the door, with Rosalie Hale standing behind him.

"We can't find him, Dad. I'm sorry," the oldest son of Dr. Cullen spoke, as they came completely into the room to stand on the other side of the hospital bed.

"Maybe Alice had some luck," Carlisle said then motioned for us to go out into the hall.

"I'll be right back, Emmett. I've got to talk to the Chief for a few minutes," his son nodded, as he understood enough to know what was going on.

We walked out into the hall where Carlisle opened a door to an empty conference room before motioning for me to walk ahead of him. He shut the door behind him and cleared his throat.

"What do you need to know Charlie?" his eyes almost pleading for me to go easy on him.

I ran a hand over my 'stache and shifted my feet, "I just need to know what happened, Carlisle."

He sighed and grabbed a chair to sit down in. I leaned back against the wall to face him.

"As you know, Esme has struggled since the accident a few years back. Apparently she had mixed her prescription meds with wine, I suspected this was happening. Every time I would confront her, it would just turn into a nasty fight. So, I stopped paying attention ...until today when I came home to find her in the bathtub, covered in bloody water ….she'd...she'd..." he broke down in a sob as I stood there and tried to remain unaffected by his emotions.

He wiped his face and sat up, "she'd slit her wrists. I don't know how long she'd been there when I found her but I don't suspect it was too long as her pulse was still there, but very weak."

"You don't have any reason to suspect foul play?" I questioned simply because my job required me too.

He looked at me, his eyes full of hurt, "No, Charlie, she did this to herself."

The long breath he released was heavy before he stood up and began to walk around to the windows that lined the wall.

"I called the ambulance, we revived her as best we could during the trip then she coded once we made it here. I called all of my children to get as quickly as possible, in case we lost her. But, as usual, we can't seem to find Edward."

He turned and looked at me, suddenly his face was full of rage.

"That little shit is never where he's supposed to be," he all but yelled before he pounded his fists on the back of a chair.

I let out the breath that I had been holding, "He's with Bella."

"Christ," his shoulders sagged and he looked completely defeated.

"Did you know that they'd been hanging out together?" I questioned, hoping that he could provide me some much needed answers.

He nodded his head, "Yes, I knew but I had forbid him to have anything to do with her. He's a fucking mess, Charlie. He'll only destroy her."

"I figured that's what you'd say. I'll see if I can find them. Go take care of your wife, I'll go search for the kids."

Somehow I had a feeling that there was a lot more going on in this situation than either of us knew.

Maybe it was about time that I figured it all out.

**A/n: Uh-Oh, sounds like the Chief's on to them….**

**Stay tuned my friends….it's really getting good;)**

**See ya next week or maybe sooner…I've managed to get quite a few chapter's banked so we MIGHT a BIG might, be back on 2 a week soon…..I hope.**

**See ya'll next week.**

**Kyla**


	36. Chapter 36

AWoC ch36

**A/N: TISSUE WARNING….jsyk**

**Much love to A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Cutestkidsmom, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong!**

**I wouldn't be able to do any of this without those ladies. They own me.**

**Now…let see what's going on with Edward and Bella…**

EPOV

I stepped out of the shower and dried off, listening for any sign that CP had woke up. I didn't hear anything other than her breathing and the beep from my phone alerting me that I had yet another message.

I lit a cigarette, grabbed my bag and pulled out a pair of sweats and boxers. I slipped them on, took a drag off my cigarette and sat in the chair at the little table beside the bed.

Caterpillar was beyond beautiful as she slept. I wondered what it would feel like to lay beside her, our bodies entwined, the heat from her skin comforting me.

I didn't want to think about anything but her nor did I want to do anything but make the both of us feel good.

We'd both had enough bad shit happen in our lives that we fucking deserved to feel fucking good about something for a change. And, I know that sliding my dick inside of her tight little body would definitely feel fucking fantastic if just kissing her affected me the way that it did.

My head was a fucking mess.

What the fuck am I thinking about this shit for?

This is my fucking Caterpillar for fuck's sake.

I cannot have sex with her. I just can't. Not that she'd even fucking let me anyway.

But, fuck me if I didn't want to.

"Edward?" I heard her small, raspy voice and it pulled me from my thoughts. I focused on her face to see her eyes opened and that worry line on her brow.

"Yeah CP, I'm here," my own voice rough when I spoke. I took a drag, letting the smoke surround me and looked at her again. Her eyes held something like worry and I hated it.

"Where are we?" She questioned and tried to sit up a little before she noticed the bottle of water I put on the bedside table. She nodded to it and I nodded back that she could have it.

"We're in Portland at a Holiday Inn." I replied and put out my cigarette.

The only light in the room was the small vanity light behind me, so she reached over to turn on the bedside lamp.

I looked down and closed my eyes as I heard her gasp.

I looked up at her as I watched her take me in, half naked. I think I saw a spark of lust cloud her eyes, momentarily before she pulled the blanket up a little higher on her chest.

"Did you shower?" CP diverted her eyes to take in the room, looking anywhere but at me.

Fuck, I know I'm hot but she was downright flustered.

"Do I need to put on a shirt Caterpillar?" I was teasing her and she knew it by throwing a pillow at me.

"Yes, please. I don't need to be looking at you like that, not when we're in this fucking mess that we're already in," and just like that, her voice dropped, she began to shake as she brought her knees up under the blanket to fold her arms around them.

She looked so tiny and young.

And so fucking beautiful it hurt my eyes ...and my dick.

"You hungry?" I asked, trying to alleviate the tension that suddenly surrounded us.

She shook her head.

I lit another cig and offered her one, she took it and I lit it for her. We sat there in silence, just smoking, but I could tell it was about to explode between us. There was just too much shit to deal with.

"What happened to you tonight?" her eyes watched me as I visibly tensed at her words.

"When we were at your house," she watched me take a drag off my cig and then release the smoke.

"Alice told me some news. Some really fucked up news." I flicked my ashes and looked down at my feet. I didn't want to talk about this, not really, but I knew she wouldn't let it go.

"What news?" I looked up to see her sit up taller against the headboard, legs out flat in front of her, eyes focused solely on me.

"My mom tried to kill herself. She's probably already dead." I heard Bella gasp and her hand flew to cover her mouth as words of exclamation flew out of it.

"You know what sucks the most about it, Bella? Seriously?" I felt my tears, those fucking tears, again down my cheek.

She shook her head at my question.

"I'll get blamed for this shit, just like always. I wasn't even there. I didn't fucking do anything but somehow, someway those fuckers will try and pin this all on me," I sobbed and I felt her wrap her arms around me as I enclosed her body in my own arms.

"They hate me, CP. They all fucking hate me. My family fucking hates me, and now my mom is probably dead. Just like my sisters that they fucking still blame me for murdering," I couldn't hold back, the words just kept pouring out of my mouth.

"Edward," she cooed in my ear, "No baby, none of this is your fault. You know that. I know that. And, I refuse to stand by and let them blame this on you. It isn't your fault." She continued to hold me and whisper in my ear as her fingers ran through my hair while her other hand caressed my back.

I pulled her tighter against me, my face in her chest and I cried, I cried tears for the past six years. I cried tears for all the hurt and pain that I'd felt. And, I cried because I was so fucking tired … tired of it all.

"Come lay down, baby, lie down and let me hold you," CP pulled back a little and tried to force me to look at her.

"Edward, come on, let's lay down. You are exhausted." I nodded and obeyed her, taking her hand and moving into the bed where she pulled back the blankets and let me slip in. She pulled me to her and I wrapped myself back around her.

Something changed in those moments between us, something infinitely different than I'd ever experienced before.

"I need you, Bella. I can't do this without you." my voice barely a whisper as she pulled my chin up so that our eyes met.

"I need you too, Edward," she whispered back before our lips touched. It was the softest, sweetest kiss that I'd ever had.

I didn't want it to end and I pulled her down so that I could hover over her, without any warning she wrapped her legs around my hips. The heat between us grew and before I knew what was happening we were somehow naked, grinding against one another and I was lost to it all.

I stopped, out of breath and put my forehead against hers.

"Caterpillar," I whimpered.

She nodded and kissed my lips.

"I want you, Edward," she replied with a small motion of her hips, upward.

I kissed her, passionately as I moved my hand down to my dick, knowing that once we crossed this moment, there was no going back.

I didn't care anymore.

She was mine and I needed to feel that she truly belonged to me.

"I don't have a condom with me, CP," I almost whined as she shook her head.

"I'm on the pill," her voice was breathy and I looked at her in shock. She shrugged then pulled my head back down to within an inch from hers.

I slowly inched my dick back into place, having raised up at her revelation of birth control.

"Go slow, Edward," she said just as I placed the tip at her entrance.

I looked down at her as I watched her wince the more I pushed forward.

"Fuck Caterpillar, are you …" I didn't want to say the word and kill this moment but I had to know for sure because it definitely felt like she was a virgin.

"Yes," she weakly replied but her eyes widen, "but, I want this. I want you."

Fuck, I've never fucked a virgin before and I didn't want to hurt her.

"Tell me if it hurts." I spoke quietly as I continued to move, my dick was swollen from her heat and the moment we were in, I had to move.

"It does but it's okay, you are kind of big," she said and I smirked.

I took a couple of short, slow strokes in and out before she relaxed a little. Her wetness coating my shaft as her walls softened as my rhythm increased, her back arched as I took one of her nipples in my mouth.

Our eyes stayed on each other, our bodies connected and my head was filled with ways that I planned to keep doing this to her again and again. I never wanted to lose this feeling. Even if it meant never being numb again.

This felt better than anything I could ever remember as her hands dug into my back, her feet pushing against my ass and her tongue wrapped around mine.

We both moaned and moved against the other.

This meant something.

This changed everything.

This was a new beginning … fuck the rest of the world.

My Caterpillar, she owned me, in this moment.

I knew that I would be a changed man because of this exact moment when I felt myself let it all go at the same time that she cried out my name. Her head tossed back, her eyes closed and a tear slipped down my cheek.

I saw it all.

Our beginning, our middle and our future...I only had to figure it out and help her see.

But how? I'd been so horrible to her. But she hadn't run away from me.

She'd seen me with that first little note...and I knew.

**A/N: Yeah…um…so, there's that…and, what exactly DOES he know? Hmmmm?**

**I'll just leave you with that little thought;)**

**REC:**

**My sweet friend, Rvrsong, has written this wonderful "Under My Skin" and all that's left is the EPI. She is a phenomenal writer and truly deserves more attention…if you so enjoy reading a new author as she starts out, give it a go. I promise you will NOT regret it!**

**Thank you for all the amazing reviews and feedback! I deeply appreciate everyone's support on this fic. I'm sorry that RL sucks all my time and I'm unable to reply but please know that I read, squeal and cherish every single review.**

**If you wanna play w/ me on FB, I'm KM Tok and my group is theonlykyla fanfiction. Come join me and say HI!**

**Kyla**


	37. Chapter 37

AWoC ch37

BPOV

He shivered as his whole body lay on top of mine and we both tried to get our breathing under control.

"Edward?" I whispered but he just shook his head against my chest.

I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping to calm him down and figure out what was wrong with him.

It took a few minutes of silence before it hit me completely.

I had sex.

I had sex with Edward Cullen.

I gave my virginity to Edward Cullen.

What the fuck is going on? This isn't like me. I don't do things impulsively or as spontaneous like this.

Fuck.

Charlie knows that I'm with Edward. He's going to know that we had sex; then he'll want to have the 'talk'.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked Edward after he'd been silent for far too long. It had started to make me think that I'd done something wrong.

He brought his head up so that he could look at me, his eyes as crystal clear as I'd ever seen them. But somehow I'd never seen a look like he gave me in that moment.

"I'm better than I've ever been, Bella," his voice was soft and intense; it caused me to shudder as he slowly moved up to touch his lips to mine.

His kiss was pure and it felt like something different.

I couldn't put my finger on it but I sensed calm emanating from Edward, it felt off or even strange because I'd only ever felt chaos coming from him.

It almost scared me with its intensity.

But, the butterflies in my stomach were all aflutter as he pulled back to rest his forehead against mine.

"Caterpillar," he whispered as he stared at me.

Again there was this look in his eyes. It was a vivid burning, like he'd discovered some great treasure or secret.

The sensation of hands on me, the rush of his breath on my skin, the realization that we were naked and entangled against one another … it made me feel overwhelmed.

The shrill of my cell phone forced both of us to jump with the intrusion inside our bubble.

"It's probably my dad," I managed to say while we both still shook.

He sat up, nodded and made his way to the bathroom while I searched for my phone.

I saw 'Charlie' on my screen as I pulled the phone up to my face to answer it.

I sat up, pulling the sheet higher under chin before I spoke, "Charlie?"

"Bella, I need to know where you and Edward are," his voice was rough, like he hadn't slept in a while.

"Portland," I answered with no elaboration.

He sighed heavily, "Where is he, let me talk to Edward."

"What? No way. We're fine, Charlie. You aren't going to yell at him. We've had a shitty night and neither of us is in the mood for any lectures." I didn't normally speak to my dad like that, but there was no way that I was going to let him loose on Edward, especially now.

He grumped and cleared his throat, "Young lady, you will let me speak to him. He needs to know what's going on with his family and what I expect for him in regards to your safety. Now, let me speak to him."

I hadn't expected my dad to speak so frank with me, but I knew that he meant business.

"Hold on, he's in the bathroom," I said and laid the phone down on the bed. I pulled the sheet around me as I stood up, walked to the bathroom door and knocked.

I heard the water turn off, obviously he'd taken a quick shower.

"Edward, Charlie wants to speak to you. He promised it wasn't to yell at you," I spoke quietly as I heard the door open.

There was half naked Edward, in nothing but a towel with water still glistening on his skin.

I felt my body react immediately.

He smirked as he caught me checking him out.

"Why don't you take a shower while I talk to him then we'll get something to eat, I'm fucking starving," he said, then gave me a quick kiss and left me to stand there, in a daze.

I didn't have any clean clothes or underwear, plus I wasn't sure that I wanted to wash the remnants of our first sexual experience off my skin. But, I figured that I needed to freshen up, especially if I wanted _that_ to happen again.

And, it would give me a few minutes to figure out what all had just happened between us.

I walked back into the room to pick up my t-shirt, bra and panties as Edward picked up the phone.

"Chief Swan," I heard him say.

I didn't want to eavesdrop but I really wanted to know what my dad was saying to him.

I saw a tear run down Edward's cheek so I sat down beside him and held his free hand in mine.

"I don't want to see her, sir," he replied to something that was said. I could hear mumbled sounds where dad was talking to him again.

"I understand all of that but it doesn't change my mind. It would do more harm than good to have me there, I assure you," he sounded defeated as he spoke.

It broke my heart, again.

"We're safe for now," he tensed as he talked and I assumed the conversation had now shifted.

"Yes Chief, I'll keep her safe," he pulled his hand out of mine and wrapped it around my back, holding me close to him.

I couldn't make out what Charlie was saying but it caused Edward's grip to get tighter against my body.

"What kind of deal?" The intensity on his face was hard and I knew that, whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

"No sir, I've never been inside your house. I don't know anything about any missing drugs." He spit the words out, defensively.

"No, until tonight, I don't think that Riley ever knew about Bella and I being friends. Did he see us?" Edward's fingers spread and dug into my side, the tips of his fingers held me firmly.

"Fuck," he sighed as he listened.

"We're fucked unless I help you, huh?" His voice sounded deflated but I watched his face for any sign of what was being discussed.

"Hold on a second, Chief," he put the phone down and covered it to hide what he was about to say.

"Baby, go take a shower. We'll talk about this after I'm off the phone," his eyes looked into mine, fiercely.

"Fine, but I want to know whatever the hell the two of you are talking about, understand?" I meant it and he knew it.

He nodded, pecked my lips and pushed me to get up so I could go to the bathroom.

He didn't start to speak again until I had shut the door behind me.

Fuck.

Were we ever going to just have it easy or normal?

I was a bundle of nerves, full of anxiety and ecstatic about the events that had transpired.

This was the most chaotic forty-eight hours of my life and it all involved him.

But, I honestly don't think I would have changed a single minute of it, because it had all included Edward.

Something had definitely changed between us, connected us even more, and I just hoped that I would be strong enough to help us both make it through all of this emotionally intact.

I had to be strong enough … he felt like my entire world now.

And, I liked that feeling.

* * *

**Hi all! This is RvrSong... posting on behalf of our VERY busy girl, Kyla ... :)**

**What an awesome chapter! But somehow I believe we haven't reached the apex of this roller coaster yet...**

**As always, Kyla would like to thank her fantastic Team, A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Cutestkidsmom and Pates Greeneyes. **

******Don't forget, you can find Kyla on FB, as KM Tok and her group is theonlykyla fanfiction. **

**Another update next week - please post reviews and love!**


	38. Chapter 38

AWoC ch38

**A/N: HUGE THANK YOU to Rvrsong for updating for me last week.**

**My team is amazing (although this ch isn't beta'd due to my neglect) but A Jasper For Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Cutestkidsmom and my soul sistah, Rvrsong…..I couldn't do this without all of you.**

**ENJOY! TISSUE WARNING…**

EPOV

I got off the phone with Charlie and I felt nausea settle in my belly.

I was going to have to bring Riley down. Plain and simple, I didn't have a choice.

We were in deep shit and I was suddenly fearful of what was going to happen if Charlie's plan didn't work out.

And, I was terrified of how Caterpillar was going to react to what Charlie and I had agreed upon. I had to protect her at all costs. I just hoped at the end of it all we were both still alive.

Fuck.

I ran a hand through my hair, lit a cigarette and started to pace.

Fuck my life.

Everything no everyone that I come in contact with either gets fucked over or winds up dead. What makes me think that CP will come out of this any better?

Maybe I should just leave her now, let her go on with her life, without the chaos that my life has brought into hers.

But the thought of walking away from her, especially now that I've felt how she makes me feel … fuck, I'm a pussy.

I heard the water shut off in the bathroom and I knew that the inquisition was about to start. I had to figure out what exactly to say to her.

I needed a fucking drink.

I needed a hit of something.

I grabbed my xanax bottle out of my bag and popped two of them fuckers and swallowed them dry.

My throat felt like the Sahara desert.

The bathroom door opened and Bella walked out wrapped in nothing but a towel, her hair still wet spun up on top of her head.

"I need clean clothes," I swallowed heavily at the sight of her and then nodded before reaching for a shirt and a pair of sweats out of my bag.

"They'll be big but their clean," I laid them on the bed beside me, watching her as she moved to pick them up. Her eyes narrowed at me as I felt the panic rising up inside of me.

I can't do this. I won't be able to do this. I'm such a fuck up, I'm going to get this girl killed. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

I looked away from her to stare out the window only to hear her sigh and then the sound of the bathroom door closing behind her.

A few minutes later I felt the bed dip beside me as she sat beside me. The heat of her body set my mind into a swirl of thoughts.

"What did you and Charlie talk about?" Her voice was flat and I could feel that she was trying to be calm, but neither of us could be calm about any of this.

"We figured out how to protect you and bring Riley down, so that you stay safe." My voice cracked a little as I spoke.

"And what about you, how are you going to stay safe?" I turned to look at her with an overwhelming feeling of surprise.

"My safety isn't a concern no one worries about my safety." I shrugged and tried to play it off. She grabbed my arm and tugged me towards her so that I was forced to see her face.

"I care you shit, I fucking care." She stood up and moved right in front of me.

"Didn't that," she gestured toward the bed, "doesn't this" she gestured toward her heart, "doesn't anything between us make you see or feel how much that I fucking care?" Her voice had raised a few octaves and my mind was screaming at me to lash out, to explode, to show her that she didn't matter.

But, anger ran through me; anger that she cared, that I allowed her into my life so I was now fucked up in the mess.

"Caterpillar," I said through gritted teeth.

"I won't give up on you," she yelled at me and grabbed my chin.

The look of determination in her face, the set of her jaw, she was hurt and mad at me.

"You can't get hurt, CP, don't you understand? I'm disposable. You aren't." I said and pushed her away from me so that I could stand. I walked over to the table, grabbed the empty flask and shook it. Fuck, I needed a drink but the other bottles were downstairs in the car.

"Edward fucking Cullen, you listen to me right the fuck now," she yelled at my back and I knew that she was standing inches behind me.

"What? This isn't up for debate CP," I sat down at the table, grabbed a smoke and lit it.

"What isn't up for debate? We're together, we're a couple, hell you fucking took my virginity, Edward." Her eyes hard and wet stared into mine.

"That was a mistake, CP, we shouldn't have done that. You're confused about me. I'm no good. Really CP did you think it would be all sunshine and roses now? That a little pussy would magically cure me?" I knew my words were harsh and it hurt to say them, but I had to make her see that I wasn't worth her risking her safety.

I had a job to do.

I had to protect her.

The tears on her cheek lead me to believe that I had accomplished hurting her.

What I didn't expect was the slap across my face.

It hurt.

My skin was on fire as I blinked at her.

"I won't let you push me away, you prick. I fucking care about you. I fucking see your ass and I will not let you do this. I'm not your fucking family or any of those other assholes you've been hurt by. It's me, Caterpillar, fucking Bella, Edward …" her eyes were on fire as she spoke and I felt the drugs I'd taken relax my entire body just as her words cut through my heart.

She knew.

She knew how I felt. She knew what I'd seen.

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward," she grabbed me and pulled us into a half hug as I was sitting. I nuzzled against her neck and felt the tears fall as I wrapped my arms tight around her.

"I won't leave you, Edward." Caterpillar's voice spoke soft into my ear as we clung to one another.

"I don't want to lose you. I have to keep you safe," I cried and felt her move to sit on my lap.

"We'll stay safe, together," she said as our eyes met.

Safe wasn't something I was sure that we'd ever be.

**A/N: *sighs* Yeah, I cried too.**

**Sorry this was a shorter chapter but it was necessary to cut it off where it ended…**

**Good news: I am about to have a LOT more free time on my hands, which can only mean ONE THING: MORE TIME TO WRITE**

**YAY! That makes me super happy as I HATE only posting once a week, trust me, I sincerely do.**

**And, I'm hoping to jump back into working on my next fic AND a few that I've left ya'll hanging on to for a while (whispers ENTITLED)…..**

**So, THANK YOU all for your support, encouragement and loyalty while I had to deal w/ RL time constraints.**

**See ya next week.**

**Kyla**


	39. Chapter 39

AWoC ch39

**A/n: Welcome new readers….and to those of you that have reviewed telling me that you stayed up all night reading to get caught up….I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. I'm so fail at being able to reply, but please know and trust that I read them, crying sometimes, squealing others…and I am deeply humbled and grateful for all of you that read my words. **

**I have to give a huge shout out to Heather York…she is simply AMAZING. And, she does soooo much to get the word out about fics…THANK YOU Heather;)**

**Thanks and love to my team: A Jasper for Me (who I unfortunately didn't get this ch to in time to beta it) ; Eternally Edward's girl – my muse; Pates Green Eyes – you've become my touchstone in life; Rvrsong – you ARE my life line and the world simply MUST learn of your brilliance. LOVE YOU ALL.**

**Now…let's check in on these broken kiddos.**

BPOV

After we had our fight slash breakdown, we laid on the bed, our arms wrapped around one another, the silence filling the space around us.

I was in love with Edward.

I knew it and I couldn't fight it any longer.

Charlie would just have to accept it.

Hell, Edward would have to accept it.

I know that he loves me, I felt it and I saw it in the way he touched me, held me, looked at me while he made love to me.

I may be some lust filled teenage girl, but I know love when I feel it and this is love. Not the fleeting the young love either. This is a once in a lifetime love.

"Edward, tell me about the plans you made with Charlie," I spoke softly as I ran my fingers across his scalp where my hand was slowing moving through his soft as silk locks.

He let out a long sigh and turned to face me, I could see the fear written all over his face.

"I had to make a promise to your dad to bring Riley down. I have to set him up so that Charlie can bust him, but it can't be a small time bust. I have to somehow get to Riley at his warehouse."

I felt the tears spring to my eyes as I listened to him.

"What about me? Wouldn't it be easier to let me trap Riley?" The thought of what I actually said scared the shit out of me, but I would do it, if it meant keeping my dad and Edward safe.

He vehemently shook his head and grabbed me tighter against him, his voice scary low, "No, CP, no way are you going to that warehouse or anywhere near Riley for that matter!"

He pushed me flat on my back and hovered over me, his eyes holding mine.

I felt his heart beating against my chest as he lowered himself to his elbows on either side of my head.

"Bella, this is serious. You know Riley isn't good. He WILL hurt you if he finds you and I can't let that happen." He brought his lips down to tenderly touch mine.

It didn't take long before the passion between us grew and we were naked once again.

This time, when he touched me, moved over me, slid into me, it was different. It was like we were both on fire; unable to quench the flames that pushed us together and threatened to pull us apart.

"Caterpillar," he whispered, heavily in my ear while he pushed hard inside of me.

It felt so good to feel him this way. I knew now we'd had sex, we were connected in a way I don't think either of us had ever felt.

His mouth kissed down my neck, across my collarbone just before he sucked my nipple between his teeth.

"Fuck," I squeaked as I moved my body in an arch to feel more of that. My legs squeezed tighter against his hips and my fingers scratched up and down his back, holding him to me.

He moaned as his strokes slowed and moved his head up to look me in the eyes.

"Do you feel that CP? Do you feel how good this feels?"

I nodded my head, unable to speak but my eyes locked with his had to show I felt it too.

"What are you doing to me?" his lips touched mine and he slid his fingers thru mine before raising my hands over my head.

"I've never felt anything that makes me feel this total … this complete."

His eyes bore into mine, " Never Bella."

I pushed my neck up so that my lips could brush against his.

"I know, I feel it too," I admitted between pecks.

"It should be too much, but, it feels too good to mean anything bad, right?" his fearful eyes questioned me as I tightened my grip around his body with my legs.

"It is good," our lips crashed together and before I knew it we were both sweating, and that feeling of total euphoria washed over me.

We lay there, his head on my chest, trying to catch our breath and I wished that we could stay just like this in our little bubble.

I waited until I felt his breaths slow and his weight grew heavier on top of me, I knew he was almost asleep.

"What's our plan, baby?" I whispered just before I kissed the top of head.

He moaned and then shifted slightly to the side so that we were laying half off and half on top of each other.

"Caterpillar, we have to go back to town soon, but when we do you'll be staying at my house with me. Charlie suggested it and he's going to make sure that we'll be safe there. My dad, Emmett and Alice are all at the hospital with my mom, so we'll be alone there." His voice was rough from lack of sleep and I sensed how tired he really was emotionally, as well.

"Edward, don't you want to see your mom?" I asked as my hand made another pass through his hair.

He sighed heavily and sat up to grab a smoke, he offered me one but I declined and just laid there; watching and waiting for him to open up to me again.

"CP, I gave up on my mom when she gave up on me. It kills me that she's done what she did, but there's nothing that I can do to fix it, ya know?" His eyes darted to mine then back down to the blanket he'd pulled over his lap.

"I'm sorry," was all that I could say.

We let the silence ramble around us for a while before I sat up and moved next to him, missing the warmth of his body next to mine. However, my self-consciousness got the best of me and I pulled the sheet up around me.

"Caterpillar, why do you do that?" his voice was low, next to my ear.

I just shook my head and looked down to my hands.

"You still don't see, do you?" he asked softly before he kissed just behind my ear.

I shook my head again, as I felt the tears form in my eyes.

"You are so beautiful, one day you will see," Edward's voice rumbled through me and I felt myself shiver, not only from his breath on my neck but the emotions of his words.

I looked up at him as our lips touched and I knew that nothing would ever be the same between us again. No matter how much he hurt me or drove me crazy, this boy was the man of my dreams.

Somehow, someway we had to figure this all out and make it through the tangled web of chaos that we'd gotten ourselves into.

"We have to go soon. Charlie will be expecting us." Edward pulled away from me to stand off the side of the bed.

"I know. But, I'm hungry, let's grab something to eat first, okay?" I was sad that our time here was over. I was afraid of what we were going home too.

And, if I was being honest, I was worried that once we left here the mean, angry boy from not so long ago would reappear.

We both moved around the room, gathering up the little bits of things that we'd had strewn all over.

He closed the door behind us, grabbed my hand and walked us to the car.

"CP," he said hesitantly once we were both in the car, "promise me that you will listen to me and not do anything stupid. I don't want to be the one responsible for something bad happening to you."

Edward's eyes were more fearful than I'd ever seen as he spoke to me. I reached up and cupped his chin with my hands.

"I promise, as long as you promise me the same in return," I felt my tears well up again.

"CP, there's just … this just," he sighed and moved closer to me, his breath on my cheek making me shake inside.

"I've lost so much already. I've caused so much damage to everyone who once loved me. If something happened to you, too," he paused and closed his eyes.

When he opened them, they were wet with his own tears.

Our foreheads touched for a moment then he sighed, "It's too big of a price to pay." He then nodded and moved back to where my hand was no longer touching his face

As we sped through town, the knot grew bigger in my stomach. But, his hand hadn't left mine, and right now, that's all that mattered.

**A/N: So…they have a bit of a plan. We'll have to see how it all plays out. **

**This week our country has once again faced the devastation of mother nature. For those interested several of us have put together a fundraiser/compilation/contribution for those effected by the tornados in Oklahoma. Please visit the website and help, in some way, if you can!**

** or visit our group on fb fandom4oklahoma**

**See ya next week,**

**kyla**


	40. Chapter 40

**AWoC ch40**

**A/n: Hello again, my lovely readers! It seems a few of you were a little on edge after the last chapter…and I don't blame you**

**Thank you and much love to my birthday girl beta, A Jasper For Me! You rock my sweet friend.**

**As always my love and appreciation to my team, Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. **

**This may not be the chapter you wanted and/or expected…but it's necessary.**

**Enjoy!**

**Charlie POV**

I sat parked in the bushes surrounding the Cullen house, waiting, watching, needing a sign that my Bella was safe.

Regardless of how I felt about Edward Cullen, he'd protected her and kept her safe for the past forty-eight hours. I owed him for that, at least.

How we'd all gotten into this mess was beyond me, but I was more determined than ever to make it right.

Edward sounded responsive to my plan when we spoke on the phone this morning. I just hoped whatever was medically wrong with him didn't interfere with our plans.

I knew the boy had been into some trouble with his behavior and he'd been diagnosed with some mental illness. But, as he'd never gotten into trouble with the law, I stayed out of his family's business.

However, I needed to talk to Dr. Cullen, find out the status on his wife and let him know I would have the kids on lockdown at his house.

While I waited for Edward and Bella, I called Carlisle's cell.

"Hello?" A tired sounding Dr. Cullen answered.

"Carlisle, it's Charlie. What's the status on Esme?" I didn't feel like beating around the bush, getting straight to the heart of the matter.

He sighed heavily and his voice cracked as he spoke, "She's going to make it but I'm afraid she's not much better than she was, Chief."

I felt for the guy, his wife wasn't near the woman she once was and this had to weigh heavily on him. I remembered how it felt when Renee left me and that was nowhere near the severity of this.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that she's going to make it." I paused, unsure of how to have this conversation with him. "Listen Carlisle, there's been a recent development and I'm going to have Bella stay at your house with Edward. He's actually going to be helping me with something and I needed some place out of the way for them to stay where I could keep an eye on them."

I hoped that he was too involved with the hospital business to start asking a lot of questions.

"Is Edward in trouble? Has he caused something?" His voice sounded full of more weary than before.

"No, nothing like that Carlisle, just something he's aware of and has agreed to help me." I saw headlights coming up the road and let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

"Well, as long as you're okay with whatever it is, I'd appreciate your keeping him out of trouble. I'm afraid with all that's been going on, I just haven't had time to deal with him. And, of course he hasn't made the effort to come see him mother or even call in to check on things." His exasperated sigh kind of pissed me off.

His son was in trouble and somehow I got the sense that he couldn't be bothered with helping him out. I'd move heaven and earth to save my daughter, but I guess until I'd walked in his shoes I wouldn't know the extent of what really happened within their family.

"I'll keep an eye on him, I promise. Just wanted to give you a heads up that they'll be staying at your place for a bit." I sat up and watched as Edward's car turned into the drive and drove up towards the house.

"That's fine. I'm sure at some point we'll be home to shower and change, we can catch up then, I suppose." I heard a door open and someone started to speak.

"I've got to go, Charlie. We'll talk later. Thanks for the call." And with that, the line disconnected.

I turned my phone off and shut off the car before I got out and walked toward the Cullen mansion just as the kids were getting out of the car.

"Bella?" I called as they both stopped and turned. The next thing I knew, my daughter came flying across the yard into my arms.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy," she cried as I held her. She was safe.

Now, we just had to keep her that way.

An hour later, sitting around the Cullen's dining room table, we discussed what the plans for the next few days would be. Bella wasn't happy with my proposal of using Edward as a decoy but there was no way in hell that either Edward or I would allow Bella to take that role. It was simply too risky.

"So, let me get this straight," Bella started for the fifth time as I took another drink of coffee.

"Edward is going to pretend to need a big buy, telling Riley he's going on a trip and needs the stash for the road. He's going to wear a wire, get into the warehouse and make the purchase. Then once he leaves, your force is going to bust in and arrest him?" Her eyebrow quirked at me as she finished speaking, sitting back in her chair with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Pretty much," I confirmed and looked between the two of them. I could tell there was more between them than friendship. The way they leaned into one another, the small touches between them and the simple way they looked at each other.

Fuck, my daughter was in love … and I'd let her spend the night in a hotel with the boy.

Suddenly a drug bust didn't seem all that important.

"Are you sleeping with my daughter?" I burst with anger.

Edward froze and looked down at the table.

Bella screamed, "DAD!" and turned beet red.

"It's a simple question, you are both only sixteen years old. For the love of God, tell me you at least used protection!" I ran a hand through my moustache, trying to figure out how I could let this happen.

And now I had them holed up in this big house alone with me having to hide outside. There was no way I could stop this.

"Charlie!" Bella yelled at me and I snapped my eyes to hers. "This isn't the time or the place, not that our business is any of yours."

"It most certainly is, young lady. You are a minor, I could arrest him." Edward's eyes looked up at me with complete fear on his face.

"You will do no such thing. Besides if you do that, who's going to save both our asses?" Her bitch brow quirked at me and suddenly I felt nauseous.

"You don't know what you're talking about." I challenged.

"I know you had drugs hidden in the house. I know you have been making large cash deposits into the bank. I know all I need to know." Bella spoke to me with anger and rage, her eyes boring into mine.

I sighed in defeat.

"I won't hurt her, Chief." Edward's voice, soft and smooth, caused both Bella and I to look at him.

I sighed again and nodded at him. Then I watched the two of them lock eyes and I knew it was hopeless to even try to keep them apart.

"When this is all said and done, Bella, you're going to rehab. You know the addictions that plague your mom. I won't have you going down the same road." She started to protest but I threw up my hand.

"And you, Cullen, the same fate awaits you too. I won't have my daughter mixed up with a user." His eyes went wide as he heard what I said.

We sat in silence for a few minutes and before I knew it, the time to put our plan into action had come.

"Edward, it's time to make the call." I watched as he looked to Bella, kissed her forehead and then pulled out his cell phone.

This moment would weigh on me for the rest of my life, I just knew it.

**Riley POV**

I may be a lot of things but stupid wasn't one of them. I knew that dirty cop, Charlie, had alerted Cullen and that little bitch about my warning. They were hiding out and he was helping them.

I'd deal with him later. But for now, I was tailing his ass. Where he was, those two punks were sure to be soon, if they weren't already hiding somewhere.

I watched from the dark road as Chief Swan pulled into a grove outside the turn off toward the Cullen house.

I'd wait for my chance, and then they'd all pay for fucking me over.

Once and for all.

**A/N: I don't know about ya'll but Riley scares the piss outta me and my beta;)**

**Recs that are owning me atm:**

**Hard to Love by Drotuno – this story will grip you tight from the get go….and it's simply amazing. I relish every word that she writes but this fic…yeah, it's just to good to pass up!**

**Cuffs by Chanse Lowell – a rare change of BDSM – if ya'll are like me, you've gotten a bit burnt out on this genre. But, this is a different and refreshing taste of it. Possessiveward and Gracefulella….perfect.**

**Zealot by Just Robin – a creepy look into a dark and mysterious E….with a version of Bella that's a little different. Drabblish and posts pretty much daily.**

**Pieces of Me by JustForkit – so, so, so good…..it held me from the get go.**

**I love finding and reading newer, lessor known authors….so, if you know of any, send me rec's peeps. Even if it's your own! **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing, especially all those new ones that have filled my inbox this week!**

**Kyla**


	41. Chapter 41

AWoC Ch41

**A/N: So, I need to warn you….this chapter is rough, and I do mean that shit goes down rough … big girl panties on, okay?**

**Much love and devotion to A Jasper For Me and her mad beta skills. Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong – I couldn't do this without all of you holding my hands.  
Special shout out to Heather A for her help with the medical stuff;) LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Um….see you at the bottom (buckle in)…..**

Riley POV

I watched from my perch in the trees as Charlie left his hiding spot in the thick cover of forest. I knew that left only Bella and Cullen in the house. No one else had been here in days.

I hoped and prayed that little fucker suffered great pain by my hands, especially since I'd had to motherfucking rough it out here waiting on my opportunity to get my revenge.

Finally, I see him leave the house, sit in his car for a few minutes then pull out. Now was the perfect time for me to go pay that sweet little Bella a visit.

I'd show her exactly what she was missing out on, reminding her she belonged to me.

EPOV

Two motherfucking days and nothing on Riley; I was getting sick of this shit. The asshole wouldn't answer his cell, no one ever answered the door at the warehouse and his house was like a ghost town.

I was beginning to get fucking worried this would never end.

I could just imagine Bella and I having to go into the Witness Protection program, moving across the country and leaving Forks behind. It actually didn't sound like a bad idea.

I knew she would never leave her dad behind though. I suppose it was a good thing for at least one of us to have a parent involved in our lives.

Emmett had been texting me updates on Esme. I guess she's going to live, although I don't think she considers herself alive anymore. They should have let her die. She was basically dead to me a long time ago. I knew no matter what came of my life, she would never be a part of it.

I'd never admit it to anyone, well, my Caterpillar, but that shit still hurt to think about. Mothers aren't supposed to be that way to their children, are they?

I shook my head to clear those thoughts. I didn't have time for that sappy shit.

Fuck, I needed to get high and drunk. But, knowing the Chief was watching us like a hawk, I knew it wasn't a good idea. Just like I hadn't laid a hand on CP, much to her unhappiness; but until this was over, I had no choice.

No way was I going to be sticking my dick in that her honey knowing the fucking Chief of Police is hiding outside and could bust in on us at any moment. Those thoughts kept my dick flaccid in thought alone.

"I'm heading out again, CP." I called through the door to the bedroom where I knew she was curled up on my bed reading. Fuck, she looked good in my bed.

Her eyes met mine in an instant.

"Again?" I could hear her fear and sense her worry in those beautiful brown eyes.

I nodded and patted down my pockets for my smokes and cell.

She reached over to the bedside table and grabbed my cell to toss at me.

"Promise you'll be careful," she scooted to the side of the bed to stand up and face me.

"I promise," I stepped toward her hesitantly and brought my hand to her cheek.

"Kiss me ... please," she pled, as I noticed a tear run down her cheek.

We knew we were skirting on the edge of something; danger, a cliff, a precipice of something unknown. I felt it and I knew damn well she felt it by the look in her eyes.

I lowered my head to where my lips touched her with the slightest touch of skin, before I felt the tip of her tongue at my mouth. I opened my mouth slightly before she pushed her tongue into mine, our hands grasped around the other's body, holding on as tight as we could.

All I could feel was this overwhelming sense of Caterpillar; filling me whole, making me complete, owning me in every way.

I pulled back, in need of a breath, our foreheads rested against the other.

"I have to go," I needed to get out of the CP cloud I was in, clear my head and finish this job.

"Be safe," was all I heard as I walked out the bedroom door, having left her standing there out of breath.

I got into my car, cranked up the stereo, not even noticing what was blaring through the speakers.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I said to no one, wishing for once there was someone I could rely on to talk to about my life.

I lit a cig, pulled out of the driveway and started the journey towards Port Angeles to Riley's warehouse once again. I watched the rearview for a sign of headlights but there were none. I turned down the stereo, turned on my cell and called Charlie.

"Hey Chief," I said when he answered, "I'm heading back to PA."

"He's not there, Edward. I've got guys watching for any sign of him to alert us. He hasn't been there for days. I'm afraid he's left town," he said with a sigh of defeat. We both knew that until Riley was in jail neither Bella or I would be safe.

"I'll grab some food and head back home then." I replied and made to turn the car back towards town.

"What? You aren't at the house?" Charlie's voice raised and scared me.

"Um, no, I was already heading out of town." I answered, uncertain of why he was freaked out.

"Fuck, Cullen, I'm at the station. No one's watching the house. Bella's alone."

"SHIT!" I yelled and slammed my free hand against the steering wheel.

"I'm heading home now," I screamed and ended the call.

I sped through town, hoping and praying CP was safe.

Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the driveway and felt my stomach drop.

Riley's car was in the drive.

I looked towards the door as I yanked the car to a stop, threw open the door and saw Riley on the porch, CP on her knees with his hand holding her up by her hair.

Tears streaked her face as she cried and looked at me with terror in her eyes.

"Let her go!" I screamed and tried to figure out how to get out of this with both of us alive.

He laughed maniacally, before he yanked her forward, dragging her across the porch, "She's mine, Cullen. You shouldn't have gotten involved with something like this. You know better than to touch something that belongs to me, especially without my permission." His eyes narrowed and I saw him push her back and step toward me.

I was worried he was going to pull a gun on me but so far he hadn't, maybe I could punch him out and we could escape.

Caterpillar was crying and I could see a bruise on her cheek, "Did he hurt you?" I yelled as I tried to step toward her but Riley stepped in front of her.

I bowed up to him, "You don't scare me, asshole, and she doesn't belong to you. She never did."

"No, see, that's where you're wrong. She's been mine all along. I just let you think you could have her. I knew the moment I laid eyes on that sweet little ass of hers she would be mine." Riley flicked his wrist and then I saw it ... a knife.

I lunged forward to try and knock it out of his hand, my fist connecting with his jaw before he tried to stab me in the side. I managed to move just in time but he grabbed me as I twisted away from his hold.

I heard Bella screaming in the background, pleading with him not to hurt me, but I knew if I didn't get him unarmed, he'd kill both of us.

Riley pulled me back around and punched me in the gut, as I bent forward, I grabbed for the knife, slicing my hand in the process.

"Little fucker, I will kill you." He screamed as he kicked me and I fell to my knees. I was out of breath and knew I had to get up quick. I made to get up just as I felt the knife slice through my thigh, the pain instantly seizing my leg and I fell back to my knees awkwardly.

In the moment of chaos, Bella screamed a sound of sheer terror, a shot rang out and I felt a heavy weight force me to the ground, the pain radiating through my whole body.

"NO!" I heard CP scream and the next thing I knew Charlie was lifting a bleeding Riley off me. I felt Caterpillar touch my cheek, her tears falling on my face.

Her voice tried to comfort me and reassure me I'd be okay.

Then it all went black.

**A/n: I'm not one to normally leave cliffies…and with that said, I WILL post another update on either Friday or Saturday.**

**Thoughts?**

**Fears?**

**Worries?**

**Yeah, you should all have them;( Cuz I do;(**

**Don't forget those effected by the recent rounds of storms…come donate or contribute**

**Fandom4Oklahoma**

**Join me on FB, I'm KM Tok or in my group, theonlykyla fanfiction ….**

**Kyla**


	42. Chapter 42

AWoC ch42

**A/N: Simply because I couldn't make you all wait a week … so many of you have been clinging to the edge of your seats long enough;)**

**LOVE to A Jasper For Me for the spectacular beta'ing for this ch. She truly added some depth that's for sure. And, to my pre-readers Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Green eyes and Rvrsong…this wouldn't be what it is without any of you. And, special thanks for medical help, Heather A. LOVE YA'LL.**

**Tissue warning…hold on. And….GO READ!**

BPOV

"Charlie, help him!" I was hysterically screaming, watching the blood pour out of Edward's leg.

I heard my dad talking but it was like white noise in my ears as I watched Edward's eyes close. I couldn't stop my tears while I held him.

I pulled off my jacket and tried to tie it around his leg, but I wasn't sure if I was hurting him or not. I could barely see through my tears but I couldn't let him die. He tried to save me. He did save me. In more ways than I think he even realized.

I just hoped I could finally save him.

I needed him like I needed the air to breathe.

"Bella, the ambulance is on the way. Tie that belt off and I'll put pressure on it to try and stop the bleeding." Charlie's voice full of authority and calm, helping to get me focused on what we needed to do.

The distant roar of police cars and the ambulance sirens blared through the trees and I sobbed again. I couldn't lose him, we had to make sure he lived, at all costs.

And just like that, everything began to happen at once; police cars pulled up on the gravel, sending rocks flying at us, the ambulance emptied of EMT's and chaos appeared to ensue around me as I sat there, my eyes never leaving Edward's limp body.

Words soared around me in loud voices and urgent calls of orders all the while I sat there, hands wrapped around my knees, holding myself together as my tears covered my dirty jeans.

My whole world consisted of this broken boy lying there bleeding to death.

"He's lost a lot of blood," someone yelled as needles, bandages and machines were strewn about on the lawn, where the only person that mattered lay, unconscious and unknowing.

"He'll be okay, Bella," I heard Charlie say as he pulled me up off the ground and looked me over.

"That bastard hurt you?" His eyes examining my face, his fingers minutely grazing where Riley had punched me, back-handed me, threw me around by my hair.

I nodded as I tried to see around him to watch what they were doing to my Edward.

"We need to get you checked out," he ordered, then called an EMT over to examine me.

An hour later, I laid on the gurney of the Emergency Room at Forks General Hospital, thoroughly examined, waiting to hear word of Edward's condition.

Riley was dead.

My dad had shot and killed him.

Thank goodness he got there when he did or who knows what would have happened.

Dr. Cullen walked into my room and it scared me as he picked up my chart, reading through it before looking up at me.

"Thank you, Bella," his voice was almost a whisper.

I laid there, perplexed at his words.

"For what?" I returned quietly.

It was as if both of us were afraid to disrupt the uncomfortable silence around us.

"For saving my son when I couldn't ... or didn't." He said with an utter sigh of defeat.

"I love my son, and I almost lost him for good." His shoulders sagged, his sob ripped from him as he grabbed the mattress beside me, barely sitting on the edge before he fell to the ground.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around him.

"You have to tell him, Dr. Cullen. You have to save him before we both lose him." I declared through my own tears.

We held each other and cried.

Cried for all this family had lost.

Cried for all they stood to gain.

Cried for the love that still lingered underneath all of their pain.

"You really care about him?" His eyes pulled mine up to meet his.

I nodded and wiped my cheeks from the wetness gathered there.

"He saved you?" His eyes once again questioning me.

I nodded again.

"You love him?" His words barely a whisper as he watched me nod and then another sob came out of his mouth.

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you for giving me the chance to make it right for my boy. When I couldn't save anyone else, thank you for saving him." Carlisle was an old man in that moment, hollowed by the pain that had consumed his life, his wife's life, his whole damn family.

"He deserves to be loved," I said just as the door opened and my dad and another doctor walked in.

"We're taking him into surgery now. He's lost a lot of blood but we have to repair the artery before we can assess any further damage." The doctor spoke to Carlisle as I saw my dad watch the two of us as we released our embrace.

"Thank you Dr. Gerandy, we'll be here when he's out of the OR." Dr. Cullen once again resurfaced as a professional and strong man.

The silence engulfed the room as the doctor left and only Charlie, Carlisle and myself remained.

"Emmett would like to talk to you, Bella." Carlisle said as he stood to make his way towards the door.

"Why?" I questioned, uncertain of Emmett's motive. I wasn't in the mood for any of his unwanted advances at the moment.

"Just give him a chance to explain, Bella dear. I think you'll find things aren't what you think." His eyes plead with me and Charlie gruffed before he sat in the chair beside me.

"I'm not leaving, Bella," Charlie spoke up and I nodded to Dr. Cullen.

"Please let me know if you hear anything about Edward," I said just as he opened the door and nodded at me in response.

"Bella, the guys need your statement if you're up to it." Charlie spoke and I nodded as I laid back down and shut my eyes.

I was so tired. I just wanted to go to sleep and dream of the hotel room where Edward and I were alone, in the quiet of our bubble. Just us.

I remember the feeling of Edward's body weight on top of mine, the feel of his touch as his hands held me as his body moved inside of mine.

I remember the look of his eyes as we moved together. As each of us were pushed to the edge of bliss. I remember the tenderness in how he held me, the depth of which he forced his body into mine with a sense of claim.

He did have a claim on me then, now, always.

I knew if he made it through this, we had a long way to go, a journey ahead of us that would never be easy, but one I hoped and prayed he was willing to make with me.

Because I honestly didn't know that I could make it without him now.

**A/n: I know that some of you want more details…and trust me you WILL get them, it just wasn't the time for it. It'll all come out, I promise.**

**So … how you feeling about Carlisle now? Has he changed your mind about him? And, what's up w/ Emmett?**

**Stay tuned, it's just starting to get fun.**

**See ya'll next Wednesday.**

**Peace and Love,**

**Kyla**


	43. Chapter 43

AWoC ch43

**A/N: Welcome back my lovelies! New readers and faithful followers alike;)**

**To my team: I love ya'll and how much you love these babies like I do!**

**Readers: Some of you have mentioned that "the worst is over" or "the angst is almost done" - I hate to burst ya'll bubble but these 2 have a lot of life to deal with…and I'm not going to just 'glaze' over that part of their lives. So, while some angst might be over, this story is marked as so for a reason. I will give these 2 the justice they deserve in 'getting there'.**

**Now…who's ready to check on Edward?**

BPOV

"Bella, wake up baby girl," I heard Charlie's voice as I struggled to stay within the darkness of sleep. It was soft and comfortable there but he kept calling me.

"Bella, if you don't wake up, you won't get to see Edward," that did it as my eyes shot open.

"He's okay?" my voice cracked, still laden with my deep slumber.

He shrugged, "Don't know all the details, but he's out of surgery. Dr. Cullen said you could go in to see him in recovery if you were up to it."

"I'm up to it, just let me go to the bathroom first," I made to sit up and instantly felt the strain from every touch of Riley's hands.

Everything was tender, screaming with stiffness and tight muscles refusing to loosen with my slow movements.

"You okay?" Charlie questioned as I finally managed to get to my feet.

"Yeah, just a little sore," I looked away from him. I didn't want to relive those moments just yet because I knew the memories would come back to me, even if I didn't want them to.

I cleaned up a little, avoiding the mirror and walked back out to find Charlie waiting for me at the door.

We walked down the hall a ways before I saw Emmett standing with his arms around Rosalie Hale. Hmm, I wonder what the hell that's all about. As far as I knew, they hated one another.

"Bella," Emmett gasped when he saw me.

"Emmett," I replied in way of a greeting.

"He's asking for you, I think. He keeps asking for Caterpillar." Em's eyes were wide and wet.

"Is that you?" he asked.

I nodded and watched as he held the door open for me. I gave a small smile to Dr. Cullen when I saw him standing beside Edward's bed, holding his son's hand.

"He's asking for you," he stated quietly and wiped a tear from his cheek.

Carlisle then placed Edward's hand in mine as he stepped away and smiled at me from the door.

"He's going to be okay, Bella. He'll have to have some therapy to walk but he's alive." The wet on his cheeks told me something great was happening in the midst of the shit-storm we'd all lived through this past week.

I waited until he left the room and I was alone with the broken boy I loved.

Fuck.

I loved him so much, the tears wouldn't wait as my eyes roamed over his bruised face, his lips cracked and dry. A black eye formed where Riley had hit him, same on his jaw line.

His hand in mine had been cold, but the minute my fingers wrapped around them, his fingers did the same in return.

"CP?" his cracked and raspy voice whispered.

"I'm here, baby. It's okay, love, I'm here." I whispered as I leaned over to kiss his face, anywhere I could without hurting him.

"Fuck, CP," he moaned and tried to wrap his arms around me. One hand held mine while the other had an IV running out of it.

"Shhh, baby, I'm here, it's okay." I tried to reassure him I was there.

His eyes struggled to finally open completely but there was no denying that clear green tint of his essence that gleamed up at me once they did.

"Baby?" his brow scrunched and his eyes roamed my face as it took him a few seconds to remember, to flash-back, to gasp in horror at the sight of my own bruised face.

"I'm okay, I promise," I said as his hand left mine to touch my cheek tenderly.

"He hurt you?" I could hear the pain in his words.

"You saved me," I stated and watched as he grimaced.

"Are you in pain? Do you need the nurse?" I asked as he shook his head.

"I almost got you killed," his eyes opened and were wet with his unshed tears.

"No, Edward, no, none of this was your fault." I shook my head at him as he began to cry and hold me tightly with his one hand.

There was a knock on the door that drew our attention away from the moment we had shared.

"Can I come in for a minute?" It was Emmett's voice we heard followed by his down-trodden face.

"Edward?" I questioned, as he looked at me in the same questioning manner.

"Please?" Emmett asked.

"Sure," Edward replied as we watched his hulk of a brother come into the room.

He stood at the foot of the bed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm glad you're okay, little brother." For such a large guy, his voice was very small.

Edward kind of scoffed but then cleared his throat.

"Thanks."

"I ... um, wanted to apologize to you too, Bella. I was an ass and well, I'm sorry." Emmett looked like a large little boy, toeing his shoe in the dirt and fidgeting around under my scrutinizing eyes.

"Thanks, Emmett." I replied and then looked between Edward and Emmett for a second.

"You two make a great couple." Emmett spoke up, clearing his voice and then standing up tall.

"Once this is all over with and you're outta here, maybe we can go on a double date or something."

"Um, I don't know, we'll see," Edward spoke before I could.

"Thanks for the offer, Emmett, we'll let you know," I answered as well.

I didn't know exactly what was happening with this family, but I could tell that a lot of eyes had been opened to just how bad things really were.

"I know ... um," Emmett paused and tried to find whatever courage he could to finish what he had to say. "Well, I wanted to say that I love you and I'm sorry for how I've treated you. I'm glad you didn't die."

His eyes looked down at Edward, once again full of tears, and I could hear the deep sincerity in what he had just said.

"Okay," was all Edward said in return. I think he was in as much shock as I was at what had just happened.

"Well, I'm going to go and let you rest. Thanks for taking care of him, Bella." He said with a wave from the door.

"Sure," I spoke and watched with wonder as he closed the door behind him.

"Did I wake up in an alternative universe?" Edward asked with a chuckle.

I smiled and giggled.

"No, 'cause if you had, I'd be tall, blond and have big boobs."

He smirked and shook his head, "Nope, CP, I like your squishy little boobies just like they are."

I rolled my eyes and moved to get off the bed.

"Don't leave me," he whined and pulled on my arm.

"I couldn't if I wanted to," I answered and moved back on the bed beside him.

We laid there in silence, staring at each other, back in our bubble.

"Are you really okay?" his voice a whisper.

I felt my tears and scooted as close to him as I could without hurting his leg.

"I am now that I'm right here with you." He leaned over to kiss my forehead.

"I'm a total fuck up Caterpillar, how I got so lucky as to find you, I'll never understand." Edward said as I looked at him, my eyes pouring out all my love for him as hard as I could manage.

"I'm the lucky one," I managed to say before our lips touched.

I felt the love pass between our lips. Regardless of whether the words were spoken or not, I know we both felt it.

Now, we just had to figure out what it means.

**A/N: So, we learned a little more about Emmett … and Bella's seeing/hearing some of the changes she had hoped for in regards to how the family treated Edward. **

**So, vacation season is upon us….and I have 3 trips coming up back to back pretty much end of this month. Therefore, next week, you'll get 2 updates again, but the following week (23-28) there will be no update. Then the first week of July you'll get 2 updates w/ none the second week of July. So, be prepared;)**

**Ok, peace out.**

**Love, Kyla**


	44. Chapter 44

AWoC ch44

**A/N: I apologize for the delay! As I stated in my FB group today, I'll post a ch today and another tomorrow then it'll be a week w/ no updates as I head out for vacation.**

**This ch isn't beta'd….somehow this one slipped through the cracks. But, my pre-readers rocked it: Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong – LOVE YOU ALL.**

Now, let's check in on Edward….*tissue warning*

EPOV

Fuck my body hurt all over, but, Caterpillar was squished up beside me on this tiny little hospital bed and I didn't want to wake her.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she left me or the Chief ordered her away. I had to savor every minute that I had with her.

Even with my dad and Emmett trying to make nice with me, I felt the dread of when things went back to normal. They'd turn their backs on me again, and I didn't know that I could handle going through all the rejection along with losing CP.

It felt surreal to wake up, not knowing where I was but to see my dad's face, full of tears, when I opened my eyes. It reminded me of that night in the hospital after the accident.

And, it sent a bolt of sheer terror down my spine.

I was afraid Riley had killed CP and I had lived. That would have been my worst fear. Because somehow I manage to cause the suffering and death of those I love.

I gripped CP a little tighter and closed my eyes.

Fuck, I wasn't even certain if my mom was still alive. Was that why everyone was being so nice? Because Esme had died?

I felt the tears and I couldn't stop them as I cried for the woman whom had once been the only ray of sunshine in my life only to then become the dark cloud that covered me constantly.

How had our lives gotten so fucked up?

Why did all of this have to happen to us? To me?

"Baby, please don't cry," I heard CP's soft voice against my neck and I fought to let out the sob stuck in my throat. Her hands wrapped around me a little tighter and I just let go.

"Oh God," I sobbed and she whispered soothing words to me.

The door swung open, "What's wrong? What's happened?" I heard my dad's voice and the sound of his fear sent a shiver through my already shaking body.

I felt his hands cup my face as I forced my eyes to open.

"Daddy," my voice croaked when I spoke.

"Oh son," he cried and leaned down to hold me as best he could.

I felt Caterpillar move away to make room for my dad.

"I'm so sorry, baby boy. So, so sorry," Carlisle spoke as he kissed my cheeks and held my head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Dad. Really sorry." I managed to say through my own tears.

He pulled me up into his arms as he sat on the edge of the bed, holding me. His hands around the back of my head as he held my head against his shoulder.

It had been so long since I had had this type of physical contact with any member of my family that it felt completely foreign to be comforted in this way.

"You're okay, Edward, I've got you. I've got you and I won't ever let go of you again," my dad whispered against my head as I felt another fresh round of tears fall from my eyes.

It felt like hours as we sat, awkwardly cradled against one another on the tiny bed, but then a knock on the door brought us apart suddenly.

"Dr. Cullen, you can go in now," the nurse spoke quietly to Carlisle as he just nodded at her and ran a hand across his face.

"Go where? To see mom? Is she okay?" I rambled, uncertain that I wanted to hear any of his answers but feeling like I simply had to know.

He sighed before he stood up and walked toward the small window in the room. I glanced at Caterpillar only to see her watching me. She gave me a small smile that I know was meant to be soothing but only made me more anxious.

"No, Edward, she's truly not okay. She hasn't been okay for a long time now, we both know that." He stopped speaking and let out another long, drawn out sigh before he turned around to face my bed.

"She's in a catatonic state. Nothing is medically keeping her in this condition, I'm afraid. Esme is just locked in her own mind, unwilling and unable to come back to the here and now." His eyes looked a million years old and his shoulders sagged heavily.

"We're most likely going to have to have a family meeting about where to go from here. She simply cannot be left alone, on her own devices, in our home, any longer. I've let things get so completely out of hand," his voice cracked and he closed his eyes. I saw the tears free themselves under his eyelids, sliding down his cheeks.

I felt the fear of anxiety creeping up again.

Fuck.

What if they felt the same way about me? They could send me away, far, far away from CP.

Fuck, I needed a drink or an Ativan or something. I couldn't breathe; I was seeing spots ... it was all just too much.

I gasped for air and got nothing. I could feel my throat closing up.

"Edward, baby, calm down," I heard CP's soft voice in my ear and felt her hands on my face as she tried to get me to focus.

But, the room started to spin, the lights suddenly to bright ... and then nothing.

I don't know how long I had been out when I came to; however by the worry on both Carlisle and Caterpillar's face told me it had probably been too long.

"There you are," CP's face smiled, full of relief.

"Did I leave?" I asked with a raspy voice. All that crying from earlier had taken its toll on me.

They both laughed, finding humor in my joke.

"Something like that," my dad replied and held my hand.

At that moment, my stomach began to growl and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time that I'd eaten anything.

"Hungry?" Bella asked with a quirked brow and silly smile.

I smirked back, "Ya think? I can't even remember when we last ate anything. When did you last eat, CP?"

She grimaced at me and my dad sighed on the other side of the bed.

"She hasn't eaten. She's refused to eat until you do," his voice weary and defeated.

I pulled her to me, "Baby, you have to keep your strength up. Please eat."

She leaned over me and I forced her to lie beside me, "We'll eat together. What do you feel like? I can have Charlie pick us up something before he comes to visit."

"Charlie's coming?" I gulped and felt the anxiety rising again.

"Calm down, please, Edward. He wanted to check on the both of you and well, he needs to get a report from you about the incident with Riley," Carlisle looked at me and I could see the regret on his face.

"I almost lost you, too," he whispered as his hand cupped my cheek. "I don't think that I would have survived losing the both of you." His tears returned to his eyes and I don't recall ever having seen my dad cry before this entire nightmare began.

It made me feel a myriad of emotions; anger for all the years he'd neglected me, pain for all the time we'd lost as a family, happiness in knowing that my dad was here, but sorrow that I didn't think it would last.

Nothing good ever lasted for me, why would it start now?

**A/n: It's going to take a lot of time to heal these deeply engrained wounds;(**

**I just wanna hug him, HARD.**

**Thoughts?**

**See ya tomorrow,**

**Kyla**


	45. Chapter 45

AWoC ch45

**A/N: Welcome back…new and regular readers. I know these past couple of chapters are intense and hard to handle…and the next few aren't going to be any easier. But, please don't give up on me, them, us…I promise, all is not lost. **

**They just have a lot to deal with, A LOT …and we're getting there, we'll get there. Hold hands, group hugs and lots of support will get us all through it. Trust me.**

**I've been working on this fic for close to a year now, I'm a pre-writer, meaning I don't post a chapter without at least a month's worth in the tank…that being said, my tank is running low, extremely low. I'm hoping to use my vacation time to write like a mad woman, as inspiration is filling me as my mind releases from the RL holds for a bit. **

**Most of you whom are friends w/ me on FB and in my group know that I started my own company, with my parents, at the beginning of the year. It's my passion (other than my child and writing) but the work involved has completely consumed me lately. It'll be nice to have a little reprieve into the fantasy world of FF for a bit. Plus, I know where this is going and trust me, I'm just as anxious as you all are to get there;)**

**With all of that said, I ask for your continued trust, patience and understanding as we truly get into the thick of these poor kids lives – they both, equally, have a long road to recovery ahead of them. And, they've yet to declare their love for one another, out loud and to the other…so that should be fun for them to discover;)**

**Sorry for the long A/N, but housekeeping needed to be done.**

**THANK YOU to my amazing beta, A Jasper For Me – you are my savior;) And, to the voices of reason, sanity and depravity that keep my heart thumping: Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. None of this would be half of what it is without your wisdom, clarity and insight.**

**And, lastly, to my 2 Heathers – Heather Y and Heather A – ya'll are some of my biggest fans and I'm thankful to have found you both!**

**Now, sorry to say, TISSUE WARNING, again. **

BPOV

Edward and I squeezed into his hospital bed and devoured our Taco Bell we had Charlie pick up for us.

My dad looked like he'd aged ten years overnight, and to be honest, it scared me a little. He had always been a big, tough police officer and to see the worry lines around his eyes along with the grey at his temples, made me realize he wasn't the young dad I was used to.

"Edward, as soon as you finish up, we need to have Officer Brady come in to take your report," Charlie said, while Edward just nodded and took another bite of his burrito.

"Charlie, we'll need you to sign Bella's medical reports for the Deputy to take with him, too," Dr. Cullen spoke from his chair beside our makeshift bed.

"Will do, Doc," his voice was gruff when he spoke and I wondered when the last time was he slept.

"Dad, why don't you go home tonight and rest," I said just after taking a drink of my Mountain Dew.

"I'll go home when you do," was all he replied and I frowned, while Edward whimpered and looked at me.

His eyes were wide with fear and I knew he was freaking out about me leaving him. His paranoia was at an all-time high about everything going on around him, especially me being taken from him.

"I'll be here until Edward is released," I stubbornly answered.

Both of our dads sighed, while Edward and I continued to eat.

Following a few minutes with only the sounds of our eating and drinking, there was a knock on the door followed by the face of Nurse Cope.

"Dr. Cullen, you are needed down the hall," her eyes held regret. I'm not sure if was for interrupting us or for the fact she had to pull Dr. Cullen out of our room to deal with another ill family member.

I knew from whispered conversations I'd overheard, things were not looking good for Mrs. Cullen. Apparently, she'd had some kind of psychotic break and was unwilling to help with her recovery.

I'd even heard Emmett say she was beyond any help the hospital could give her.

Hearing those words scared me because of what it could mean for Edward.

"I'll be back soon, son," Dr. Cullen said just before he touched Edward's shoulder with a gentle grip.

"Otay," Edward said with a bite of food in his mouth.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, I'm going to see if Brady is here yet," Charlie said while pointing to the door.

We both nodded and watched him leave.

As soon as the door closed, Edward shoved the food tray away and gathered me in his arms.

"CP, please don't leave," his voice sounded desperate and full of ache.

"Never," I breathlessly replied as I pulled his face to mine. My hands cupped his face as our eyes battled for focus on the other.

Finally, his eyes settled and calmed. He leaned in until our foreheads touched and he let out a deep, long breath.

"I've turned into such a pussy," he whispered and I fought back a giggle.

"You always say the sweetest things, Cullen," I called him that name to see what reaction it got out of him. He squeezed his eyes shut but no longer flinched at the sound of it.

I smiled at him as we both sat up, semi-facing one another. He was unable to turn much due to his leg still being restrained.

"We'll get through this, look at everything we've managed to survive so far," I tried to sound confident, but I'm not sure I succeeded.

We were silent for a few seconds when I heard him take a deep breath and let it out. Then he finally asked what I'd been dreading.

"Did he touch you?" His eyes were trained on mine and I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through me as I recalled the feeling of Riley's hands on me.

"Kind of," I let the words out softly. I didn't want to think about those few minutes I was alone with Riley, let alone the vile things he'd said and done to me.

"Kind of how?" I heard the anger build in his tone and I wasn't sure what I should say. I didn't want to turn him away from me especially since we'd had sex. He might think of me as damaged if he knew the way Riley had groped and touched me.

"Nothing too serious," I wrapped my arms around myself and fought to hold in my tears at the memory of Riley's rough and angry hands on my breasts.

"Fuck!" Edward yelled and leaned back against the pillows, his hands raking through his hair.

I started to scoot off the bed to give him space, but he gripped my arm and kept me there causing me to flinch again.

"He hurt you!" His anger clear and present in both his words and the way he spoke.

"No ... yes ... not too bad," I could no longer stop the tears, unable to be strong the way he needed me to be.

"Caterpillar, tell me ... NOW," he demanded and I scooted off the bed away from his reach all the while shaking my head.

"No, you're upset already and I don't want to think about it," I cried and buried my face in my hands.

The door to the room flung open, hard, and a concerned Charlie entered the room taking in the view before him.

"What's wrong, Bells?" my dad's voice cracked as he stood in front of me, blocking Edward's view.

I shook my head again.

"That bastard hurt her, that's what's wrong. He laid his hands on her, Chief Swan. What the fuck happened to protecting her?" Edward cried and I flinched again.

Charlie noticed and all the blood drained from his face.

"Bells?" he whispered and dropped to his knees in front of me, grasping for my hands on the way down, pulling them from my face.

"Not now, please, I don't want to talk about it," I begged through a sob and watched the two most important men in my life crumble.

"CP, you have to tell me, I'm going crazy thinking he had his hands on you. We're together, you belong with me," I looked up and saw Edward's crazy eyes glistening with tears, his cheeks streaked wet already.

"You'll think I'm disgusting if I tell you," I said as I stepped toward the bed.

He shook his head vehemently, "NEVER!" His declaration caught me off guard and I shook in fear once again.

Damn it, what the hell is wrong with me?

"Charlie, tell her. Make her understand none of this was her fault. It's all because of me. I'm no good, I'm the damaged one. CP, you are so pure and perfect. I've ruined you, it's my fault he touched you," Edward cried and I crawled up next to him, wrapped my arms around him and we cried together.

"It's all my fault, Edward. Mine, not yours," I managed to say before we slid into our cocoon and cried onto each other's shoulders.

There was a sound of someone clearing their throat a short time later when our tears seemed to have run out.

"Bella, Deputy Brady needs to speak to Edward alone." Hearing those words forced Edward to hold me impossibly tighter.

I nodded against his shoulder then sat up, "I'll be just outside the door, okay baby?"

He wiped my cheeks dry before he kissed me, then nodded his consent.

I gave him one more quick peck on the lips before making my way out of the room as the officer I'd known all my life gave me a small smile as he went in the door I'd just exited.

I sat in a folding chair against the wall in the hallway, unable to stop from folding in on myself.

The memories assaulted me all at once with my eyes closed.

Edward will never touch me again if he knows the truth.

I should have lied.

I shouldn't have gotten so emotional.

I have to be strong. I have to be there for him. Not him worrying about me.

This sucks.

He'll never want me again after he knows.

I always knew he'd break my heart.

Fuck.

It's only a matter of time before he breaks and orders me away.

Do I stay and enjoy what I can while I can or do I leave now to avoid the heartbreak?

**A/N: Still with me? Sorry, I hate cliffies too…..**

**See you back here on the 1****st****…as I won't have internet in the mountains.**

**Peace and Love until then,**

**Kyla**


	46. Chapter 46

AWoC ch46

**A/N: Surprise;)**

**I couldn't leave ya'll hanging…although you might not love me after I leave you with this one, either.**

**THANK YOU to Rvrsong for posting for me**** A jasper for me for her amazing beta skills and Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong for their expert pre-reading skills;)**

**Tissues….yet again.**

BPOV

In a split second I was on my feet walking down the hallway, fast.

I needed air.

I needed to think.

I needed to just breathe.

I saw the doors straight ahead and I kept walking even though my feet felt like concrete the more steps I took farther away from Edward.

"Just where the fuck do you think you're going," I heard the screech from none other than Alice Cullen a few feet behind me and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You think you can waltz into our lives, fuck up my brother and then just leave the mess for us to clean up?" Her voice was like nails pushing through my pale, thin skin.

"Just like you left your mother?" At the words she spoke I saw red and anger shot through me as I swiveled around to face the little runt.

"What the fuck did you say?" I seethed.

"You heard me, bitch," she smirked and I fisted my hands as I shook all over. I'd never wanted to hit someone so badly in all of my life.

"Fuck. You. Alice," my teeth gritted and voice low while I replied.

"Edward isn't some little toy for you to break and just throw away. Hell, he wouldn't even be in the hospital if you weren't for you, you little tramp," her eyes were wide and black as coal.

Just as I was about to lunge for her to rip all the hair from her head, I felt a set of strong arms circle my waist and hold me back.

"Stop it, Alice. NOW." Emmett's voice was low but demanding.

"Stay out of this, Em. This bitch has had it coming for a while now. Let her hit me, I'm not scared." Alice smirked again and I fought to get out of Emmett's strong grip.

"Alice, none of this was Bella's fault. Now back the fuck off," once again Emmett harshly instructed her to leave me be.

"I see how it is, first she snagged Edward, then she won over Dad and now you," Alice's eyes reflected hurt and pain for a split second before her face went stoic and she straightened back into the angry little girl she'd been before.

"It's not like that and you know it," Emmett spoke softly, trying to defuse her.

"Yes, it is. You've all chosen her. What the fuck makes her so special," she nodded her head my way as she spoke. I relaxed a bit in Em's arms and felt him release me to step in front of his little sister.

"She's Edward's girlfriend, she was hurt too, and she's changed him. If you saw him with her, you'd know, she IS something special," I could hear the question in his voice as he tried to make her understand it wasn't about her versus me.

"Whatever." Alice replied with a huff. "Let's go Jasper," she barked before pushing past her brother, shoulder checking me on the way out with Jasper following closely behind her.

"I'm sorry about that Bella," Emmett turned to face me, his demeanor soft and broken.

This couldn't have been easy on him, being the big brother, the oldest son and now the perceived bad guy.

His eyes met mine ... and all of my resolve vanished.

"Why were you leaving?" I could almost hear the accusation in his tone and I wanted to run again.

"I wasn't necessarily leaving, Emmett." I sighed and looked over my shoulder out the door. Suddenly I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was anymore.

I was so tired.

I felt so heavy and weighed down.

"Alice hates me," I found myself crying, again.

In an instant I felt his arms around me and I collapsed against him.

It was too much. It was too hard.

Edward was upset over Riley touching me.

Charlie was sure to find out about Renee hitting me.

Alice hated me and blamed me for Edward's injuries.

I was just a fucked up girl, plain and mousy, with nothing special to offer and suddenly I've just found myself in a whole slew of drama.

All because I noticed a boy everyone ignored.

All because I let him in and showed him friendship.

All because my heart was full of love for that broken boy.

They would all surely hate me once they found out everything.

"I've got you, Bella. I won't let you fall," I heard Emmett's voice in my ear as he picked me up and started walking.

I sobbed into his neck, unsure of anything, not worrying that anything mattered anymore.

"Why is she crying? Why are you carrying her?" I heard Edward's voice as he spoke loudly and I could hear him sighing in frustration as Emmett laid me on the bed next to him.

"CP, what's wrong?" I felt Edward's arm, warm and tender, slide around me as he pulled me to him.

"I'm nothing, Edward. You can't love me. Your sister hates me. You're hurt because of me. I'm not worth it," I blubbered as he shushed me and rocked me against him.

"If you knew, you'd hate me. I can't stand to think of you hating me. I couldn't take it," I sobbed impossibly harder and felt the swell of my eyes from all the tears. My eyes closed and I listened to the sound of his words, still unsure that he truly understood me.

I don't remember anything after that but I woke up a few hours later, in a bigger bed and my head was pounding. Edward's grip on me was almost painful as I was lying in his arms, my butt on his lap and my neck sore from resting on his shoulder.

"CP?" his groggy and sleep-filled voice shook me.

"Mmm," I managed to answer, my throat dry and raw. The room was almost pitch black except for a small light on in the bathroom where the door was cracked a little.

"I could never hate you," he whispered.

"I could never leave you," I whispered in response.

"You've both got a long way to go, now go back to sleep. Doctor's orders." I heard Dr. Cullen's gruff voice through the darkness before I realized he was in a chair across the room.

"I won't make it without you," he spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him, or did I imagine he said those words?

I gently pushed my lips against his neck then laid my head back down, his arms tightened around me and I let the darkness pull me back under.

~~~ AWoC ~~~

The sun on my face felt too bright, as I fought to keep my eyes closed against the light.

"Bella?"

Edward doesn't sound like that.

Edward never calls me by my name.

"Bella?"

I realized I wasn't wrapped in his arms.

I realized the voice belonged to my dad.

My eyes cracked, minutely, to see Charlie standing where the voice was coming from.

"Bells, you need to wake up. We need to talk."

No one ever wants to hear that sentence.

"Where's Edward?" I questioned as I tried to sit up a little, still extremely groggy and ready to go back to sleep.

"He's in his room. I need to talk to you and only you." Charlie looked worse than he did the night before.

"Why? What's happened? Is he okay?" I felt the panic creeping in and I just knew ... this was it.

The end of CP and Cullen.

If only I had been wrong.

**A/N: As I've said all along, some characters just aren't redeemable…I'm afraid for those holding out hope on Alice, you may not get what you wish for. From the very beginning of the inception on this fic, I knew in my heart that Alice was bad, mean, nasty …and she's shown me no different in writing her. Who knows (well, I do, but I digress) what the future holds;)**

**See ya soon,**

**Kyla**


	47. Chapter 47

AWoC ch47

**A/n: I'm back….sort of. Vacation felt more like work than relaxation and I'm completely OD'd on "family time" but it was nice to be away for a while.**

**With that being said, I have a confession: I haven't written a single word in almost a month. (hangs my head) I am sorry. I have it all written in my head but my head is so full of RL crap…I escaped to Netflix, found Sons of Anarchy and have spent the past 2 weeks completely immersed in the world of Jax, Opie and Samcro….**

**So, I'm behind. BUT, the good news is, I'm all caught up on SOA and can't find season 5 so…..I'm going to attempt to spend the next 4 days writing;) **

**Thank you to A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edward's girl, Pates GreenEyes and Rvrsong. I couldn't do this without ya'll.**

****Warning** Tissues ARE needed….sorry…..just read and check in at the bottom.**

EPOV

"Why are you doing this?" Both of us in a stare down of epic proportions.

"You need this, Edward." He didn't move an inch when he spoke, except to move his lips.

"I can't do this without her," I angrily replied.

"You have to or it'll never last," he narrowed his eyes, like he was testing me.

"I won't stay there. I'll come back for her," I crossed my arms over my chest, I meant what I'd just said.

"You can't walk, let alone drive. Are you going to learn how to sprout wings and fly?" He mocked me in that he crossed his own arms over his chest to mimic my stance.

"Fuck you," I spewed.

"Well, that didn't last long," he spoke through a sigh and his shoulders suddenly sagged.

BPOV

"You want to send me away," I questioned as he just stood there with a look of defeat on his face.

"It's not like that," his voice even sounded defeated.

"But what about him? He needs me," I promised him I wouldn't leave, never thinking I would be forced to break that promise.

"You need to do this for yourself," was all he replied, never mentioning him.

"I made a promise," I said and crossed my arms over my chest. I could be stubborn, too.

"I made a promise to protect you, and that's what I intend to do," he mimicked my actions and let the stubborn attitude show on his own face.

"I can't leave him," I said and looked out the window away from him.

"He's leaving too," he sighed, "you both need some time apart," his voice sounded resigned.

~~~ AWoC ~~~

BPOV

"CP, I'll find you," his forehead was smushed against mine and I was fighting to hold in my tears.

"We'll be so far apart," I might have whined as I spoke.

"No, we won't. I'll find you," he was adamant and tilted my chin up so that our eyes met.

"They don't know, I know and you know, but they don't have a clue." His eyes were on fire as he spoke and it made my belly flip-flop.

He meant it. He felt it too.

Could he really love me back?

EPOV

Her eyes were wide and scared. They were forcing us apart, just like I knew they would.

"None of this is for the best," I told her with fear running through me.

What if it was for the best for her to be away from me?

"The best for us is to be together," her hands tightened around my biceps while she spoke.

"I'm not breaking my promise," she said and I saw the tears as they broke free from her eyes.

"Don't cry, Caterpillar, you're going to get dehydrated," I tried to joke but she didn't laugh.

Fuck, my chest hurt and my nerves had my stomach rolling.

This sucks.

"I'll figure out a way to find you," I vowed, once again.

"You belong to me," I stated and she nodded against me as I pulled her into my arms to bury my face in her hair.

I knew we didn't have long and I needed to soak up her smell, the feel of her against me and the warmth she spread all over me with my arms around her.

"It's time," a voice said at the door.

Our eyes met and locked.

I only hoped I could keep my promise to her.

I had to figure out a way to never let her down again.

~~~ AWoC ~~~

CPOV

"We're doing the right thing, aren't we?" I asked again.

"They have to recover, Charlie. They both need time apart to heal and figure out how to deal with their own issues. Otherwise, we'll lose them both." Dr. Cullen spoke with confidence in his words.

I still wasn't completely sure sending Bells away was the right thing to do. But, I did know I couldn't help her. Hell, if I were a better father she never would have been in this position to begin with.

"I hate that it's come to this. I should have done better," I heard my own defeat as I spoke.

Carlisle turned to me, "No, Charlie, you are a good father. I, on the other hand, am a complete failure as a father, a husband and a doctor for letting things get to this point."

"We both made mistakes," I added to try and relieve some of his guilt.

He did the best he could. Besides, who was I to throw stones when I let Renee carry on the way she had while Bella became the adult her mother should have been.

"How was Esme's trip?" I asked, hoping to take the focus off the kids for a minute.

He closed his eyes, rubbed them then opened them before looking down at the floor, "She made it okay. She still won't speak to the kids. All she said to me was how much she hated me for not letting her die."

"That hospital in Tacoma will take good care of her, Carlisle." I can't imagine the pain he was experiencing; losing his wife to mental illness and now his son to addiction and recovery, within hours of each other as they leave Forks to travel to their respective treatment centers.

"You reckon this place I'm sending Bella will help?" I still wasn't sold on the idea of sending her all the way to Texas, but after everything I'd read and been told, it was truly where she needed to be.

"They'll all be in good hands," he said as we both nodded. He looked at his watch then sighed heavily before opening the door to announce that time was up.

Hell, he was sending his son all the way to Boston, I should have been grateful Bells would be closer to me than that.

A few minutes later, Edward came out of the room with Carlisle pushing him in his wheelchair but stopped it in front of me in the hallway.

"You can't keep me out of her life forever, Chief Swan. Just know I belong to her and I'll always come for her," his eyes were wet and his voice was thick as he spoke those words to me.

I just nodded at him and stuck out my hand.

He looked at my hand, then put his own in mine and shook it.

I clasped my other hand on top of his, "Thank you for saving her life."

He just nodded and then looked up at his dad to leave, his face turning once more towards the door to the room where Bella remained.

I heard her sobs but not before I saw Ms. Mary and Ms. Shelli approaching me in the hallway.

"We'll take her from here, Chief Swan. She'll be okay," Ms. Mary spoke.

Ms. Shelli stepped up beside me, "She'll call you in two weeks once she's settled into a routine at the center. I promise we'll get her the help she needs."

I wiped a tear away as Bella walked out of the room with Ms. Mary behind her.

She walked up and hugged me, "I love you, Daddy. Please don't make me go."

I hugged her tight and kissed her cheek, "You have to baby it's where you need to be."

She cried and turned to walk down the hall with the two women I'd entrusted her too.

All of the chaos.

All of the whispered goodbyes.

All of us in pain.

I hoped it was all going to be worth it.

**A/N: I know a lot of you were rooting for them to stay together…I get it, I do. But, sometimes we have to figure out who "I" is before we can be a part of an "us". And, clearly these 2 need to do just that.**

**TRUST ME**** Please (on hands and knees begging)**

**See ya Saturday for another update. I leave on another trip next Thursday, so I'll see what I can get out before then.**

**Love and Peace to you all this 4****th**** of July holiday. Please be safe.**

**Kyla**


	48. Chapter 48

AWoC Ch48

**A/n: Hello, my lovely patient readers!**

**I'm so sorry I've not been able to update. RL, vacation and horrid writer's block has kept me away. BUT, I think we're finally past all that nonsense.**

**I know that most of you have very mixed emotions on Edward and CP being separated, but, I hope that you'll keep an open mind and heart as we start this journey.**

**This was how it all unfolded, I had to be true to what I know, based on personal experience where some of this comes from. **

**Much love to A Jasper For Me for her beta'ing and for my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. I love you all.**

**This chapter is a series of letters starting about a week into their separations… you'll begin to see some things you might not have seen before. Hang in there.**

April 20

Caterpillar,

They still won't fucking tell me where the hell you are, but I'm not giving up hope.

I've been going to therapy for my leg every day, some days I have to go twice a day. But, I'm able to walk on crutches now. I'll be back to myself in no time, then I'm leaving here and coming to find you.

Fuck, I miss you. I miss my meadow, correction, 'our meadow' ... and I seriously need some alcohol.

These pricks have me on new meds and it's seriously fucking with me.

Are you safe? Do you miss me? I hope so because the thought of you not remembering me has me in fucking knots, CP. It would piss me off if you decided to just ditch me after all this shit we've been through.

I mean, you said 'I see you' in your note ... why the hell would you do that and then just run away from me?

I miss your hot little body lying under mine. So fucking much it hurts when I think about it too much. And in here, I have too damn much time to think about shit.

They make me see a shrink. What a joke, right? I'm fucked up, hereditary and shit, surely these 'educated professionals' read my medical chart, right?

Where are you? Fuck, it pisses me off that no one will tell me. Not even Emmett, that asshole.

I knew all that shit my dad and my brother talked about in the hospital was too good to be true. They didn't mean any of it.

Did you mean it? When you promised me you wouldn't leave me? CP, did you mean it?

Fuck, I really miss you. You are so fucking beautiful.

Damn it, I have to go. It's time for some group bullshit.

I hope to get this to you soon so I can find out where you are.

Yours, Edward Cullen

~~~ AWoC ~~~

April 25

My dearest Edward,

So my dad told me today that you are in Boston and he gave me your address to send this letter to.

I'm in Texas and honestly, now that I am, I'm kind of glad to be here.

I know you don't want to hear that, well, maybe you do, if you are glad to be where you are. Are you happy there?

I don't know if I'd call myself happy to be here, but I understand now a little better why I needed to be here. Our dads were right Edward, we both needed help.

I really miss you, probably more than I should. But, I'm sure you need to hear I miss you and I think of you all the time. I haven't really told the other girls about you because I don't want to have to share you with anyone, if that makes sense.

My counselor, Judy, she's really helping me see a lot things. I told her about wanting to be a teacher. She didn't laugh, she actually said I would make a great teacher.

Have you ever thought about being a doctor like you wanted to be when you were a little boy?

Did I mention I miss you? Those nights we spent just talking on the phone or in my backyard or even in 'our meadow' ... those are some of my favorite memories of us together.

But, the night I think about most was the night we spent in Portland.

I have to confess something to you and I hope it doesn't make you ignore me ...

Edward, that night in Portland was the best night of my life.

Okay, now that I feel stupid for writing about that, I am going to end this letter for now.

I hope you write me back soon.

Yours forever,

Bella aka Caterpillar

PS I still want to know why you call me that;)

~~~ AWoC ~~~

April 29

CATERPILLAR,

I GOT YOUR FUCKING LETTER TODAY!

I've been going out of my fucking mind worrying about you.

I miss you so fucking much. And baby, that was the best night of my life too.

There isn't a day or a minute of any hour, really that I don't wish we were together in our meadow drinking some vodka and getting high. Talking about bullshit and just sitting together ... kissing, holding hands ... making out.

Fuck, I need to see your face. I need to hold you again ... rub my cock all over you again. Make you mine again.

Are you still mine? You sounded different, maybe a little more grown up in your letter ... are you growing up and leaving me? Are you going to leave me behind if I don't want to be a doctor?

Why did you ask me that? I spent a whole day thinking about that shit ... I can't be a doctor, CP. I'm a junkie, a fuck-up, an addict according to these pricks here.

I got off those damn crutches, thanks for asking. But they are making me wear this ridiculous brace on my leg. That fucking asshole Biers, he jacked me up. I wish I had been the one to kill him.

Did he touch you, baby? CP, what did he do to you? Did you tell him you were mine?

Fuck.

I need you, baby. Please call me soon. They said I could have phone privileges next week, will you call me? I need to hear your voice at least.

Fuck, it's time for a smoke break, so I gotta go.

Hopefully still yours, Edward Cullen

~~~ AWoC ~~~

May 5

My crazy, addict, beautiful, Edward,

What meds do they have you on? Do they not realize you are bipolar?

I do miss you. I will call you but I don't get to use the phone for another week, so I can't call you until then.

Edward, I will tell you a secret ... if YOU want to become a doctor, NO ONE but YOU can stop that from happening. You are smart, kind and would be a great doctor, in my opinion.

I can't wait to hear your voice.

I do miss your face and our time together. But, I think my days of getting drunk and high are over, to be honest. I'm learning a lot of good stuff here. I hope maybe someday I can share it with you and we can talk about being sober together.

There are things I want to share with you but I don't want to talk about them in a letter or over the phone, okay? Part of that has to do with what happened with Riley.

Maybe I can come see you when I get out of here and we can talk about it then, okay? Can you wait? I need you to wait.

I really do miss you and I think about you all the time. I told one of the girls about you. I wish I had a picture of you to show her. I saw a picture in some gossip magazine of that actor in the vampire movies ... you kind of look like him. Well, I told my friend that and now she wants to see what you look like.

Gosh, Edward, I really do miss you. You are my best friend and I hope you are doing well.

I need to wrap this up, I have to go to a group meeting.

Can't wait to talk to you in a week.

Still all yours, forever, I promised, remember?  
Bella aka Caterpillar aka CP

**A/N: So…things, they are a changin'….hope you're still on board 'cause a lot more is still to come.**

**Recs:**

**Dragonfly by Rvrsong - a new story only 2 chapters in and fabulous. Older Bella, Younger Edward – he's a Massage Therapist, she's a lonely recluse, almost…sparks are starting to fly. And, there's a great cat named Chewbacca;) You'll enjoy it, I promise. Give it a go and tell her I sent you.**

**If you are into reading original fic, I found this series on my nook called "Marked Men" by Jay Crownover. The first book is called "Rule" and it's fabulous! I just started book two called "Jet". I love it so far, too.**

**I'm on a writing rampage tonight so that (fingers crossed) we can get back to 2 updates a week very soon. **

**Until next week, peace and love, my friends,**

**Kyla**


	49. Chapter 49

AWoC ch49

**A/n: I'm back**** Sorry for the delay, but I've been writing demon and plan on getting back on track w/ twice a week updates.**

**Much love to my team: A Jasper For Me – one of the best beta's around. She makes me fix my "that" problem;) And, super-duper huggles to my pre-readers, Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. They hold my hand, push me and cheer me on!**

**I'm afraid tissues MIGHT be needed, sorry.**

**Enjoy….**

May 8

Caterpillar,

Hey beautiful, I miss you. I dreamt of us in the meadow, the sun was shining and we were naked in my tent ... fuck, what I wouldn't give for that to be reality.

This shit sucks ass, CP.

They keep trying to get me to admit that I'm an addict. I'm NOT fucking addicted to shit. I drink and smoke weed to numb the fucking hurt and shit ... I ain't admitting to shit.

How are you? Are you being taken care of? Are you safe there? It's just girls there, right?

They changed my meds again, something about misdiagnosis or some bullshit, who knows anymore. But, it's like I can remember things, things I thought were my fault. But now I remember little pieces to the stories … and things are not as bad as I'd always been led to believe.

I don't know what the hell is going on most of the time. I'm still doing physical therapy for my leg. I can almost walk five feet without a brace, but it still hurts like a bitch.

You get phone privileges this weekend, right? I fucking can't wait to hear your voice.

And, I wish I had a picture of you, too. But let's clear something up now, I DO NOT look like that vampire guy. He's a douche. Edward fucking Cullen is not a douche. Hear me?

I got a letter from Emmett today, apparently Alice dropped out of school and moved with Jasper to New York. My dad went apeshit nuts, of course, but he let her go. I'm so pissed at my sister for what she did to you. But it doesn't matter what she thinks, you hear me?

YOU ARE MINE and always will be. Got it?

Gotta run, that windbag Garrett wants to 'talk' to me for some more head shrinking therapy. Blah, Blah, Blah ...

The owner of your soul,

Edward

Saturday, May 10

"Hello?" I was worried he wouldn't hear me, I was so scared and anxious to hear his voice.

"Caterpillar?" I heard him loud and clear.

"It's me, Edward, it's really me." I tried to hold back my tears as I listened to him over the phone.

"Baby, CP, it's so good to hear your voice," it sounded like he was almost crying, too.

"It's good to hear yours too. How are you? Do you still miss me?" I asked, excitedly and worried about his answer.

"Fuck, you have no damn idea how badly I miss you," his voice was laced with sincerity and I would give anything to be able to hold him.

"Thank you for the letters," it was the only thing I could think to say as I wiped a few tears from my cheeks.

He sighed into the phone.

"CP, I live for your letters." He let out a heavy breath and I got chills just picturing him standing there talking to me on the phone.

"You doing okay? Are you getting better?" I asked, hopeful that he was truly making some progress with his therapy.

"I'm not an addict, Caterpillar. Do you think I'm an addict?" His question threw me and I knew I had to choose my words carefully. I thought back to all the things I had been learning and how they'd helped me.

"Edward, I think you've been through a shit storm of problems, and you used drugs and alcohol to deal with those problems. You aren't a junkie, like you are imagining in your mind. But, I do think maybe it's time for both of us to find alternative methods to dealing with the bad shit we've been through." Phew, that was a lot to lay out there and I just hoped and prayed he understood what I meant.

"So you do think I'm an addict? Are you saying that you are? Has admitting it helped?" His voice was shaky and I could hear his resolve teetering on a thin rope.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Yes, baby, I think I might be an addict. Because I couldn't deal with the shit from my mom, so I got high or drunk to NOT have to deal with it." There, I admitted it to him. I only hoped and prayed it didn't cost me his love.

"I'll think about it, okay?" His voice was gruff.

"I miss you so much, CP. It's like this entire world misunderstands me, but not you, never you. You've been the only one that knows me. I miss that so fucking much." I could hear his tears now and I let mine fall again.

"I know exactly what you mean, Edward. I truly do."

"I miss you, CP."

"I miss you too, baby," I say through a full on sob.

"Time's up, Bella," I heard from the secretary behind the desk.

"I have to get off the phone, Edward. Please write me and I'll call you next Saturday," I tried to make my voice sound cheerful, but failed.

"Already? Fuck, time went way too fast. I still belong to you, Caterpillar."

I clutched my heart, "As I belong to you," I sniffled, "Goodbye, Edward."

Hanging up the phone was the hardest thing I've done since I sat and watched him get wheeled out of our hospital room.

"You okay?" Judy asks as she slides up next to me with an arm around my shoulder.

I nod and wipe my eyes.

"Come see me in my office in fifteen," she hugs me and I nod again.

She's truly been a blessing to me, with allowing me time to process things in my own way. While I miss Edward with an ache I've never known before, I'm thankful for the help I'm getting while I'm here.

I'm trying my best to work through all the bad shit that has happened so when Edward and I do get to see each other again, we can just be normal kids. We can go back to school, finish our senior year together and move on from the crappy town of Forks.

At least that's the way I have it planned. I only hope Edward can see it the same way.

I hit the soda machines, grab a Mountain Dew and then head to Judy's office at the end of the hall.

She greeted me with a smile, "Shut the door behind you, please."

Shit. It's never an easy session when the door gets closed.

I sit in my favorite comfy chair in her office and wait. It doesn't take long.

"Today I want you to talk to me about Riley. You need to share what happened, Bella." Her smile was weak and caring but it didn't matter, I suddenly felt like the world was spinning and I wanted to be swallowed up.

I shook my head and fought the tears.

"You want to get better, don't you?" Judy questioned me and I nodded again.

"You want to get past all the hurt that brought you here, right?" She scooted her chair a little closer to mine and I nodded again.

"Then it's time, Bella. It's just you and I. Riley's dead and can't hurt you anymore, so it's time to put it to rest."

I sobbed and felt her arms around me.

All I could hear was his nasty voice in my ear or the feel of his rough hands on my body.

I wanted to throw up.

But, if I were ever going to get through telling Edward about it, then I had to start now.

I had to tell it all.

A/N: So, they finally got to speak….and the differences in their behaviors are blatant, I think. But, they are getting there, I promise.

Yes, Edward's letters are chaotic and scattered, he's detoxing, he's caged in and he's alone. Wouldn't you be the same way?! I know I would be.

Thank you all for reading/reviewing and sticking with me and these two chaotic kids.

Kyla


	50. Chapter 50

AWoC ch50

**A/n: Everyone circle around and grab hands….this chapter is a tough, rough one.**

**It's a flashback … and will answer/confirm some of your fears. **

****Triggers may occur regarding abuse/abusive/violent situations.****

**Tissues, hold hands, big girl panties…..see ya at the bottom.**

BPOV

_I sat on the edge of Edward's bed, admiring the aura of his room. I was trying to keep my mind occupied from the reality of the situation._

_I got up and perused the books lining his shelves, touching all the little mementos and knick-knacks that sat covered in a layer of dust amongst the stacks of CD's and comic books._

_I had decided to clean his room since we'd be holed up in this space for who knows how long. I couldn't find anything to clean with in his bathroom so I decided to go downstairs to check in the pantry or laundry room for supplies._

_Just as I bent over to look under the kitchen sink, I heard the front door quietly close and something eerily made me think it wasn't Edward._

_God, I hoped it wasn't Alice. The last thing I needed today was a run in with her while no one else was around._

"_Well, well, well, there's my sweet little Isabella. Aren't you looking positively sinful in those shorts?" I heard the creepy voice of none other than Riley._

_I felt a shiver run through me as I turned around and came within a few feet of the man we'd all been trying to catch, yet avoid._

"_You surely didn't think I'd just let you go that easily, did you?" He took a step toward me and I stepped back until my bottom hit the cabinet. I froze in fear as he raised his hand and slid his grimy fingers down the rim of my jaw and circled his fingers around my neck._

_The next thing I knew he had his hands gripping my hair and I was being dragged into the living room where he tossed me against a wall._

_The force of the hit knocked the wind out of me but didn't stop Riley from pinning me to the wall with his body and sliding his legs between my thighs. As I struggled to move away from him, he captured my hands and slammed them against the wall on either side of my head._

"_You aren't going anywhere, you stupid bitch," his rank breath blew across my face and I continued to struggle._

_I had to get away from him, I couldn't let Edward come back and find me here with Riley._

"_Who the fuck do you think you are playing me like this?" His voice strained as he spoke through gritted teeth, just as he leaned in and ran his nose along my throat._

_I fought to keep the bile at bay because all I really wanted to do was throw up all over him. Maybe he'd leave me alone long enough for me to run. Charlie had to be outside in his hidden perch. _

"_Let me go, Riley, you're only making this worse for yourself," I was able to find my voice and speak._

_He looked up at me with cold, dark eyes, "You have no idea who I am, do you? I'm never letting you go. You are mine, Isabella."_

_Riley crashed his lips against mine and I fought to move my head, get away from him. I didn't want this. I didn't want him and certainly didn't want Edward to come in and see this._

_It would kill him. Or get him killed._

"_Fuck you, Riley. I only belong to Cullen," I ground out after I bit his lip to get his lips off mine._

_He backhanded me across the face._

_It stung like a bitch and I fought not to cry._

"_Cullen will never touch you again after I kill him, Isabella. I told you, you belong to me," his hands grabbed my hips as he thrust his against me. _

_I gagged, tasting the bile again._

"_Stop!" I screamed as his hands grabbed my boobs and began to squeeze. I didn't have a bra on, so I knew he could feel it all. It made me sick to have his hands on me. I gagged again and he slapped me across my other cheek._

"_Don't beg, sweetheart. It'll only make it harder on you," he panted against my neck before I felt his tongue take a long lick from my collarbone up to my ear._

"_I'm going to enjoy fucking the shit outta that sweet little ass," he ground against me once more._

"_NO! Leave me alone!" I screamed, hoping and praying Charlie could hear me. _

_Someone. _

_Anyone._

_Riley grabbed my wrist and flung me across the room. My knees hit the hardwood floor with a thump and I scrambled to get away but not before he grabbed my ankle and pulled me back towards him._

"_Stop trying to get away," he yelled and pushed me onto my back. I kicked and flailed, trying to keep him off of me._

_He dropped all of his body weight on top of mine, squeezing all of the air from my lungs. I struggled to keep my eyes open as the dizziness washed over me._

"_I will have you, Isabella," his hips pushed against my pelvis and I felt the tears flood my eyes._

"_No. I don't want this. Please stop," I begged._

_His mouth attacked mine again and I tried to force my lips from opening. His tongue pushed on my skin as I continued to struggle against him._

_The next thing I knew, his hand was on the waistband of my shorts, my legs trapped by his but I continued to fight against him._

_He punched my head and the pain momentarily blinded me. _

_At that moment, I heard the crunch of tires on the gravel outside and I screamed as Riley instantly stood up, pulling me by my hair._

"_This should be fun," he chuckled as he dragged me beside him. I was unable to get my knees solid on the floor before he pushed the door open and gripped my hair tighter in his hand._

I grabbed another tissue and watched through my blurring eyes as Judy sat still, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Have you told any of this to Edward?" She asked and moved in her seat.

I shook my head and wiped my nose.

"He almost died. He'd been injured and was detoxing. There was no way I could tell him all of this. I honestly don't know that I could ever tell him." My voice was raspy when I spoke.

"You can't keep this bottled up, Bella," Judy quietly reminded me.

I nodded and swiped a thumb under my left eye, my hands a little shaky.

"I'm scared to tell him, Judy. He's still not in a good place. His treatment's not having the same effect on him as it has for me." She smiled and reached for my hand across our chairs.

"Sweet girl, it just takes time. And, if he really loves you and really wants to get better, he has to do it on his own. You understand that, right?" Her softness made me long for the mom that I never had.

"I know. And, I've talked to him about it, kind of." I didn't want to divulge something I'd said to him. It felt too private and we were both so closed off from everyone around us. Talking about our private conversations should remain just that, private.

"He has to want it, on his own. No matter how much you love him, or try to help him, it won't matter if he doesn't admit to his own faults, Bella." She grasped my hands and squeezed.

I gave her a weak smile and nodded.

"I know." Because I truly did know after all the years I tried to stop my mother's drinking, knowing no matter how many bottles I hid or poured out, it wouldn't stop her.

"For what it's worth, I'm really proud of you," Judy smiled a genuine smile at me and I nodded again.

"You've done remarkably well and I know when you are ready to leave here, you'll succeed as long as you remember all you've learned during your stay." Her eyes held mine and I felt proud of the confidence she had in me.

We hugged and she dismissed me.

As I walked down the hall, with the noises from the Center all around me, I felt strangely quiet and still inside. I only hoped Edward could find this kind of peace within himself soon.

**A/n: Collective Sigh, please.**

**CP was NOT raped by Riley. **

**But, she was assaulted and abused by his hands. So, there ya have it.**

**Much thanks to my team: A Jasper for Me, Eternally Edwards Girl, Pates Greeneyes, Rvrsong for all they do in regards to this fic. I love you all.**

**I wish I could HUG you all, especially those new readers who stayed up all night reading to catch up or who blasted my inbox over a few days….THANK YOU!**

**AND, to all my loyal followers ….THANK YOU, TOO!**

**I do this for ya'll and because I just love to write. So, for the negative nancy who wanted to blast my "un-realistic" approach to this fic…I say, you haven't walked in my shoes or lived my life. I write what I KNOW and you speak of what YOU KNOW. So, we're at an impasse.**

**I love these kids, flaws and all, and will continue to write them MY WAY;)**

**See ya'll on Friday.**

**Love, Kyla**


	51. Chapter 51

AWoC ch51

**A/n: Remember the hand holding and group huddle from last chapter? Well, let's just resume that position for this one.**

**We all agree, it seems, that Edward has a lot further to go in his recovery so this chapter should help on that front. BUT, it's a tad bit painful, jsyk.**

**HUGS TO YOU ALL for sticking with me.**

A few weeks later …

EPOV

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, having woke up drenched in sweat, my heart pounding and memories of the night of the crash flooding through my overworked mind.

Garrett had been forcing me to open up and actually talk about all the things I was now remembering from that day.

"_Edward Cullen's a loser!" Mike Newton teased._

"_Yeah, he's a momma's boy," Tyler chimed in as they circled around me on the far corner of the playground._

_I was boxed in, no adult in sight and they'd been picking at me for a few minutes, teasing me about my mom and how she's always doting on me._

"_SHUT UP!" I screamed and tried to break through the circle but they cut me off again._

"_Whatcha gonna do about it, sissy boy?" Eric taunted me and laughed._

_So, I hit him and ran as fast as I could to the teacher. But, all she heard was me crying and Eric yelling and screaming about me breaking his glasses. _

_I tried to tell her what they'd done, but she just asked me if I'd hit him. When I nodded yes, she grabbed my arm and yanked me to the door where she led me straight to the principal's office._

_No one stopped to ask me what happened, no one listened to my tears or how upset I was about the situation._

_All they cared about was that I'd screwed up yet again._

When I woke up, all I could feel was the anxiety over having been boxed in that circle by those rotten kids. They'd always teased and bullied me like that, knowing they could push me far enough to make me explode and then I'd be the one in trouble.

It sucked but that was how life had been for me. And in true form, my mother, my beloved Esme, would swoop in, pick me up and make me feel like I was the best little boy in the whole world.

Back then my mother would always hold me, hug me, console me; she offered me the safe place I craved in the chaos surrounding me.

I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt the wetness pool on my neck.

It killed me that my mother hated me and blamed me for the twins' death.

It hurt my heart as I sobbed over the thoughts of her never realizing what it meant to have her ripped from my life so completely in a matter of minutes.

"_Edward, were those boys picking on you again," Esme asked as she helped me into the back seat, her hand on my chin as I looked up with a nod._

"_Did you yell for help?" Again, I nodded and cried some more. I had screamed for the teacher, but my plea had fallen on deaf ears, as usual._

"_Did they give you a chance to explain?" I shook my head no as her eyes lit up in anger._

"_Well, your dad and I will just go talk to the principal tomorrow after we drop you and Alice off for school. This is going too far." My fierce, protective mother hugged me and kissed my cheek before reminding Alice to buckle up and closing the car door._

_I dried my tears and watched her walk around the front of the car to get in and drive us home. _

_My protector and my safe place; mommy and our home._

I sat up and held my face in my hands as the tears wouldn't stop flowing; the hurt wouldn't stop raging through me.

I think I heard the door to my room open and I knew for sure I had when I heard Garrett's voice, "What is it, Edward? Did you have a nightmare?"

He slowly sat beside me and I fought to catch my breath.

"Nobody ever heard me," I managed to get out through a sob.

"What do you mean?" I felt him pushing me and it caused the anger to build and build.

"NO ONE EVER HEARD ME!" I screamed as I jumped up and started to pace the floor.

"I screamed for help. I begged for mercy. I pleaded for someone to pay attention. But ..." I caught my breath and staggered a little until I hit the wall behind me.

"They never once listened to me, they never heard my truths … they never cared about me." I sobbed and slid down the wall, tucking my head between my knees.

"Edward Cullen lost his temper again or Edward Cullen started another fight," I yelled through a heavy sigh.

"They never once asked if I'd been kicked or punched or even if I'd been bullied," I cried and tried to crawl inside myself to stop these feelings of utter despair and loneliness.

I felt Garrett's hands on my wrists as he tried to pull my hands from my face.

"Edward, someone once listened didn't they? That one special person?" His voice was quiet and strong.

"Yes," I whispered. "But she left me. She hates me for being the bad little boy everyone else said I was." I felt my throat choke back another sob and it was like I couldn't breathe.

"Who, Edward? Who did that to you?" Garrett asked.

I shook my head. I didn't want to say her name. I didn't want to feel her abandonment.

I didn't want to feel anything.

"Fuck you, Garrett," I said with spit flying from my mouth as I swiped the tears from my face heavily.

"Tell me what she meant to you, Edward," Garrett's voice firm and loud as I shook my head again and struggled to get up from the floor with my bad leg.

"NO! NO! NO!" I screamed and kept trying to get up. I saw Garrett put out his hand to help me and I swatted it away.

"LEAVE ME ALONE," I yelled and the tears leaked from my eyes again.

"Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" I begged and drug myself the two feet to my bed where I managed to pull myself up.

Pain radiated all over my body, in my chest, in my head and my leg was throbbing.

"You deserve to have someone to care about you, Edward," I heard his voice in front of me but I kept my eyes shut.

"She left me. She hated me. I'm a bad boy, always a bad boy," I began to hit my head with my closed fists, trying to knock away the memories of the words she screamed at me, the look of rage in her eyes as she saw right through me and the ultimate betrayal of her love for me.

"She's gone. She told me she never loved me. She always hated me," I cried and screamed and hit some more.

"No, Edward. She hated herself more. She never stopped loving you." Garrett's hands closed around my fists and forced me to stop hitting myself.

"Say her name, Edward."

I shook my head again.

"Say it, release it, tell that little boy she didn't mean it. Tell the eleven year old Edward he wasn't a bad boy." He pushed my arms out and drew me closer to him.

"I wasn't a bad boy." I cried.

"No, you weren't, Edward," his soft voice surrounded me.

"She turned against me, just like everyone else," I whispered.

"Who did, Edward?" he whispered in return.

"My mom," I said as a single tear ran down my cheek and I rubbed my chest to soothe the ache at her memory in my mind.

He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against him as I sobbed.

I loved my mother more than anyone else in this world until the accident. She was the only person who loved me unconditionally and never cited my flaws.

"Your mother was very ill, Edward." Garrett spoke softly as he released me and I sat further back on my bed.

I nodded but didn't really understand what that meant.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow. I think you've been through enough tonight." He said as he withdrew a syringe from his pocket.

I sighed, finally something to take it all away. I needed to be numb. I didn't like dealing with all of this hurt.

"What is that?" I had the sense enough to ask just as he began to administer the shot.

"Ativan, it'll help you relax and sleep. Hopefully without any further memories," he gave me a small smile and withdrew the needle.

He patted my shoulder and mumbled something before I closed my eyes, letting the drug work its way through my system.

I let the memory of me and Caterpillar sitting in the meadow on a sunny day floods my mind.

I know my CP, she'd never hurt me.

**A/N: So, does this help you understand him a little better? I know that I shed a few tears and held him tight while writing this chapter. But, then again, I hold and snuggle with him as often as he'll allow me to. I love him so dearly.**

**Much love to my team: A Jasper for Me, my precious beta; Eternally Edward's girl, Pates Greeneyes and Rvrsong. Ya'll have no idea how many minutes and hours these girls work with me on getting this just right and true to the characters. I appreciate them more than they'll ever know. **

**Now, Garrett was truly introduced good and proper in this chapter. As most of my FB lovelies know, I have a HUGE thing for Garrett. So, if you wanna see what I picture him as, visit my group "theonlykyla fanfiction" on fb for a glimpse.**

**THANK YOU, all of you, for the support you all give me and this story. Words can't express what it means to me and I'm sorry that I am unable to reply to reviews. I simply don't have the hours in the day. BUT, please know that I read them, share them w/ my team and adore all of you so much.**

**Now, leave me some love?**

**See ya Wednesday.**

**Kyla**


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